Home > Comedy and Satire, idiot, Media, Pop Culture, Religion, Satire, Social and Political Satire, Social Issues, World Events > Pope “Joey Ratz” Responds to Arrest of Pedophile Pedophilia Advisor, Forgives Self, Pedophiles

Pope “Joey Ratz” Responds to Arrest of Pedophile Pedophilia Advisor, Forgives Self, Pedophiles


Two Hail Marys “Oughta Cover It” and “Don’t Sweat the Rapture” Says Oddly Dressed Unmarried Ex-Nazi.

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

Joey Ratz Working His Popely Magic

May 26,2001- Father Riccardo Seppia, a 51 year-old parish priest in the village of Sastri Ponente, near Genoa, was arrested last Friday on pedophilia and drugs charges. Investigators say that in tapped mobile phone conversations Seppia asked a Moroccan drug dealer to arrange sexual encounters with young and vulnerable boys. “I do not want 16-year-old boys, but younger. Fourteen-year-olds are OK. Look for needy boys, who have family issues,” he allegedly said. Genoa Archbishop Angelo Bagnasco, who is also head of the Italian Bishops Conference, had been working with Benedict to establish a tough new worldwide policy released this week on how bishops should handle accusations of priestly sex abuse. Bagnasco said when he met the Pope this weekend he “asked for a particular blessing for my archdiocese,” in light of the accused crimes, adding that “like every father toward a son (feels) great pain in seeing a priest who is not faithful to his vocation.”
“[The investigators] made us listen to that man saying terrifying things about our children. Things so terrible that I cannot repeat them,” a father of one of the boys said. — translated from La Stampa

Proclaiming himself “super holy”, Joe Ratzinger (aka “the Pope”) emerged from a Vatican confessional sauna today and claims he has “forgiven” himself for what he referred to as “so-called sins” and also forgave all priests and other church officials accused of child molestation. “Nothing like the Rapture happened so I took care of you there. Some people might see all this forgiving as damage control,” said the former Nazi Youth, “but first there has to be damage. Anyway, I gave myself and the guys a round of Hail Marys, and you know if I bring Mary into this, and she is a virgin, that’s proof of no diddling boys. This whole mess is due to the clever homosexual children because the little lambs got flocked by the Shepherd which proves they were not victims,” he “explained.” The official Vatican press release, published in High Pig Latin, entitled Uckfay Uyay, continued: ” as a bonus, I threw in forgiving the Beatles and, I’m offering 50% off for all school groups to visit the Shroud of Turin for Christ’s sake. We’re also selling Abbey Road in the Vatican gift shop now cheaper than iTunes, use code veni vidi vici This is what makes the Catholic Church such a great donation value. Remember, omnes gallia est divisa en tres partes. When questioned about his infallibility at a special Palm Sunday brunch at the Palm Restaurant at Vatican Citywalk , the Pope blamed his streak of incorrectly picking the last 45 Super Bowl winners on “Satan and the bloggers.”Dominus frickin’ vobiscum! I gotta go. Chris Hansen’s in the gift shop. Oh, and to by the way, no, I do not consider my outfits ‘super gay.”

“What profit has not that fable of Christ brought us!”
Pope Leo X (As attributed by John Bale, Bishop of Ossory, in The Pageant of Popes, p. 179, 1574)

“I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of this world, and yet they lay their hands on everything they can get.” — Napoleon Bonaparte

Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.
~ Denis Diderot

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
~ George Bernard Shaw

Argentum Duram Et Majoram — Latinish for “Hard Cash is Best”, Motto of All Churches Everywhere

  1. April 18, 2011 at 10:09 am | #1

    This is the man who was almost singlehandedly responsible for rooting out liberation theology (my background) from the church.

    The second photo reminds me of Emperor Palpatine in Star Wars. I don’t know if you remember the scene where Ratzinger, I mean, Palpatine has a young, naive and somewhat vulnerable Anakin Skywalker alone in a balcony together and says: “The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.”

    Unnatural indeed!

  2. asdfghjkl;’
    October 31, 2012 at 10:33 am | #2

    i like watermelon

  3. asdfghjkl;’
    October 31, 2012 at 10:34 am | #3

    He kinda looks like me when the person I don’t like trips and falls

  1. July 5, 2013 at 5:25 pm | #1

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