State of the Union Ratings Suggest New Way to Stage Presidential Elections
Obama’s Address pulls a 9.74 on FOX Compared to American Idol’s 24.75, Time for a Change?
By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved
While President Obama’s State of the Union Address last night might be considered a ratings hit when compared to Jersey Shore or Dog the Bounty Hunter, it was no match for American Idol, whose ratings were 250% higher immediately following. This staggering disparity suggests that it may be time to change how elections are handled in the United States.
“We just take the Idol model and instead of singers, we use politicians. The early rounds would be held around the country, like the primaries, and the finalists head to Washington,” said Electoral College Chancellor Jefferson Nixon. “What’s not to like? Okay, maybe they should sing a bit, maybe in a sing-off to take the place of the boring debates.”
“Like Idol, voting would be done by phone or text, thus saving the costly election process as well as providing revenues for our troubled phone companies,” Nixon added.
With the recent Supreme Court decision protecting corporations’ right to “free speech” (sic) and allowing unlimited spending on campaign ads, it is likely that advertisers would love this plan. Election night ads would surely blow away even the Super Bowl ads and make attack campaigns and “swiftboating” even meaner than reality shows.
When questioned how voters would be certified that they are of legal voting age, Nixon replied, “Dude, it’s like when you go onto one of those adult sites; you just have to click “I certify that I am of legal age and am permitted to view adult material.” We’d tweak the wording, of course.”
Presidential elections seem to be tailor made for TV, since the primaries kick in during February sweeps and the election in the even more lucrative November sweeps period. “You have to admit,” added Nixon, “even though the Founding Fathers didn’t have TV, at least I don’t think they did, this is what they dreamed of… I’m pretty sure.”
When asked about who the judges might be, Nixon replied, “oh, yeah. That’s something we’ll have to work on, the real Supreme Court is not a sexy demographic, but no matter what, we’d have to keep Simon.”