Snooki: The Oil Slick in the Hot Tub

It’s Over” — Nostradamus

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

A week or so ago, I happened by the Barnes and Noble store at the Grove in Los Angeles, a faux urban streetscape of a mall, to find a huge queue to attend the bookstore’s “moving your lips while reading series.” The author that evening was none other than the Jane Austen of The Hot Tub herself, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. The crowd was there to hear her first-person author’s insights about her hairball of keystrokage by a poor ghost-typist “novel”, A Shore Thing. Perhaps this roman a clef could provide loyal viewers of her smoosh-and-puke reality series, Jersey Shore, some valuable insights gossip about the weltanschaung hookups of her Algonquin Round Table STD-Infested Hot Tub companions, Pauly D, JbowWoww, and Mike not “The Situation” Room, the Mr.Darcy of the Abmaster. I have no idea what discourse transpired, but happily there was a Bath & BodyWorks nearby for emergency spray tan needs and, in my case, shower gel.

In related news, Cheney Administration spokesman George W. Bush commented on Snooki’s novel adding “I’ll be about ready to barrel on into that as soon as I finish up My Pet Goat.”

A Minimal Number of Words Between the Pictures Allows For Easy Lip Movement While Reading

There is really nothing I need to say about the state of American mass culture today. This picture says more than I ever could. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go to the library. You know that place, the Book Museum? It’s where the homeless go to take a dump and poor people still go to rent VHS copies of Die Hard III. At least there I can get WiFi at the attractive price of relative quiet and an effluviance of urban odors.

THIS JUST IN: Snooki to Host White House Correspondents’ Dinner!

  1. Billy
    February 13, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Having never stooped to the level of finding a need to watch “Jersey Shore”, I can’t really comment on the character of Ms. Snooki. I will, however, say a little something about the above photo. Here it is. At least there is circumstantial evidence that people interested in the depicted books can still read. I reckon, that since the books are not open, they may be completely filled with pictures. And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to shuffle on down to the public library to…well, you know.

  2. Steve McGuilless
    April 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

    If you think it’s ironic to score out things that you were ‘really thinking’ to be funny or clever, try not to do it eight times in three sentences. Satire isn’t witty, or even readable, if it’s repeated and repeated and repeated…

    Just saying.

      April 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm

      Thanks for your thoughts. While I don’t know what “score out” means, I do appreciate your sense of humor by using “repeated and repeated and repeated”. I’m not sure of the math here, but if the first time I repeat something it doubles, then doubles again, we’re up to four times. I apparently repeated agin for an impressive total of eight in only four sentences! I’m sure Snooki herself would be impressed, but you said I did it in just three so I don’t know which sentence is “repeat” free.

  1. February 13, 2011 at 8:20 am

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