Home > Comedy and Satire, Politics, Social and Political Satire > Cheney Administration Spokeshole George W. Bush and Memoirs Direct to Dustbin

Cheney Administration Spokeshole George W. Bush and Memoirs Direct to Dustbin

Bush Adeptly Fielding a Call from the President

America Asks: “Who Wrote It?”

By Joe Bodolai © 2010 All rights reserved

Cheney Administration spokesman George W. Bush has a “real high school-sized”  hard cover book which briefly appeared last November. The memoir, expected to be full of lies begins with the name of the author. The title Decision Points is based on the term “decision pints” used by the staff when they would bet on how many “pints” of beer that he would consume before he found out what his decision was told to him.

It is likely that Bush was involved in the book in some way, such as selecting photos, approving of the font used, etc. In order to give Bush the illusion that he is actually “writin’ a book”, Cheney had given him a large newsprint pad and some markers for him to attempt to write some anecdotes that were used as photo captions, which sources said is “pretty much all he reads when you give him a “college type” book. “Them college books are heavy! Bush described his as “even bigger that the one by Snooki and, uh, when it comes to, uh, mattering, size, uh, fool me once.”

One of the highlights to commemorate

One passage that experts said seems to be completely re-written “with school type words” is Bush’s description of his (sic) foreign policy:“Whenever we see something another country has that we want, or Israel tells us to get it for them, you gotta come out bombin’ then keep on kickin’ ‘em when they’re down, punch it in the red zone,then move in so they can’t get their stuff back. It’s win-win.”

Bush’s love of books is mainly evidenced by the fact that his wife Laura was a librarian, and was demonstrated in his comments on reading My Pet Goat to second graders in Florida as the World Trade Center was bombed: “I wish I could have finished reading it. We were getting to an exciting part when the goat left the pen. I still don’t know what happened to him! But he probably was gonna get eaten somewhere they eat goat, like maybe Boston.  Y’see what I’m sayin’? There’s a time for politics and there’s a time for goat.”

It is also worth noting that Bush’s Secret Service detachment gave him exra time to read since it is normal procedure for the Secret Service to immediately whisk the “President” away to safety immediately when there is an attack. Some claim this implied foreknowledge of the attacks. Okay, I do. The only reason he wasn’t taken to a “secure, secret undisclosed location” like Warren Buffet’s rec room could be that they knew he had nothing to worry about. Too bad they didn’t read Silver Blaze, a Sherlock Holmes novel in which Holmes solves the case by knowing the only reason the guard dogs didn’t bark was because they knew the perpetrators.

Finally, for those who don’t recall, here is George W. Bush’s “farewell address”, truthified by me.

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