May You Be Blessed, My Lovely Nigerian Email Scammers!
I Have Received My Application to Rent Their Too Good To Be True Beachfront Apartment!
THE EMAILS FROM THEM AND CONTACT INFO IS ALL REAL. WELL, SO ARE MY REPLIES.
By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved.
For those of you who read through yesterday’s posting, you will be pleased to know that my new Nigerian friends have allowed me to apply to rent their apartment. For those of you who didn’t, here are photos they sent me of their wonderful apartment at 2101 Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica, California 90405 (sic). For those of you who haven’t done the required reading, there’s no quiz, just these photos of the apartment that “Emily Williams” so kindly sent me. I can’t help but notice how tidy the bedroom is. The insistence on cleanliness by these wonderful people gives me the comfort of knowing the bedroom has been as meticulously maintained as any bedroom to be found during a hotel website photo shoot.
Here is the application that “Emily” so kindly sent me, obviously moved by my request to rent. (See yesterday’s post below.) I am not so selfish as to deprive my readers of the opportunity to rent this apartment, nor would I deprive you of the opportunity to speak directly to Ms. Williams’ husband, on a mission from God in Nigeria. The phone numbers are in the body of the email so please feel free to phone, as I will later today.
Good hearing from you that you are promising us that our apartment will be well taken care off,and I really appreciate your expression.So,Like I told you there’s none of my friends or relatives to show you the apartment.I want you to stick to your words.Is that okay with you?And the below is the final question that you must answer to qualify for the rent.
Hope you have a nice working day,in fact I will like to meet you when coming to visit you soonest,You will not be able to see inside of the
apartment..We do a long term and short term renting anytime you which to leave the place will be grateful and we are ready to rent a short or long-term.
Note that you will not be allowed to enter the apartment,because the keys/document is here with me in London,United Kingdom.
(NOTE: RENTAL APPLICATION REMOVED AND POSTED BELOW IN MY REPLY.)
(Private & Confidential)
Also,Pls let me get this answer.
Looking forward to hear from you with all this details for approval so that i can have it in my file incase of issuing the receipt in your name and contacting you.Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the documents and the keys to you,Please we are giving you all this transaction is based on Trust & Honesty and again I want you to stick to your words,We are putting everything into Gods hand,so please do not let us down in this property of ours and God bless you more as you do this.
N:B : We are doing doing this because of God as a good Christian, If you can pay two months, you will get one month free , I had an accident which affected my hearing and my legs , I am currently on a wheel chair right now, I do not use a phone that’s why I am always online,you can call him on +2348137268155 or 0112348137268155,if you are interested, you can fill out the rent application below and get back to me as soon as possible.
Thanks so much and have a nice day.
Love in Christ and Kindness Regards
I likewise appreciate your expression! It is with giddy private schoolgirl passing gas from passing O Levels delight I receive your application. Relent not, I always “stick to my words” more than a conjoined twin sticks to her sister.
My gratitude for you giving me this based on Trust and Honesty has allowed me to receive approval from my Conservator, the known Mr. Larry Sanjiv Deepthresh, to more than double my deposit to your account to the melody of $ 6,387,000 (again, of course, less chauffeur fees and internet café costs, including necessary beverages) once I receive your bank account information, including all passwords, access authorization, and scanning of your signatures, which of course will delight my Belgian calligraphy team with its brutish grace and Anjou Kingly beauty.
I too, put everything into “God’s hand”, but I ask him to use both, or more as he likely has more. I too, am doing this “because of God as a Good Christian”. After all, in the words of my rabbi, “who can trust to be more of a Good Christian than Christ Himself?” While I am not Christ, though some may say my heart is coated with him, his divine gluten courses through the course of my veins.
1) Your Full Name: I am Tyrolian C. Legantia, Benefactor (Benefactor is not a title, but my full name.)
2) Present Full Address (where you reside now) & Phone Number to Reach You: 85.98a Avenida Kim Il-Jong, Carmel, California (819) KL5-3369 x3333
3) Age: 71 years 8 months, 6 days, three hours and presently 26 minutes and 11 seconds as of this writing. This will be out of date as you kindly read this.
4) Are you married? I am currently entrothed to the Countess Klylencia of DeBarge, an elegant virtuous virgin of elegant virtuosity and de rigeur physical chaleur.
5) Sex? Frequent, often with partners.
6) How many people will be living in the house? One cannot foretell the future. A “trick question!” Your cleverness removes evil intent as a plumber’s snake burrows through compacted tissue and the aquiferous and hearty odiferous consequences of reluctant waste!
7) Do you have a pet? I keep a blue-ribbon herd of rare Tyrolian wallaby as anyone in my situation would for security. They are rescued former Latvian customs drug-sniffing animals with nails removed to save flooring and furniture.
8) Do you have a car? I currently own fleets of Bentleys, Maseratis, and my well-known collection of vintage East German Trabants, all of which I am divesting by bequeathment to lepers, bulimics, and victims of RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome).
9) What is your religion? Orthodox Tyrolian Jainist, Sindhu Sect (the ones with the parking spaces at the temple)
10) Occupation? Philanthropist and Professional Classical Concert Chinese Cowbellist in the Walken Style
11) Citizen of which Country? North Korea (for tax purposes).
12) When are you ready to Move In? My humble bags are in the vintage London taxi parked currently outside 2101 Ocean Avenue, Santa Monica and can have my staff of Inuit lesbian movers engage lickety-split.
13) When are u planning to leave the apartment? Upon completion of all necessary interments and drying of concrete and paint plus, of course, odor removal.
14) How many months can you afford as upfront deposit? 36-42
15) How soon can you send the deposit? As soon as you can receive it by sending my financial curatorial staff your confidential banking information.
Again, my thanks in Your Christ, dear Emily. Please reply forthwith regarding how I may divest myself of funds to commence my new life of ascetic splendor and vulgarity.
Sincerest of sincerity,
Your pal, Tyrolian C.
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