College Football Early Christmas, Late Hanukah Offerings


Hens Lay More than Two Dozen on Rednecks, Mormons Poly Up the Points on Miners, Cam Newton Still Sleazy

By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved

For some reason, when I blog about college football I get up to four views a minute on weekends. This may be due to the popularity of the sport or perhaps just due to the constant refreshing of my browser about four times a minute. Regardless, it infuses me with confidence to attempt an entirely cliché-free article on today’s games and other news. Oh, I do have clichés, just not ones usually applied to college football.

Some of the big news this week was off the field. Several programs deleted their coaches and uploaded new ones. After Urban Meyer’s temp file from last year restored him to Florida’s head coaching role after about a day of the spinning beach ball of retirement, he finally crashed last week like Windows Vista running a spreadsheet and a video at the same time. While his condition may or may not be caused by a virus, the Gators installed a beta of Will Muschamp, easily dragging and dropping him into the swamp from Texas for 2.7 gigabucks.

Tech Support Girl Strikes Heistman Pose with Recovered Stolen Laptop

The first bowl games of the season, not counting the punch bowl drinking games involving vodka, grenadine, and Sterno at Ohio University, kicked off began with the Delaware Blue Hens’ clucking incredible 27-10 win over Georgia Southern in their Whatever That Division is Called Now Semifinal. The only major college team with a female-specific nickname, the Lady Roosters were led by former Party Schooler Pat Devlin, late of Penn State. The fowly femmes held Georgia Southern, a school so redneck it has both “Georgia” and “Southern” in its name, to one touchdown and held the crimson-throat-monickered Jaybo Shaw to four of 12 for 159 feet passing, approximately the distance the laptop allegedly stolen by Cam Newton traveled when he threw it out the window.

In the lovely adobe and teal New Mexico Bowl, BYU whipped up some holy guacamole on UTEP, 52-24. The Cougars went after their younger prey with the ferocity of a Jersey housewife botox and silicone mackin’ The Situation. The University, named after prominent religious leader and multi-husband Brigham Young, scored just three fewer points than Young had wives.

Bowl season continues Later today with the Humanitarian Bowl between the Non-Violent Cowboys of Ghandi A&M and the Flying Saviors of Jesus Christ State.

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