Home > Comedy and Satire, Sports Comedy > EXXON CEO: “STOP WHINING ABOUT GAS! PERFUME IS $25,000 A GALLON!


Says Drivers Lucky Not Married to My Wife!

By Joe Bodolai © All rights reserved

"Cheaper than Chanel No.5!"

While consumers fume over gas prices rising to record levels, oil industry spokesmen pointed out that there is little ire over perfume prices rising to over $25,000 a gallon. “Alfred Sung Eau de Parfum, the equivalent of Esso Plus (89 octane), is selling for $85.00 a quarter-ounce! This is gouging at the little pump!,” said Thad Hummer, new CEO of Exxon/Mobil. “And this is not even Premium perfume. It’s suitable for a mid-size woman. If you have the equivalent of an SUV or a luxury woman, say a trophy wife or a princess, or a mistress, you will be paying much much more. Gasoline is one of the world’s great bargains!”

Hummer also pointed out that the world’s most expensive perfume, Amouage is “off the freaking

Ripoff Low Octane at $107,000 a sample size!

charts when it comes to price.” The scent, limited to only 173 bottles by PPEC (the perfume producing export cartel) retails for approximately $106,700 a bottle, with two of the precious vials going to precious scent connoisseurs Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson. “That (stuff) will set you back more than $6 million a gallon! So if you want to whine about a buck a liter you can kiss my (ring)! We’re taking a bath selling you gas this cheap. The only way we can do it at this price is if you also buy the two-liter Pepsi and some engine cleaner. So next time you pull into the pump, fall to your knees and be thankful you are not married to my wife! She smells like Hesperia and jasmine with a hint of cinnamon!”

  1. sax5084
    March 3, 2011 at 10:01 am

    I was amazed how nobody got the joke on the Consumerist, I expect better from that crowd.

    P.S. – Care to join a fantasy baseball league?

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s