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Tebow Considers Early Sainthood


Claims Stats “Compare With Mother Teresa”

© Joe Bodolai, All Rights Reserved

Pope Benedict XVI has apparently confided to prominent boosters and alumni at the College of Cardinals that he is seriously considering allowing University of Florida superstar Tim Tebow to declare early for Beatification, the penultimate step before conferring ultimate Sainthood.

The Vatican City, Vatican State College of Cardinals, coming off two impressive bowl (or “Golden Chalice”) wins over Electoral College and the College of Physicians and Surgeons) attempted to recruit Tebow after his impressive political campaign videos on ESPN and his well known circumcision tour of Africa. Tebow, however, chose Florida because he had actually heard of it. And ”the donations to my mission from the boosters…devotees….made the difference.“

Benedict, a flashy hip-hop style dresser whose bling and headgear has been criticized by “old school” Mother Teresa fans, whose gear goes back to the leather sandal days, claims that Tebow’s stats at this stage of his career already compare to the Hall of Heavenly Famer.

The Vatican Sports/Healing Information Director released a chart outlining their case:

Category Mother Teresa Tim Tebow
National Championships 0 2
Nobel Prizes 1 0
Other Awards Pope John Paul XXIII Medal of Peace Heisman Trophy
Circumcisions 0 47
Interceptions 0 11
Lepers Cured 37 0
Quote “I once picked up a woman from a garbage dump and she was burning with fever; she was in her last days and her only lament was: ‘My son did this to me.’ I begged her: You must forgive your son.” “Chris Leak’s a great quarterback. I’m not going to worry about (trying to get playing time). I’m just going to train as hard as I can, and that’s all I can do.”

“All in all, their stats are comparable,” said His Holiness, “so I’d say he’s in.” The lone dissenting voice came from USC Coach Pete Carroll who said “it should be me.”

Most of the people who thank god never think of those who god seems to forget

Categories: Sports Comedy
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