British Tribal Leaders Expand Gene Pool in Bizarre Mating Ceremony


Guest List Includes “Sophie, Cuntess of Wessex”

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved.

Leaders of the once nomadic Saxe-Coburg and Gotha clan gathered in London today, joined by leaders of many of the the world’s other tribes, to wear their once-a-year jewelry stored in vaults in order to qualify for their tax deductions as “work apparel.” The little known deduction is a massive financial benefit as it transfers the taxes and most of the wealth of their “subjects” directly to them, an annual windfall of billions of pounds sterling, euros, land, and dead foxes. The festivities were highlighted by a lavish public display of ritual pre-coital foofoofery intended to stiffen more than the upper lips of the besieged tribe, desperately in need of stiffening of its weakening DNA strands. As the events are still unfolding, Say It Ain’t So, Joe! provides readers with some fast facts to annoy as much as inform:

Kate Middleton Appears To Realize that Her Childhood Dream of Becoming a Princess Comes with Oddly Dressed Idiots Controlling Her Life and Toilet Habits

Some facts:

The American equivalent of the British term “commoners” is “Kardashians”.

SAY IT AIN’T SO JOE! POLL: 96% of British Gays Would Choose to Replace House of Windsor with Haus of Gaga

Prince Harry Vows to Fulfill Role as Backup Heir by Getting Hammered and Nailing Hot Chicks

Many Americans With Sufficient Inbreeding Lack Income to move from status as “white trash hillbillies” to “your royal highness”.

Unlike the Marriage of Diana and Prince Charles, the Royal Family Cited “Sacrifice in Difficult Times” and Did Not Engage the Services of the Royal Hymen Inspector. Possibly Also Because He Was Found to be “Less Than Totally Gay”

The guest below shows that the parties would be enlivened by the usual Royal Festive bunch, especially the notorious Sophie of Wessex. Her reputation precedes her in this typo she will never live down but likely now richly deserves. “Sophie, Cuntess of Wessex.”

Always Fun When Drunk, Princess Sophie was Expected to the Source of Many a Charming Anecdote

The day was not without tragedy, however, as the Daily Mail Copy Editor, responsible for the above schedule of events, was tragically killed in a mysterious high speed car crash in a Parisian tunnel.

Oh, by the way, While we were busy watching the ceremonies, the UK Government quietly announced a 37% cut in NHS funding.

"I'm not wearing underwear"

  1. April 29, 2011 at 8:08 am | #1

    Very funny!

    These royals stole our wedding day and they didn’t have the decency to invite us to theirs. Still, we’re not bitter. We’ve decided to give them some advice that you can only glean after five years of marriage.

    http://idoalready.tumblr.com/post/5043185176/a-truly-historic-day

  2. Kathleen
    April 29, 2011 at 9:05 am | #2

    OMG Joe! F-ing Funny and brilliant as usual

  3. April 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm | #3

    Consistently humorous, I say, resulting in more than one’s share of titters, guffaws, and milk strewn nasal gusts coming from the north.

  4. May 1, 2011 at 12:32 am | #4

    I don’t know what I am more disgusted by, my American citizenship or my British, at the moment. I PURPOSELY avoided going “home” because of this craptacular event they are trying to pawn off as nuptials. Ask ANY person that actually lives in England, or considers themselves British, they are sick to death of the Royal Family and paying for them more importantly. They are a menace, and I am sure, most of them were sitting there fuming thinking “How much is this costing us?!?!” Meanwhile in the states we have a President, who just keeps digging himself a deeper grave, and it seems he has no one helping him only aids…..aiding him in his demise, it’s like watching a retard get beat up, it’s just sad. Where as in the UK, this poor Kate girl, she can’t even take a shit without it being compared to Diana, whom I will remind you all, they HATED until she died, the bloody Queen, would’t even go to the people and mourn her. Sick bunch of cunts on both sides…..What I REALLY want to see is Harry find his voice! He is a loose cannon WAITING to go off and I personally cannot wait!!! For this I want front row seats!!! I’m all done sounding off now….See ya around!

  5. November 28, 2011 at 3:58 am | #5

    grover norquist juelz santana

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