Home > Comedy and Satire > From the Archives: Classic Novels Now on Twitter

From the Archives: Classic Novels Now on Twitter

Note: This is a post I did last winter as I am still in my
secret undisclosed location. I’ll write something new when Mr.
Cheney gets off the computer and finishes watching his 9-11 videos
and researching “butt cancer”. WHY SLOG THROUGH LITERATURE WHEN YOU
CAN BANG THROUGH “TWITTERATURE”? Joe Bodolai, All rights reserved
Amazon.com Chairman of the Board Jeffrey Bezos announced that the
popular online retailer would now make available what he termed
“the ground breaking novels of literature, the classics that
everyone should read but really don’t have that kind of time for.
That’s why we’re making these world-famous novels available in new
140 character easy to read versions, and what’s easier to read than
Twitter?“ Pointing out that reading a novel like War and Peace
could often take months to slog through for people who actually
read, the new ”Classic Twitterature “ could be devoured as easily
as texting. ”This is the way people read today,“ he said,” and we
have to adapt. Imagine reading “Moby Dick” in half the time it
takes to drain out a brew in the restroom.“ Bezos also said that
Amazon would offer the classics to schools at a discount for each
teacher or student who also purchased a Kindle adding ”we are also
exploring sending the books directly to cell phones with a 3G push
service.” Parents who have been concerned about what their kids are
looking at on their phones can now rest assured that they will now
have access to great books without getting their fingers covered in
ink.“ Although the PowerPoint presentation was delayed nearly an
hour when Windows 7 crashed, once the audience (made up mainly of
literature professors from America’s most prestigious party
schools) saw free samples of the novels sent to their cellphones,
one reporter described their reaction as ”fuckin’ epic dude.“ The
preview alone, said Bezos, would ”give students a Harvardish
education at a Wal-Martly price.” Some of the offerings: The Grapes
of Wrath:@Steinbeck.com Dude, wtf sup w this dust? Can’t grow shit,
bank’s on my ass. I’m so outta here! Moby Dick:@Dickword.com Aaar
mateys! Harpooning now and using my big one… ttyl Crime and
Punishment:@trutv.com I swear to god I’m going to kill someone. I
mean it dude. I got mad skillz fo’ sho. Can’t bust me yo. 😉 Maybe
I’ll kill myself. Finnegans Wake:@Irishpub.com Dude, where the hell
are you? Finnegan wake up. Hit me back. Pride &
Prejudice:@weareallchelseahandler.com This guy is being such a
jerk! … He’s hot though! … omg he just asked me out! gtg!

Categories: Comedy and Satire
  1. July 29, 2010 at 10:45 am

    Hey Joe I have someone trying to get ahold of you in regards to COMICS! Call me or email me at strong@astrongproduction.com 310-904-2422

    Peace Out

    Anna Strong

    • Joe Bodolai
      July 29, 2010 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Anna,

      I am away for a while but will call you as soon as I can.I’d love to see you one of these days. Whatch u up 2?


  2. August 6, 2010 at 12:48 am

    Amazing post. I have bookmarked your site. I am looking forward to reading more

  3. Ben
    August 8, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Hi Joe, came across this blog when doing searches for info about the 1981-82 season of SNL (I’m doing episode reviews on my own blog). Cool to find out what you had a hand in, like Jesus In Blue Jeans.

    I’m trying to find out who the guy playing the Woody Allen impersonator is in the Merman Zone sketch from the Daniel Travanti episode. I assume it’s a writer because I’ve spotted a few other writers in sketches before but haven’t been able to match a name to that particular person.

    • Joe Bodolai
      August 9, 2010 at 12:08 pm

      Hi Ben,

      Wow, what an unusual task you have. I did indeed write that sketch with Rosie Shuster. Unfortunately, my memoryof events from 30 years ago is not good enough to remember all the roles in that offbeat sketch which had so many roles and locations. If you know the sketch well enough, can you please describe the context and the dialogue. I wonder if you are thinking of the Rod Serling “Twilight Zone” character played by Brian Doyle-Murray.

      Let me know what else I can do to help you since you have already jogged my memory…


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