Home > Comedy and Satire > TSA Introduces New “Hot or Not?” Naked Body Scanners

TSA Introduces New “Hot or Not?” Naked Body Scanners


Passengers Rate Others to Win Prizes, Reduce Opposition to Invasion of Privacy

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010 All rights reserved

In the wake of the Moscow subway bombing, the Naked Body Scan Industry expects to supply their equipment to subway stations, bus stops, malls, schools, hospitals, movie theaters, and more. In an effort to overcome resistance to such unconstitutional invasions, they have announced a new feature by which other passengers, guests, or visitors could rate each other as “hot or not”.

Not hot but packin'

“No matter what they say, people like looking at pictures of naked people,” said Don LeBureau, spokesman for the new ThinkPink scanner, expected to launch later this year. “The old technology really provides poor quality, like sex videos shot in night vision. We’re going all the way with ours, so now people will no longer be bored standing in line for an hour or so.” The new scanners will project actual naked pictures to the public. “People might resist this at first, but when they find out they can vote “hot or not” and compete for great prizes, like Target gift cards, Omaha Steaks, and Zune mp3 players, that resistance will melt faster than my penis looking at a nude Kirstie Alley,” said LeBureau. “Hot people obviously will be very popular and the voting should be as intense as American Idol, but Not Hot people will also have a chance to win. Those who correctly pick the Hottie of the Hour will also be eligible for prizes. That’s really democraticish. We really gotta thank those Black Widows who bombed Moscow for helping our marketing. I love those guys.”

UPDATE! Transportation Sexual Assault Now Recruiting Pedophiles, Defrocked Priests, Goons on Craigslist!

 

Categories: Comedy and Satire
  1. Mayget Johnson
    March 30, 2010 at 8:37 am

    Ha Ha.

    Good one.

  2. Wally F
    March 30, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Joe Boss slams TSA about body scanners,

    He hits the nail right on the head.

    Wally

  3. NotAnObot
    March 30, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    How convenient. Just what corporations produce and sell these scanners.

  4. Dan "Wine and Gold"
    March 30, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    HAHAHAHA! Do you get the Zune if you lose?

    • March 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm

      That’s hilarious. Does anybody know anybody who knows somebody who has a Zune? Man, imagine showing up at school with one of those!

  5. March 30, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    we pay our dam taxes ,you go ahead and put one oof these in my child’s school or take a naked picture of my little kid,we’re tired of your lies for the security of you ,.not us,ya’ll work for the american people not the billion & trillionaire’s of this world

  6. May 23, 2013 at 4:52 am

    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s equally educative and engaging, and let me tell you,
    you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that too few people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I found this during my search for something regarding this.

  1. March 30, 2010 at 10:42 am

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