Home > Comedy and Satire, Entertainment and Media, Social and Political Satire, Social Issues > Corporate Sponsors See Gold in Trapped Chilean Miners

Corporate Sponsors See Gold in Trapped Chilean Miners

Breweries’ Promotional Funding Markets “Frat Party Atmosphere”

By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved

The 33 miners trapped deep in a Chilean copper and gold mine since August 5th  have American promotional and marketing ingenuity to thank for what a spokesman termed “a goldmine of opportunity for business.” Rafe Wiffle, President of  Sympathy for the Poor Devils Marketing, said “even though it’s a not a baby or infant down a well these guys are perfect. They’re living a frat party blowout 24/7. Okay, without the food, beer, or babes but, you know, just 33 sweaty super horny dudes in one filthy room. ”

"Frat Party Atmosphere Without the Beer"

Wiffle explained that “the 24 hour news cycle has calmed down. When the non-stop coverage kicks back in with the rescue in a few months and the hosing down, these guys will be smiling with Big Macs, Cokes, and maybe trips to Disneyland, if they can learn how to say it in English in time. Right now it’s all about the beer.”

Coors and Bud Light are reportedly battling for the role of Official Beer Sponsor of the Trapped Chilean Miners. “We’re in luck that the hole was enlarged to nearly 30cm (11.5 inches), big enough to get some six packs down there for a real underground frat party atmosphere,” said Woody Flange, Anheuser-Busch Director of Third World Party Marketing. I mean, you can only take so much plain water as non-beer, right?” Coors spokesdude Chip Dimmler commented “whoa, dude, we got fresh mountain spring water yo! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!…In our beer of course. We have water in that.”

Sources close to the negotiations said there is no truth to the rumours that  Coors is angling for a rescue delayed until Super Bowl Sunday and a spectacular live commercial. “Sure, that would be great to have our rescue, I mean their rescue, on every station 24 hours a day with our caps and our ‘when the mountains turn as blue as their balls’ cans. I mean, who wouldn’t want that? Let’s just hope the frickin’ tunnel doesn’t collapse down there or some shit like that…. Geez, speaking of shit….”

  1. October 13, 2012 at 2:49 pm

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