Liquor Sponsorship Boosts NASCAR To Way Crashier Crashy Redneck Fun
How Is This Not A Good Idea?
© Joe Bodolai, All rights reserved
The sport of Driving Cars in Circles has its fans yelling “yee-hah!” after a new deal in which NASCAR (National Association of Stupid-Fast Cars and Rednecks) has allowed hard liquor sponsorship and advertising on its cars and events. Jack Daniel’s, makers of sour mash whiskey, now sponsors drivers Richard Childress and Dale Blaney in his car, “ole Number 7”. On driver Kurt Busch’s car, which not only sports his own brewery-themed surname, fans can now root for their favorite rye whiskey, Crown Royal.
The marriage of hard liquor and fast cars is not new in America, where over 50,000 road fatalities are logged each year, many of which involve these and other popular brands. NASCAR fans, however, feel the tie-in is perfect. Vern “Billy Bob” Jimbob of Sheep Dip, Tennessee, said “hell, I like the fast drivin’, but what really turns my crank is them pileups, when them cars go flyin’. That’s more fun than bein’ a goat at a sheep-shearing contest!” Jimbob said he’d like to see more liquor involvement as well as firearms and more “gambling-type activities” where fans can not only bet on races, but also “stuff like say, a Jack Daniel’s Holiday Traffic Death Count Pool, where you can bet on how many will be killed on, say, Memorial Day weekend. NASCAR is on its way to combining America’s favorite things: cars, liquor, boobs, firearms, chewing tobacco, PBR, frog gigging, spitting, poisoning rival school’s trees, really bad home schooling, excessive variety of pie, Daisy Duke shorts, outhouse tipping, teen pregnancy due to excessive consumption of MGD, squirrel centerpieces, ten sugars for a coffee, deep fried turkey trailer fires, “COPS” marathons, oversigning, discount crystal meth, gambling on whether a second-use condom is gonna work, roadkill cookbooks, Kevin Harvick fights … and oh, shit yeah, the flag!”The new sponsorship deal is also expected to bring in a wide range of other sponsors, such as funeral homes, personal injury lawyers, and wheelchair manufacturers, many of whom are already on board for next week’s inaugural Nick Nolte 500.