“Corporate Person” Monsanto to Run For Senate
“When Corporations Control Government, Sure It’s Fascism, But Fascists Are People Too!”
By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserve
UPDATE: Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney Rumored to Be Considering Monsanto as Running Mate
The recent Supreme Court ruling giving corporations status as a ”person“ and the same “freedom of speech” (sic) rights as individuals and no limits on campaign spending, genetically-modified simulated food giant Monsanto has thrown its corporate hattage
the ring and declared itself and subsidiaries a candidate for the U.S. Senate seat in farm-rich Kansas.
Monsanto Senate Campaign spokesman Franklin N. Farmer finally revealed the company’s platform in this fall’s race for the U.S. Senate in Kansas. “It makes more sense, at least to those of us in the corporate world, than the (traditional fertilizer) coming out of individual politicians who are people and are costly and unreliable. Besides, we have some very attractive tax breaks. I mean, we don’t actually ‘pay’ taxes, so we can use that money where it does the most good — TV commercials done by our other friends who could use more tax breaks too.” When asked to explain the platform, Farmerino explained “I don’t know how to make it more clear than to say what people say when they have to say: “it is what it is.”
Here is what it is:
At Monsanto, we understand how to monetize dynamically. Without vertical extensible implementation, you will lack platforms. Think 60/24/7/365. Think C2B2B. Think sexy. But don’t think all three at the same time. If all of this may seem estranging to you, that’s because it is! Do you have a plan of action to become subscriber-defined? Think out-of-the-boxcutter. Think backward-compatible. Think virally-distributed, innovative. But don’t think all three at the same time.
The subscriber communities factor can be summed up in one word: affiliate-based profitablity kickback.
Have you ever had to architect your 24/7 feature set? With one click? We will extend our aptitude to productize
without decreasing our power to actualize. What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! A company that can synthesize faithfully will (one day) be able to upgrade fiercely. We will incubate the term “scalable”. We frequently morph value-added, intuitive paradigms. That is a terrific achievement considering this fiduciary term’s market!
There’s only one choice: Vote Monsanto. But even if you don’t, we will way outspend our opponent.”
Many more corporations are expected to announce their candidacy in coming days and, in the words of Monsanto’s Farmerino, “we have our corporate eyes on the White House in 2012. Sure we have a foothold now, but this is just the beginning of a great new era for America. It’s simple. Everybody eats what we make. You are what you eat. You children will made by us, so just call us Uncle Monsanto.”
Read More Below
- Cool, I'm about to reach 1,000 followers! See the rest of my stats at Twitter Counter: twtr.to/9BZz 4 years ago
- When people tell you to "dream" to make my life better I'd say 99.9% of them have never been beaten and robbed. 5 years ago
- The Comedy Network video intro for our successful pitch to The CRTC youtube.com/qualityshows#p… 5 years ago
- Godbye. qualityshows.wordpress.com 5 years ago
- "They call my home the land of snow' 5 years ago
- IF THIS WERE Y0UR LAST DAY ALIVE WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
- Thanksgiving Night on a Los Angeles Bus
- The Best 6-4-3 I Ever Saw
- This is the Headline You Are Now Reading
- If I Were So Rich…
- Did Rupert Murdoch Hire A Pie Thrower on Craigslist?
- Florida Legalizes Murder, Post-Birth Abortion
- I’m Sure I Speak for Lady Gaga and We Say: Be The Best Possible Version of Yourself.
- The “Tupac of Terror”: Osama Bin Laden Drops Another Joint! New Video
- British Tribal Leaders Expand Gene Pool in Bizarre Mating Ceremony
- Miss Jamaica Keeps ‘Tings Ireal at Miss Universe PageantU
- Pilgrims, Attentive Walmart Shoppers Flock to Graceland for “Shroud of Elvis”
- Pope “Joey Ratz” Responds to Arrest of Pedophile Pedophilia Advisor, Forgives Self, Pedophiles
- This Video’s Lyrics May be Inaccurately Translated for Your Enjoyment
- Leonard Cohen Live: “Closing Time”