Home > Comedy and Satire > Pedophiles Line Up for TSA Scanner Jobs

Pedophiles Line Up for TSA Scanner Jobs


Full Body Scanners Make Them Hot to Trot

By Joe Bodolai

The recent introduction of so-called “full body” scanners, which provide TSA goons with essentially “completely naked” pictures of travelers has led to a stunning increase in job applications. The new technology is deemed “just what we were looking for”, by job applicants who identified as “pedophile” or “porn monkey”.

Pedophiles comprised a whopping 30% of recent job applications, one stating “now we can be completely legal and we get to ‘screen’ in private rooms. It’s like getting paid for having a…hobby!“

There were also significant increases in the number of applications for other positions such as “laptop dropper”, “groper”, and “pantyfondler.”

The popularity of the recent “crotch bomber” incident was hailed by TSA insiders as a “terrific marketing strategy”. An unnamed Homeland Security (sic) official added, “now we can cut wages for untrained screeners to below fast-food levels and get the additional millions needed to buy the machines from foreign companies.” In addition, screeners will now announce penis and breast size of all passengers.

Recent installation of the machines at Los Angeles International Airport led to 80% of male screeners volunteering for unpaid overtime as a rumor of an outbound flight carrying actress Megan Fox swept the terminal.

Categories: Comedy and Satire
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