Home > Comedy and Satire > Who’s Going to Light the Vancouver Olympic Torch?

Who’s Going to Light the Vancouver Olympic Torch?


So Many Canadians to Choose From, But Who Will Get the Honour?

By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved

In just a few hours the mystery of just which notable Canadian will be the one to light the Olympic torch at the Vancouver opening ceremonies. I have a few thoughts:

  • There might be a countdown; as the clock ticks, Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) emerges, holding a gun to the head of  IOC chairman Jacques Roggen and, orders Rita McNeil to put her torch down, and shoots the flame on.
  • Doug and Bob McKenzie play caps for the honour. Winner is hopefully not too ‘faced to get ‘er lit, eh?
  • Pamela Anderson, who, for insurance purposes, appears in a Kevlar and asbestos flame-retardant bustier to keep the silicone from melting and resulting in Unsightly Silicone Sag Syndrome. (Watch for the drug ad during first commercial.)
  • Tommy Chong simply flicks the ash from his roach and the crowd goes “whoa! Awesommmmme! Let’s get some TimBits!“

And of course, there’s one guaranteed prominent Canadian who must appear at the closing ceremonies. With the power of her twin bags of wind from hell, Celine Dion blows the flame out with her force five version of ”My Heart Will Go On.“

Categories: Comedy and Satire
  1. Dan
    February 12, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Bob & Doug! Bob & Doug! Bob & Doug! Bob & Doug!

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