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IF THIS WERE Y0UR LAST DAY ALIVE WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
By Joe Bodolai
Bacon, eggs, vagina. Oh sure, there’s more…
It's much worse than this actually.
Things I Think Will Happen Next Year
- Sales of Mayan Calendars up for 2012, drop for 2013.
- Martial Law in the USA, first probably in Louisiana
- Depression greater than that of the 30’S
- More wars for Israel, our rulers. Probably Syria soon.
- War with Iran (!) for Israel may trigger WW3 conflict with Russia
- World Supply of Band Names will run out
- Americans will go along with this, but resisters will be FEMA camped.
- America the one I loved, the one my dad fought for on Omaha Beach on D-DAY, the man who helped take out the machine guns on the cliff, won’t be alive to see young men wearing uniforms and BE the enemy he fought.
- Fascism will be America. It already is. Simple definition: When government rules over corporations, that’s socialism. When corporations use government that, my friends, is fascism.
- Foreign troops may likely be used in popular insurrections.
- Snooki will have another “book”.
Stuff I Would Like to Have Seen In My Life
- Truth about 9-11. THREE buildings went down that day. Building 7 wasn’t even hit.
- Indians winning a World Series (OK, not so bad since my Jays won two in a row!)
- Browns winning a Super Bowl
- Truth about the JFK murder
- Young people mobilizing for change instead of watching E!
- USA not being Israel’s puppet bully.
- An American awards show being half as good as mine. Or, basically, getting a chance here. I can run a show. I can create a show.
- All those new girls I like naked liking me as much as I liked them
- Living in Paris or New York again
Say what?
Things I Regret
- My inability to conquer my alcoholism
- The things I did because of it
- Leaving Canada
- Moving to Los Angeles
- Not fighting harder or making a better deal to stay with The Comedy Network I helped create
- Not being able to live up to the helping hand so many wonderful people offered me
- The hurt I caused in my family, friends, and maybe even strangers.
- That I am no longer able to withstand any more of life’s pain
- Most of all, the pain I have caused and am now causing my sons and the love of my life, my ex-wife Bianca, my love and connection with her is infinite
- The fact I will never get to repay the love and generosity you all deserve
- Lisa.
Things I am Proud Of.
Or Just My Life When I was Really Alive, or just a point form autobiography
(In chronological order, not in order of priority. You decide that.)
Merry? Happy?
- My two sons, who have grown into graceful, intelligent, strong, handsome, creative and loving young men.
- My twenty some years with the greatest love of my life, Bianca. I caused her pain, exasperation, but we also shared love, joy, and an indescribable special unique language of the heart that only we spoke. The greatest gift anyone could ever have. I love her in the words that really trivialize the words “I love you.” She defined that emotion for me and made my life worth living. If there is a loving god, she was my blessing.
- Never being unfaithful to any woman I was with. Although close. Very close. You know who you are ladies. Except you alluring strangers. Sorry. Phew.
- Helping my mom to read and write English after my dad died when I was ten
- Asking my priest “Can God Make Something Heavier Than He Can Lift?” Please read this: http://wp.me/pKBYM-dP
- 1600 on my SATs and got into a good college, Allegheny in Meadville, PA a 90 minute drive. (Also got accepted to Yale, Amherst, and Johns Hopkins but couldn’t afford the travel or probably the parking fees.)
- Resisting the Vietnam War with daily activism, action, writing, demonstrating, traveling to Washington, tear gas, etc.
- Campaigning for Robert Kennedy, then feeling the shock of his murder]
- Leaving America and going to Paris after that
- All the 24/7 sex I had on the trip by ten days at sea (292 girls on board, three guys, seriously. Girlfriends all over France for the next year. Learned French.)
- Becoming involved with Parisian students in 1968 in a wider cultural movement, learning how to silkscreen posters. Getting hit by a flic’s rubber coated lead baton
-
When I was Young. When I had Hope
- Deciding to return to university, going to Cambridge, talking my way in to King’s College (had the transcripts, the grades, and crushed the interview.)
- Being in the wings at Footlights and getting one line in a sketch. Python legacy. Had no idea how huge they were a year later. John effin’ Cleese!
- The idyllic but ivory tower wonder seeming evil after watching the Chicago 1968 Convention and deciding to leave for the real world and back to the fight. No more punting on the Cam to Grantchester and reading Rupert Brooke as I floated back.
- Transferring to the University of Manchester, home of the RSSF (Revolutionary Socialists Students Federation), a working class city with a “redbrick” instead of the prestige of Cambridge and a huge activist student base.
- My Art History Tutor, Alastair Smith, becoming Curator at the National Gallery in London and taking classes with him in our tutorial group (just four of us) by train every Monday to London to walk through the gallery with him. Seeing original Piero della Francesca’s fingerprints on the canvas. Wow.
- Returning to the US and becoming a very prominent small town anti-war activist. Then leaving for Canada as a draft resister, not “dodger”. (Dick Cheney and George Bush are dodgers. I resisted. I was wanted by the FBI.).
- Becoming one of the first video artists in the world, as SONY gave me and a few other artists the world’s first portable video camera and recorders. (Heavy backpacks, reel to reel, cameras bigger than today’s catered lunches.)
- Showing my work (comedy videos) at the AGO, New York, Museé d’art Contemporain in Paris, etc.
- Ted Kennedy intervening in my case to drop charges due to illegal activities by the FBI and CIA against me. (Long story. Very interesting and relevant today.)
- Helping bring Major League Baseball to Toronto by helping start the Toronto Blue Jays as first Publicity Information Director. Fifth person hired. Set Major League record for most attendance by first year expansion team despite 107 losses. Huge fun.
- Moving to New York to work for Warner Bros. in development. Reading a script and at 11:00 at night calling my head of production to send it over in a cab saying “Read this! It’s so greenlight if this goes it is to win Best Picture and if not it’s the best screenplay I’ve read since I’ve been here. Read it tonight Diane.” It was Kramer vs. Kramer. We lost it to Paramount. I was right though. (There is likely more informed info on this story but this was just my experience with it.)
- Being told by Jean Doumanian that I wasn’t “funny enough to write for SNL but you’re spoken of highly. Can you type?” Notes on a script shown to me by another writer: “make it funnier.” (This is background for the famous article in The New Yorker.
- Writing for SNL after Lorne sacked her. (Huge long story here. I discuss this on a podcast and more. Please listen: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/crobama/2011/08/13/joe-bodolai
- SNL. Wow, what fun. Wish I had been more ready for it as I was very alternative. So I was assigned to work with Andy Warhol on his few videos for the show. I could write a lot about this. The glorious Rosie Shuster is more than I can describe. The lightning of her mind, the warm comfort of her enormous heart was a gift from a god that only exists when I think of people like her and my friends like you.
- Becoming a very very minor “co-owner” of the Utica Blue Sox in the New York-Penn League with an unaffiliated independent team and winning the championship in like 1983. Spent the summer in low level minor league ball. Amazing fun. Real owners were Van Schley, Bill Murray, John Alexander and the bogus Roger Kahn. Long story here about this guy. Missed the whole story, wrote a book. Total fiction. What a loss. Reality was so much more.
- Coming back to Canada and working with the wonderful John Brunton, whose friendship and talent I have missed for so many years. Great hilarious speech at my wedding.
- Creating “It’s Only Rock ‘n Roll!” and winning a Gemini and launching Mike Myers as Wayne and pretty much opening the door for his amazing talent.
- Lorne asking me to produce Kids in the Hall. Long story here. He didn’t tell me that HBO was going to cancel the show after the first season. I kept it alive. Honest to god. The cast and crew had no idea what I did and I didn’t either. It would not have gone to season two had I not become the me I loved. Thinking on my feet in the breakfast meeting in the HBO boardroom with Bridget Potter. The Kids have no idea. Ask John Blanchard, who was there but probably will not get what I did. I saved his job too. I fuckin’ kicked ass.
- Writing the first draft of Wayne’s World with Mike Myers. I kinda knew our draft was really a second movie, not an expository first reveal, but my heart wanted him to find his voice. He sure did. (The second movie? Nothing to do with me. Wow, did it suck.)
- My Gemini Awards. I was a writer on the first, and then produced the four highest rated shows in the history of the show. I made them comedy shows. I made news anchors do sketches. I produced the best awards shows in Canada and can kick the shit out of the worse shit they do here.
- Comics! 115 episodes, eight seasons. Designed to unleash Canadian comedy on TV. After I took the job, offered by Sandra Faire, I was asked “how are you going to find 13 comics to do a whole series?”
- I changed the concept Sandra presented me. Instead of a documentary/reality model I said “no, don’t take cameras into clubs. Let me stage performances on a set so it looks like people would pay $50 to be there and use the b-roll budget for whatever they want to express.” It worked. When we finally got into prime time, we were over a million an episode. That’s huge.
- CBC wanted to cancel the show, which originally was buried at 11:00 and no promo. Sandra called me to give me the news. I said, “no fucking way. This is the future of Canadian comedy development.” I went into George Anthony’s office, Sandra on the couch behind me not saying a word, and I demanded that they recognize that for the little money the show cost the benefits are your entire comedy development/talent budget on a shoestring.
- I was on fire.
- I won.
- Now I had a greater mission. I wanted a channel. I felt the huge failure of comedy, such as sitcoms, on Canadian television, could only be successful if showrunners were comedy writers, not Telefilm form fillers. This is one of the proudest accomplishments I have seen come true. Mark Farrell, Brent Butt, so many more of you….
- I remember believing in Mark and teaching him silly things like “pencil not pen. Change pages? Turn the upper right corner…” Knew he was the guy.
- Ivan Fecan asked me to help him go for the CRTC bid for a comedy channel. I was fired up like you can’t believe. Made a horrible handshake deal with a guy I worked with on radio in the 70’s.
- We won. I kicked ass at the CRTC. Video here. We showed this to the CRTC. Game was over.
- http://www.youtube.com/qualityshows#p/search/0/fAnBauKcA2c
- Then surreality happened. My handshake disappeared. I got offered a deal my lawyer described as “they want you to walk away. This is an insult.” I objected. The next day they hired Ed Robinson. I like Ed, but…
- So I was fucked. All those years, all that good faith, and now nothing? I had offers in LA, but didn’t want to do that. I love Canada. I love Canadian comedy, the POV, the sweet pomegranate seal meat mixture of it, the lack of mean with the Robin Hood arrows, and now I created the opportunity I dreamed about… gone?
Turn Yours On if You Work in Television
- By the way, most comics thought of me as a “CBC executive” rather than as a colleague fighting for us in the room. It’s okay. I did all right. I may not do standup or like one of you, but my mission was a lot bigger than jokes then. I hope I served you well.
- I moved to LA as it seemed I was totally fucked by Canadian television. So…. did some great work as a “show doctor” on helping people with their pilots and sales tapes with a great company called LaunchPad. I got to work with Ryan Seacrest and Ray Romano and others. I kept an NBC strip daytime reality series on the air by just basically taking over and taking their material and re-visioning it.
- Then the two guys who owned the company split up, before Christmas. As the guy who left was on my side of the equation (creative not promos) I ended up losing at least a year of work. I can’t cut promos. I’m just not a fit for that. I loved working with writers on their shows.
- Meeting and working with the amazing gift from the comedy god that is Sarah Hyland, the funniest woman on earth. Going to her home in Louisville for Christmas and taping (yeah, remember tape?) and shooting with her and her wonderful real life character Gail, her mum. Please watch my wonderful truly improvised videos with her at http://youtube.com/qualityshows
- The gorgeosity that is Cherie. No words here. She did save my life for real in a psychic connection we have that would just make you think we are crazier than we are. We were a very odd duo. Wow though, so different me and this girly girl is one of the most beautiful women on earth. Love Unlikely actually.
- So look at Canadian television comedy today. Showrunners are becoming more and more comedy writers or performers. You need to keep the fight against formfillers as “producers.” Canadian TV? It’s still fucked up with no promos, no other industry support that can compete with the money assault of US media. Only faith in the quality and morality of it has a chance. Every Canadian comedy show is probably doomed by money. Hence, I created Comics! as a throw the dice and see who will step up. I think I am so proud of helping liberate comedy talent. Russell, you hearing me?
- Look at the list of people whose first break on TV and faith in their creative genius I believed in. Wow. I am so proud. Mark Farrell was the first Comics! we taped. I gave first TV appearances to Russell Peters on three different shows (!)as well. Ron James was there but now he has a show. Anna Gustafson sent me a tape from Lund, B.C. and now she is living her life. Bonnie McFarlane. Her podcast is so amazing you must get on this. It’s called “Bonnie and Vos” or something. I’d probably not want to be married to him either but she’s from Cold Lake, Alberta so funny obnoxious controlling Jews are probably what is down in her pants. Get on this podcast people!
- (I remember Bonnie’s Comics! episode where she wanted to do a new set and couldn’t remember it. So nervous. I said. “It’s just tape. Keep it in your pocket. If you take it out, we can edit it out. The audience will love you more knowing that you work, you write, just let them know this.” She forgot her set. We used it in her episode. One of the great cool unusual moments in a comedy performance ever. “Okay people, I forgot my set.” Pulls the paper from her tight back pocket jeans and the audience is like me. In love. Applause break. Especially since her comedy then was so dangerously dark at surprising moments mixed with observational okaycharmingness and then an anexoria joke. And she had the t-shirt, jeans, no boobage enhancement. At least I got them to brush her gorgeous hair.
- Cold Lake. Bonnie, you should tell Rich that’s the name of your pussy on your amazingly great podcast.
- I’m proud of my life. Not how I lived it. How some of the things I did maybe are more okay than the things people who don’t have my life did awful things.
- I feel so proud of you all. I am so proud of having worked to do some of the following things:
- Raised money and worked for Mercy Corps, IRC, OxFam, NRDC. We need to do more. Please people, look them up. Help.
- Bristol Bay is a chemical Chernobyl we cannot let happen. Please go to NRDC for info.
- “IF YOU DON’T LIKE GAY MARRIAGE, TELL STRAIGHT COUPLES TO STOP HAVING GAY BABIES!”
- Helped HRC with the huge campaign to win marriage equality in New York. That went viral but not mine. Just know it helped me work on some GOP support that helped. Wow, what a Friday night that was. June 24.
- So many long-suffering people. I watched a video of a mother carrying her dead infant searching for water. Somalia. MercyCorps field worker showed me. Somalia.
- SOMALIA AND DOWNTOWN LA
- THAT WAS A TIME OUT FOR TEARS. I heard the girl’s voice on the video. She was carrying her dead child. Carrying her dead baby. God, if you exist, you are fucking evil so you treat your people on earth like this?
- Tell me the difference between god and the devil.
- I don’t believe in a “loving God.” I perhaps believe in one sick superfuck evil.
- I don’t know what more visions of hell I can see, but my life seems to be providing them.
- The shelter I am volunteering in may be my new home. I call it “Shawshank Summer Camp.” 65 men on cots in one big space where sleep is victimhood.
- … and a Happy New Year.
I don’t need replies or comments or anything. I need to feel the good that I did and whatever good I have ever done for you is enough for me. May you all have the happy lives you deserve. Thank you all for being in my life.
Love,
Joe
Say It Ain't So, Joe! 
Joe: I’ve just read this **** & 1/2 piece of brilliance after also devouring a large hash spliff all by myself…….am I too high? or is this really the end of it for you? Please tell me it’s the hash?
“Frenchie” McFarlane
PS:if it is the end, then make that a “5 ***** piece” of utter brilliance……..eh?
pass it to me
i’d like to share in this, especially in honor of joe and these words. rest easy
Damn. Just – damn.
Wow. 9-11 truther, Israel hater, nut job extaordinaire! Truly a Renaissance man (snort)…
How exactly is he an Israel hater? I guess in a house of lies, truth is treason?
Oh hey, Mike. Good to see a nice old fashioned American hating, Israel slave!!! How you doing?? Ready to go and fight Israel’s war, or are you going to sit back and watch as we fight it for them???
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY???
Alcoholism is a vicious and viscous bitch. Stories like this far outnumber those people like me who made it into recovery. Tragedy like this reminds me that each day i suck wind on this planet makes of me more of a miracle. i weep for Joe and even more for those that loved and love him and had to watch him go down that dark road.
Agreed. However Alcoholism is extremely treatable. I celebrated 20 years of sobriety yesterday. An alternative to this solution exists. Suicide Hotline. Alcoholics Anonymous.
@aardvarks Absolutely it is. On January 11, 2011 i overdosed on sleeping pills while drunk. i left suicide notes online. i got out of the hospital two weeks after and the first thing i did was go to an AA meeting. i’ll be one year sober January 11, 2012.
That’s what i meant about how every day for me is a day where i feel like a miracle, because each day is a gift i tried to throw away but now enjoy immensely with my children and the rest of my family.
And also the 12 step thing DOES NOT WORK for many, many people. There are many of us who will attest to doing it outside of what that cult will say.
@Leah Wow, “cult” seems very judgmental and prejudiced. What does it matter where people go as long as they receive the help they need?
Thanks to the “cult” I have 16 and a half years of continuous sobritety…meaning not only that I no longer consume alcohol…but that I have discovered a Power greater than myself. No humna power could have relieved my alcoholism
In fact, I identify with Joe. But, for the grace of God go I. Leah, if you too suffered as I did…and as Joe did and are not living a happy joyous and free life…more power to you. Cult…or no cult.
God bless Joe’ and his family
Is this your last days, I cried and I laughed and I wonder.
RIP Joe
woah. never hear of this guy before that tmz post. I totally agree with his predictions and things he’d like to have seen. this world is going down the toilet fast. rip dude 😦
RIP Joe.
Joe – thanks so much for everything. After working with you just a few days, I always knew I could drop by your office at the CBC when you were there. You kept doors open for young upstarts like me wherever you were. For what it’s worth, you were strangely popping up in my mind the last month or so. I kept meaning to touch base, because it had been years. I wish I had… but life is like that. You were and still are an inspiration for me, Joe. I’ll be reading and re-reading your blog entries, kicking ass and taking names. Rest easy, Joe. You made a big difference to me and so many others. We will miss you – even though we never said it enough, we love you, too.
Many people will miss you, Joe!
Bless you, Joe.
you were a really cool guy. so funny and so real.
RIP Joe! What a terrible, tragic loss… of such a brilliant soul.
OMG !! RIP Brother Joe!
You are/were a hundred times more successful then I am. If you took your life, then i guess that means it’s time to take mine.
Suicide is never the answer. There’s always hope. Plz contact me if you’re seriously on the edge. I’m here if you need a listener. RIP, Joe.
SnowKat0391@aol.com — All you have to do is e-mail me.
The point is that when things like this happen–and with people of enormous fame and success like Kurt Cobain, etc.–it illustrates more than ever how FAME AND FORTUNE ARE NOT THE ANSWER. What is? I’m not sure, but one thing’s for sure, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU. That’s a much too fickle criterion for meaning; no: SOMEHOW WE MUST FIND MEANING WITHIN OURSELVES. Sorry for the shouting, but seriously, realize that those who aren’t giving you the attention you know you deserve are, in many cases, no more content in their lives than you are. Hang in there. Go to the ocean. Sit and listen to it, realize that it and the rest of the universe are bigger than you and the problems you’ve come to magnify within your mind. You’re a part of the universe, of nature, rather than society. Society is an illusion, a distraction; and yet we give it the power to make us miserable, to compare ourselves against those we believe are more fortunate within it. They’re just human beings like we are. And fame and fortune don’t make them immune to the sort of pain that so-called ordinary people are also subject to. WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
Well said! Tragic that someone so accomplished couldn’t see the power he possessed and how easily he could have been happy.
Beautifully said. RIP Joe
Everything you wrote Brett, so true and so beautiful! I agree 100%
Bullshit”We are all in this ttogether
Kurt lived a lonely life with a feeling of a hot poker in his gut.It’s Not depression,or addiction,usually,it’sphysical pain you wusses would not last a minute with.Either put money into research for these chronic physical hells,or shut up with the.judgemental pollyannas.
WE are very alone when we are in chronic acute pain,and denying it makes people want to die Thanks
nice one BR
r.i.p
Speak to Joe’s family, especially his sons and rethink. RIP Joe.
Things I Regret
My inability to conquer my alcoholism
The things I did because of it.
Alcoholism kills. This suicide occurred on the same day I celebrated my 20th year of recovery. I celebrated sick with the flu for the 7th straight day. Damn. But for the grace of God there go I. There is another way. Suicide is a Selfish act. A permanent solution to temporary problems. Call Suicide Hotline. If addicted or alcoholic. There is another beautiful way to live. I could blow smoke up my ass by listing accomplishments. It would serve no-one. The one I will stress. I used Alcohol and Drugs massively, I did what I thought was permanent damage to my family and business massively. Today, happily married for over 8 years. Wonderful relationships with my 4 kids. One currently stepping up to help run my business. From the pit of near homeless and staying at a dive motel to the life today. AMAZING. Their is a cure.
Look up Alcoholics Anonymous in your area. Work the 12 steps. Get a Sponsor. Go to meetings. Do not drink.
Family accidents, a divorce, a damn near bankruptcy, a career ending back injury. Yep all occurred while the program worked to help me stay sober one day at a time for 20 years. Avoid suicide, There is a much better alternative. Your family will love ya for it. Better yet. In time you will love your self for it.
For the love of god, do not look up or go to AA- their rates of recovery are WORSE than NO TREATMENT AT ALL (ie, so called “spontaneous recovery” rates are BETTER than the results AA produces).
To arrdvarks, You’ve got it! How incredibly sad, that Joe never found or followed the amazing road of recovery! Obviously to all who read his memoir, he had, and would have continued to have an incredible life, so worth working out the snags and downfalls…..perhaps he could have given more of his time and efforts to the organizations he so passionately believed in…perhaps he could have continued to write and “open up eyes” to the atrocities he knew of, the hunger and strife, that so touched his being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough, and managed to climb the 12 steps of recovery, despite whatever type of program we are involved in, know the incredible happiness and serenity we can attain! Unfortunately, for Joe, and obviously to all the lives he touched along the way, it was devastating to know, that he found death, as the sole way he could achieve it!
You are not a failure. Life sometimes fail us. We can still continue though. Please give me a call in New Orleans at 504.272.8506 or email me. I look forward to hearing from you right now = and let’s talk about success. It’s great that you are writing.
Success you have – you have just made a connection. Please call me or email me. 504.272.8506. You are not a failure. Life sometimes fail us though. We can certainly get through all of this.
Thank you for the laughs, Joe. See you on the other side.
Say it aint so Joe!
I’ll say this for you – you were talented. This is clearly the best suicide note I’ve ever read. OK, it’s the only one I’ve ever read, but still… I think you still had a lot to offer mankind, but I admire you for following your heart. RIP.
@failure not to be rude but… don’t be an idiot!!! you can only live life to the best of your ability. you can’t compare it to someone elses.
WHOA!! NO!!! NOTHING IS TOO AWFUL TO TAKE YOUR LIFE!!!! THERE’S A WAY OUT OF EVERYTHING!!!!! Please don’t think this. I don’t know you – but I know this does NOT mean you should follow Joe’s steps… whatsoever. Please call : 1-800-273-8255 it’s the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and they will talk you through your issues.
Why not? Life’s a choice. All aspects of life are choices. If you feel like checking out, then check out.
Your’re right – aspects of life are many times choices. Checking out should not be one them.
Where ever you are now, keep blogging. Please.
Ditto
Where ever you are are now, keep blogging. Please.
From reading your last thoughts, I can understand how tired you were Joe, how you lost hope that things would get better, be okay. Sad for your family and friends though, that you gave up and gave in to the darkness and the demons.
This world is cruel. I never knew you but hope to in another dimension.
Rest Well.
I wish there was a different end to your story….
Rest, rest in peace.
Make the call.
Why do people think that a person who wants to kill themselves will call someone to stop them…. duh.
Some people are actually scared to take their own lives and they will hesitate. I’ve worked for a suicide helpline before and I’ve seen how these call centers really do help save lives.
Optimism is a political act. In fact, these days, cynicism is obedience. – Alex Steffen
RIP
You are an absolute idiot for killing yourself when you had 2 children. What a coward and a selfish act. Loser
Awful response to an incident of suicide. Suicide/Depression are viable illnesses, and crippling ones at that, which cut to the very core of a person’s being. Yes, there is a lot of hype surrounding depression these days in the media, and many people are over-medicated, but don’t underestimate the brutal toll it can take on a person. Having experienced it from both sides – both being suicidal and losing a parent to suicide – i can tell you that it is a very real, formidable force, almost like a cancer, and something that is often beyond people’s control.
@NoWorry – So, you’re excusing suicide, then? How dare you insult those of us who suffer from crippling Depression, yet would NEVER, ever kill ourselves.
Some people believe that there is no way out and, at the end of the day, we in ourselves will never truly understand the pain and thoughts they went through. Thus we have no write to judge and comment, to make accusations or to even accept. We simply grieve and work harder to help those in this position. We don’t have to and may never be able to understand but we should always try and help. Offer a shoulder to the person who is down and always smile at someone even if they’re a stranger. You never know when you can make someone’s day. Thoughts and Prayers with Joe’s family. May his legacy live in.
It was his choice to make and his choice alone, judgements and name calling will not change that.
Coward? You try to kill yourself and see how sacred you would be. Joe is a brave dude.
This. Though to be fair, an act can be both brave and selfish- they aren’t mutually exclusive. That being said, I usually “feel” suicide is selfish, but hesitate in labeling it as such….it is simply impossible to be able to fully understand the extent of mental and/or physical pain that someone who makes that choice is under.
Comments like these make me realize that people still don’t understand depression. Only a person who has not experienced a crippling depression can make judgments like these. If you were in the shoes of someone with this kind of depression, you would realize that suicide is no more a choice than your “choice” of paying the bills. There seems to be no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel, and when you feel that hopeless, you do irrational things that you wouldn’t do if you were in your “normal” state. This was clearly a man with a severe illness who was not medicated properly and in my opinion, he was not able to make a rational decision. He was not able to think about others, even his own children, because his pain was so unbearable. Think about it–really think about it. Choosing to END YOUR LIFE? That is not something that someone in a healthy mindset is able to do. Could he have reached out for help? Of course, and maybe he did. But when you’re that deep down into a depression, you often don’t have that ABILITY. You are HOPELESS and think/KNOW that NOTHING will make you better. Is it awful? Yes. I feel terribly for the children, and I wish Joe would have been able to “ride out” the depression. Clearly, that was not a choice or else he would have made that choice. Joe was in too much pain.
With that said–no, not each person who goes through a dark depression is suicidal, and I don’t mean to say that one without depression can’t understand the mental state, but at the same time, from my experience, even working with professionals, there is a disconnect between patients and doctors who have not been through a depression. They tell you to “do this” and “do that” like a healthy person could do but how can you do all of that when you CAN’T DO ANYTHING? When running an errand is impossible because it is physically and mentally impossible get out of bed?
To make the false assumption that a person who is so severely ill is thinking clearly and is capable of making rational decisions? You’re just wrong, and I speak from my own experience, as well as many other folks in my life. It’s like telling someone on acid to drive a car. A person with depression IS NOT THEIR NORMAL SELF. They are something else, something darker. Try to have some empathy and step outside of your mind–there are many worlds and mindsets within this one world. You are entitled to your opinion, but I really want people to understand depression, and it’s entirely frustrating when it just seems like they might not be able to. Unfortunately, it’s a terrible, painful, awful disease that because you can’t “see” like Cancer, many will never understand, and that’s a really sad thing for those of us who are in great amounts of pain but are told to “snap out of it” or “go get help”. It’s not that easy and we need kindness, understanding, compassion, and above all, two really big helping hands from someone who we trust will not let go.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is impossible to describe crippling depression to one who has never experienced it, but yours is the best explanation I’ve seen. It is a disease, it is not a choice. It bears repeating, It is NOT a choice! A part of us is diseased and malfunctioning, as with cancer or diabetes or emphysema. And just as with those “acceptable” diseases, sometimes all of the specialists, medicines, willpower, and treatments in the world cannot cure someone. You do not tell someone with cancer to snap out of it. That would be seen as cruel. It is just as impossible for one with severe depression to snap out of their disease, as well. While I, thankfully, have never been truly suicidal, I do not judge those that are, as I know firsthand how mental illness can destroy your brain, your rationale, and your life. Thank you for explaining this awful disease so that some may better understand.
Thank you Alex for this. Joe was one of my dear friends. We tried to help him over the years but you are right- he wasn’t in his right mind. He didn’t always make the best choices. He couldn’t. And realistically there are not many resources in this country available for people like Joe. We were trying to get him back to Canada where he could get more help. Sadly the demons won again. I am glad he is no longer in pain and I know he would have loved all this outpouring of love and support. He’d even get a kick out of the idiotic comments too.
i couldn’t of said it better myself…. all i’ve been telling my peeps is, “you just don’t get it!”
you end up alone because everyone’s on ur ass to “get a grip”…. u just want the nagging to stop…
again, well put Alex… bravo
Thank you for saying this. As someone who has recently been contemplating suicide and have been since the age of 10 years old, people who do not have this disease of depression do not understand how it hurts. It really really hurts.
you hit the nail on the head. i would love to talk with you.
So well stated. After reading his final blog I believe he had a dual diagnosis with both depression, maybe Bipolar and alcoholism. It has been noted whether alcoholism or substance abuse will intensify the depression once they try to recover and that is why persons do not accomplish recovery because substances cover up the feeling of pain. Recovery is hard work and a person needs support from others to be successful. It is a long process, which involves not only treatment for the alcoholism, but the depression.
The real issue is persons are labeled for what they do instead of someone reaching out and asking ” How can I help?” Just be there to listen, do not judge, and help the person find the help they need to have a brighter tomorrow.
RIP Joe
Go FUCK yourself, “Afraid to face demons”
My guess is his therapist told him to take stock and write down his achievements and loves and a Mossad guy murdered him after he finished.
Agreed. Why can’t we accept one’s desire to check out? It’s not like the planet is suffering from under-population of humans. On the contrary, almost all of the planet’s ills could be traced back to human overpopulation. Maybe the only regret is losing a human like Joe. I didn’t know this man (unfortunately) but am unable to forget him, and glad of it.
He knew that. That’s why he’s dead. You invalidating pompous self righteous ass.
You are an idiot. His kids are grown adults. He will never read this as he is dead. Magically some people don’t want to be alive anymore & maybe they shouldn’t be helped if they don’t want it. The cowardly act is to keep on living a life in pain if you don’t want it. He said it himself that he hurt a lot of people & was clearly in a lot of pain. I hope that you never breed because your lack of any kind of compassion is disgusting.
You lived a wonderful life, ups and downs included. Most people won’t get to experience what you did. I’m sorry it became overwhelming, and I hope you’re at peace wherever you are now.
I totally agree with this, may family and friends find peace
Goodbye my friend. I hope you have found peace.
You will be missed & won’t be forgotten, but not because of your connections – because you were a nice guy with a good heart.
What a sad day. A very, very sad day.
RIP
Good riddance.
Post a smart-ass comment about a guy who needed meaning in his life and you won’t post your name or anything?! How high and might you are. I try not to have regrets in life but I really regret the fact that this guy could’ve been saved, literally and spiritually. All the good he did in his life… it,s just unbelievable that you have the heart to say this about a man searching for something bigger than himself in this world.
Fuck you, anonymous.
This is what’s wrong with the world today, entirely too much apathy and little or no empathy. The I got mine, screw you if you failed attitude is sickening.
Rest in Peace your troubled soul.
Empathy for someone who just ruined lives? He now feels no pain, while others will suffer for the rest of their lives. No, I don’t have empathy for that.
Good On Ya’, Joe! I totally support a person’s right to check out on their own terms, and at a time of their own choosing. I, too, have battled alcoholism all my life (actively in and out of AA for over 30 yrs.), and have also felt the absurdity of life on this crazy, brutal, knuckle-dragging planet. If I were still a Catholic, I’d say that the Earth is, at the very best, Purgatory. Why people cling to existence on this plane is beyond me.
So, I say, Good On Ya’, Joe!
What are you 10?
That was deep. As deep as a piece of shit like you gets, anyway, you fucking coward.Go read your Kim Kardashian magazines and leave the real world alone.
Thank you for all the laughter you brought to my life though your talents.
RIP Joe. Thanks for helping me out when the shit hit the fan in the tabloids. Screw you for not giving me a Comics though lol. Just kidding. You deserved better. Canada eats its own. That’s why it sucks.
RIP Joe. I hope your pain has been lifted.
I know how you feel Joe, you’re not alone. Ive felt like that too alot
I hope Joe’s words here and subsequent suicide prevent another person’s final act.
Reading the note, it seems like there was more hate than love in him. Sad.
No, what’s sad is having a myopia like yours that would completely miss the entire point of his note, which is the exact opposite of what you think it is. Any hate you found there, you placed there. That’s sad.
he obviously had hate in him. it’s not an insult to the man….but why would a happy and satisfied individual commit suicide? There was a reason but I think it’s ridiculous for anyone to say what that exact reason was. We’ll never know…..RIP Joe.
@Anonymous: you are apparently not very adept at reading subtext— and even the text itself amply reflects Joe’s well-variegated angst. You can’t see the naked loathing in Joe’s commentary? Don’t blame Mr. Katz or accuse him that he “placed there.” If you sincerely can’t see it, find a well-qualified health care professional that you trust and discuss Joe’s commentary. I’m sure that person will point out the hateful subtext (and text) to you without fail.
too bad he died a conspiracy mined jew hater, most smart people end up becoming less ignorant as time passes. oh well, rip and i hope the kids turn out alright anyway.
How absolutely vicious and nasty you are.
His owned words proved him to be a conspiracy minded jew hater. Can’t you read?
I have to admit…he kind of was a jew hater. Kind of obvious, in fact.
Not to the smart people, it’s not.
Jew hater? Naw…realist. That’s what I read..and I see more and more people seeing the real everyday. THAT’S what disturbs you, isn’t it?
To the adults:
Too bad Joe couldn’t sober up enough to allow his thoughts to clear….but he knew he couldn’t….a lot of pain to deal with….
I don’t see any Jew Hatin going on, I see someone who realized that Israel has far too much control over US policy. There are Jews who feel the same way, which makes them perceptive and un-selfish, not self-hating.
Not suporting Israel does not make you a “Jew hater”. You’re an idiot.
So what if he was, and he was right.
All that he has done and contributed in his life and superficial scum like you only see what his views on jews. Disgusting pig, and people like you are the reason why the entertainment industry is in the toilet.
Conspiracy minded Jew Hater? Are you for real? Everything he stated about Israel is true.
Damn you Bodolai! I want to be angry with you but I trust you. Implicitly.
You were one of the wisest and most generous people I have ever had the fortune to know and work with. You gave me courage. You gave me freedom and the opportunity to express myself. You protected me from predators of the human spirit. The solace that I take from your life is knowing that I was not unique – you affected so many people in these ways. So while I grieve at your passing, and my inability to give you this message directly, I gather from this blog entry that you knew all this. You knew grace, my friend. You embodied it, even here at the end.
Some say that suicide is a selfish act. That may be true. But as far as I’m concerned, you earned the right long ago to decide which side of the stage to make your exit. Though it tears my heart out, I cannot disagree with your decision. Because of who you were, who you are, and who you will continue to be.
May a hundred, a thousand, a million, more Joe Bodolai’s rise in your place. Legacy.
This is for whoever might read it later. I’m so sorry that it hurt so much. People see you laughing and joking and think “Oh they’re such a clown. Such a cut up. Great sense of humor. Could never be down.” blah blah blah. Those of us who fight our own particular species of grey dragon know, yes, we can be that down and still be the life of the party. People, please remember that, and hug your friends. Tell them you love them. And make them believe if they ever ever need to talk, you’ll listen. Joe, we never met here, but when I meet you There, remind me I owe you a big bear hug, one jokester to another, and a couple kisses. We’ll spend a day telling each other groaner jokes. Just remind me. I’ll be the one surrounded by all the cats.
I never knew of Joe until this morning, but reading through his life I recognize his hand in so many things that brought me laughter over the years. Wherever you are Joe (no where, most likely, that being the likely destination of us all after death), thank you. To those who say there is never any justification for suicide, I disagree. It is always sobering, sad, even tragic when it happens, but it is not always wrong. It’s wrong when someone carelessly commits suicide because they are drunk and distraught over some passing difficulties. Those are the people who would have woken up the next morning and worked their way through their problems, and lived lives they found rewarding and worth living. But,when someone like this, who is clearly very thoughtful, self-aware, considerate of others, respectful of life and the value of each day lived decides — carefully, over a long period of reflection (and you know that Joe did this; he did not just kill himself on a lark) — that it is time to end his life, I feel that it is a choice I must respect. We will all die. Guaranteed. Most of us will wait until death comes to us, catching us in some random fashion as we frantically try to run away; some will meet death at a time and in a way of their own choosing. I do hope anyone reading this who might be suicidal will fight that urge and seek help, since suicide is not something that you can change once done. But I respect Joe’s decision. The things he is proud of are mostly things that he undertook with courage, fearlessly and in the face of opposition, because he believed in his vision. It is heartbreaking to me that he was so sad and lonely and pessimistic about the future that he chose to end his life. But the decision seems very much what one would expect from him. I think that it was in its own way courageous, and should be on his list of things to be proud of.
Life is a gift from God. Suicide isn’t respectable, but it isn’t something only cowards do. The pressures of this world are ultimately unbearable if we try to deal with them on our own. People like Joe keep searching for meaning in their life, they feel like there has to be something bigger than us out there. I’ve been there, I understand what they’re going through. Courage may be needed to contemplate, attempt, and even succeed with suicide, but I think in those last few moments on Earth, when someone has just jumped, or is just beginning to drowse off, or when they’re just pulling the trigger–they regret the decision. Life is such a gift and people become depressed and suicidal after they assume that we aren’t interconnected–that our life doesn’t matter to anyone else–that we are small, inadequate, and worthless individuals. The big picture is that we are all connected. Joe’s death is affecting me in a bigger way than he and I ever imagined,mainly because we never knew each other. IfI could just tell Joe that there’s more to life than the crap of society… but it’s too late. Rather than going on about “respecting suicide” or “deciding to commit suicide because he was better than I was” or saying “good riddance”, we should all try and help those depressed and give everything up to God. God has us in the palm of His hans and while we sit and think we’re alone…that no one cares for us, we’re completely wrong. Our Creator cares, and He has a plan for us if we submit to Him.
There are no gods. Your comment makes a lot of unfounded assumptions, but this is the worst one considering that the deceased not only did not share your superstitions, he was a much more intelligent human being than you. Your comment insults his intelligence, demeans you, cheapens the discourse and adds absolutely nothing of worth to the issue of suicide prevention. Please keep your superstitions to yourself.
“God has us in the palm of His hans”
Tell that to the woman in Somalia: Joe thought he must have had a blind spot there.
There is no god. Answer the Question: Can your god make something so heavy s/he can’t lift it?
Sheesh.
Suicide is not always cowardly. Throwing your body over a grenade to protect your fellow soldiers. Honorable. Not treating your Alcoholism by going to AA and working some steps, having 2 children and an ex wife you “Love”, and then choosing to drink Gatorade and antifreeze? Cowardly and selfish. After my 20 years in recovery from alcoholism. I have hugged the families left behind by suicide. To take a permanent solution (Suicide), to quite temporary and curable problems (alcoholism and depression) is indeed selfish. This is no statement about a man who has a 40 year resume of good work deeds and perceived slights against him. This indeed a statement about any man who inflicts this kind of pain via suicide on those he “loves”. God is great, God exists. For the angry atheist what is GOD? Good Orderly Direction. Call Alcoholics Anonymous. Go to a meeting. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. Use antidepressants if necessary.
Please, do not look up or go to AA- their rates of recovery are WORSE than NO TREATMENT AT ALL (ie, so called “spontaneous recovery” rates are BETTER than the results AA produces). There are other treatment models that have demonstrable success rates. Sadly, many well meaning people (including judges and doctors) do not understand the science behind determining statistically effective treatment outcomes, and advise people to go to AA.
Atheists aren’t angry, theists are. Atheists have the world on their side, after all; theists are always fighting to try to maintain dignity in their evaporating belief system.
You are an idiot. AA promotes religion in people who need recovery, NOT religion in their lives. They prey on the weak & in the end do NOTHING for people. People have to want to recover, not just submit to nonsense programs with no meaning.
And to sit there & mutter on about God on a blog written by a man who didn’t like God’s non-interference on us is idiotic.
He led a beautiful life. All life is beautiful despite the foibles. I wish he were still alive so I could touch him with that electric knowing. He is dead now forever. Sad.
Interesting man – interesting final post. This may be a controversial statement, but I will always respect a person’s decision to take their own life, and feel that it’s sometimes a comfort to at least have that as an option. No, suicide should never be the answer, and it’s an utter tragedy in every way – especially for the loved ones of the victim – but if a person decides to end their life, they’re in a place that people on the outside aren’t going to be able to readily understand, and we should be careful with our judgements of them.
The New Yorker ran a piece a few years back about people who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, noting that “Survivors often regret their decision in midair, if not before.” I really like what one of the few survivors, Ken Baldwin, said about his thought process after jumping. “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable–except for having just jumped.”
For those that may be interested, here’s the article Matthew is talking about.
http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2003/10/13/031013fa_fact?currentPage=1
Thanks for the link.
We all learn, one way or another. “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable–except for having just jumped.” will be taken to my quote side notebook.
@BEENTHERE: DON’T RESPECT PEOPLE’S DECISIONS TO TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE. ITS HORRIBLE AND DESERVES NO RESPECT AT ALL. THE DEAD GET AND DESERVE NOTHING. FOCUS ON THE LIVING PLEASE.
no need to yell. i’m not deaf.
Joey Jo-Jo, people should have the right to chose everything about their lives including when and how it ends and the rest of the people should accept that choice with out judgement. Who are you to control another person and insist they continue to suffer?
If you can’t respect their decision, at least respect their pain. Just imagine the agony one must have endured for a long time before suicide becomes (in their eyes) a viable option for them. RIP Joe. Sorry to see you go.
People deserve the right to do with their life what they want. What is more selfish, ending your life and hurting your loved ones, or forcing your loved ones to linger on in a life they hate because you don’t want to miss them?
You are wrong. Disrespect for the suicidal is the last push they need to pull the trigger.
Never knew you, but sorry to see you go. For those reading these comments, keep in mind the destructive power of alcoholism / addiction. Joe probably would’ve benefitted from a(nother) trip to rehab. It’s hard to see yourself and the world clearly through the fog of substances…
this broke my heart, his poor family, God Bless you Joe and may he forgive you and take you in his loving arms.
I’m sad to think the powers that be finally got to him. R.I.P. Joe.
Joe, I hope you are now enlightened by God. You are with him and now you know why there was so much crap AND good on earth, God loved us so much that he gave us the free-will to do what we wanted….to do good and evil…evil is not created by God…evil is created and comes from those who stray from God…..I am sad to hear you are gone and I hope you’re with your creator–God–as you watch over your sons…God bless you.
p.s. Do you get it now Joe…the meaning of life? Be at peace.
He’s not with God. He is very clear about his feelings on God here, in his last living thoughts. If you truly believe God is evil, you’re not going to be spending eternity with him when you off yourself. Where he is, who knows? I hope he’s not regretting his decisions because it would suck to have made a permanent decision and then realize it was an unfixable mistake.
I would imagine he is in the county morgue right now. And I don’t think he is regretting anything as his brain has stopped functioning.
I agree. If indeed in the afterlife it would be a Christian afterlife. Eternal fire and damnation. The ones I feel most sorry for is the family, friends and loved ones. My prayers are with them.
There are no gods. If believing in any is your reason for living, that’s your business. But please have the courtesy to not insult the intelligence of others with your superstitions.
“Amen”
very well put
What an asshole. I don’t know Joe, but read the blog. You have no idea what people go through or where they have been to get to this stage. Sounds like Joe went from despondence to despair and didn’t see a way out. In his last days, it sounds as if he hit rock bottom and didn’t know how to get up. Calling someone that is dead and cannot fend for themselves a loser???? Do you even know this man? Sounds to me he lived a colorful yet troubled life. I’m sorry when people are so judgemental over people. I am a conservative right wing if you believe that. I am not a “bleeding heart” that feels sorry for everyone. You just never know what people go through. Suicide is a bad choice, but it was his. If anyone else feels suicidal, PLEASE talk with someone. There is hope, and as dark as things sometimes appear, the sun will come out the next day….who knows….you might even feel different and be glad you didn’t make that irreversable choice.
Typical “Everything is Israel’s fault” idealist, who was most likely an anti-Semite as well. Good riddance!
shut the fuck up. Israel is a cancer to the entire world. My Jewish grandmother who survived Sobibor thought so too. Hating the Netenyahu-Lieberman junta doesn’t make anyone an anti-Semite.
You have no concept of decency. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
before Natanyahu, Israel had many more liberal leaders. Hamas wants to destroy Israel, not make peace with it! Your grandmother does not know everything.
We all know where the “my country/nationality/ideological group, right or wrong” mentality leads — to totalitarianism. True democracy is the freedom to question everybody who does something wrong — even if they come from your “tribe.” Anything else is simply blind ideology. And that’s the sort of thing that will allow you to commit atrocities simply because your blindly-trusted leaders tell you to.
Israel contains good and bad, the same way all nations do. Refusal to recognize that will lead to atrocities. And the U.S. (which also contains good and bad) is pretty close to that, if they haven’t already crossed the line.
Please open a dictionary and learn the meaning of the words you wish to use. One is no more an anti-Semite for objecting to the politics of Israel than one is a racist for objecting to the politics of any African country, for instance. Governments aren’t races or ethnicities or religions.
Horse manure.
There’s no narrative of “All our problems are the African’s fault” but the anti-Israel narrative is “Israel and Jews cause all our problems – if our government or economy or culture or anything else is askew – it’s something that was done by the Jews!!! With the overarching enmity narrative plus implicit death threat that it drips.
This focal point appeals, this narrative fills a hollow place inside many people. You can’t turn on the web without encountering it. And maybe this appeals to you, or perhaps “explains” everything you don’t like in the world or in your life or in yourself, as it seems to have in Joe’s case. The first commenter called it plainly.
And you denying that is pure rubbish.
Lets imagine you subject to that kind of hate and threat someday somehow, and as a casually popular trend. How ya think ya’d like that, kiddo?
Idiot. None of what he said resonates with you DOES IT?
The pain his family must be in now has to be undefinable. I’m so sorry for his sons. I hope they will somehow find peace with this horrific act on the part of someone who claimed to love them.
Joe seems to have done good in his life, too bad he died a coward.
This coward meme is so tired. You’re not a hero for living a life you don’t want to live. You’re not a coward for deciding your life isn’t worth living. The best you can do is insult the deceased? How does insulting a dead man not make you a coward?
The hero and the coward both feel fear and depression. The difference between the hero and coward is what they do with it. The hero fights on. The hero goes to AA. The hero gets treatment for depression. The coward commits suicide, bringing pain to his family and friends. There is an alternative. Call Suicide Hotline, Alcoholics Anonymous.
What do you do after you’ve been to AA for over 20 years and you still can’t stay sober?
In and out and in and back out over and over…sometime 2 0r 3 years clean… dry?
Then in the 90’s you went down the antidepressant road for over a decade?
30,000 pills later you’re so gray inside you need a drink to feel anything.
Then you find out the whole time that you’re Bi-polor. Then you try to address that … long story…. You want to believe in a God but your thinking mind won’t let you for more then a second or two?
You are filled to the rim with creativity … but are sometimes too drunk to express it.
I’m sorry but some of us can’t seem to get it? I know that we do try over and over but something just does not click?
It’s hard to be lost and alone with yourself … a tormented child.
arrdvarks (like MANY…maybe even “most”…?) doesn’t realize that AA has rates of recovery are STATISTICALLY WORSE than NO TREATMENT AT ALL. It’s a baffling gaff in group-think that such a statistically failed model like AA still gets so much well-meaning but careless support (then again, large numbers of people still believe lie detectors are scientifically valid and that evolution is not reality….so perhaps it isn’t surprising).
So anyways…and I can’t believe that this man’s sad death has led me to beating this drum…..if you or a loved one are suffering from alcohol dependency, DO NOT GO TO AA (or any “12 step” program)….seek out some form of rational behavioral therapy, or even just the support of a spouse or loved one (so long as they are not pushing you towards an AA/12 step program).
That’s…a tragedy. I’ve been where Joe was. Oh, the circumstances were different, to be sure, but the fact remains that I wanted to die. Sometimes, I still do. But one day in the midst of crushing, terrible pain, I cried out to the Highest God and said through tears, that I chose Life instead of Death; that even though I felt terribly alone (and sometimes still do), that I would go on just the same. Because truly, Pain doesn’t last forever. I knew that things inevitably would get better. And since then, things have, bit by bit. I try to get through each day and thank God at the end of it. I think about my family and how they would feel if I took my own life. My cats sustain me and keep me from utterly succumbing to despair and from feeling so alone. I’ve got a roof over my head and a job connecting with wonderful children that I get to teach every day. It’s been harder than usual with the holidays, but I still choose Life. I just wish Joe had…
I’m glad you chose life, Karla. Best of luck to you and everyone else (me included) who feels despondent but has chosen not to give in to it. And my best wishes to Joe and all the others (wherever they may be) for whom life was too much.
I choose life today again … but just by a thin line. I’ve made it for years with struggle, attempts and addictions.
It’s so hard this time of year and I do want the world to change for the better … but it just gets worse each day.
Part of our humanness is so cruel and murderous.
Now it seems no one hears us when we vote, protest or scream.
We are mostly drowned out by a (controlled) media bent on sensationalism and of course manipulation to distract us from the real truths.
I’m afraid his predictions are spot on and that our country is already NOT ours anymore.
It’s very sad to look at the children in my life and the destruction some have left in their paths.
As a whole we have failed but I hope they overcome and I will continue to overcome too.
I thank this man most for his honesty, knowledge of self and for passing it on to the rest of us.
hang in there…..please do
So sad a horrible loss for all of us who were touched by Joe. RIP. You will be missed.
He was begging for recognition for what he believed were great accomplishments but that is no way to live your life and it ensures great disappointments which from the look of this note filled his life.
Love it! Much better than my dads suicide note…..tell him when u get there he’s missing out! Oh and congrats if you do it on xmas eve….my dad did it on new years eve. OBV not as amazing as you.
just saying….
The Mossadd strikes again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is you: http://qkme.me/35l84x
I knew and loved Joe in the 70’s in Toronto. He was always, a friend. WIshes for peace in the next world, Joe.
I’d make sure it was the last day also for a whole lotta other folks I’ve known over the years!
Well then, God, I’m glad you’re already dead.
This is a huge loss….and probably one of the saddest things I’ve read in a long time. Suicide is a final solution to a temporary problem no matter how big the problem is. It’s never a solution. Very very sad. May he RIP.
booze is so fucking insidious. peace Joe. and thanks for all the laughs.
There are a lot of people who can say a lot of crap, but this guy needed help and it wasn’t given. Will that ever change? Who knows. It’s upsettinf that people could care so little about a human life.
A person has to want help or others are just wasting their time. Sad but trying to help people who don’t think they need it or don’t want it, is a waste of time and energy.
Kids in the Hall rocked! Thankx for the laffs dude.
I reached out to Joe on email, but I live in TO and could not connect. If his death stops ONE of my dear friends from too much alcohol, I would be grateful.
The song Dare to Live by Bocelli is a strong statement. Sometimes it is difficult to carry on.
Joe dared to live, and I wish he was still around.
Rest in Peace Joe, you were valued more than you knew. Like all of us.
Its not like he did anything really funny, like Beavis & Butthead.
My heart is broken. We all miss you and hope you are at peace. Wish we could have talked. My deepest sympathy to your family.
RIP Joe. This note is sad, brilliant, poignant, and concise. I wish you had reached out in some manner because in that darkness; that abyss of pain, it only takes one sweet voice to walk through it with you — for however many hours it takes. Sadly, you did not have that. Suicide has been to close to me to many times — its not cowardly to me when its someone you love. Its horrible, unbelievable, shocking and to this day, feels unreal. My condolences to his family and friends — for they will feel this for the rest of their lives. 😦
RIP Joe…sorry to see you go. Thanks for all the laughs.
suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. i hope you find your peace
ohhhh Joe…………….all you really needed was a good bed and breackfast for awhile…miss you already
Much love Joe. Wherever you are, you’ve made impact on us all.
If this post isn’t evidence of your brilliance, I don’t know what is. I’m very sorry you were in so much pain and I hope you have now found your peace. Rest easy.
THIS IS THE WORST BDAY GIFT A MAN CAN GET THE WORD SOMEONE HAS DIED.AT LEAST HE WILL BE THERE SETTING ME UP WITH GOOD SEATS IN HEAVEN.
Haven’t you read anything the poor guy wrote? He didn’t believe in God and said that if there is one then God was evil.
I’m sure God understands – and forgives him. Everybody’s human.
RIP Joe. So sad to see you go this way. You were a great force for Canadian comedians.
durr hurr
What a tragic loss to a brilliant mind. So many accomplishments and tragedy. A few thoughts and maybe a little insight to some of the comments. Though I never knew him, I can relate to his story in a very profound manner. I battled alcoholism for 12+ years. Unless you have been under the addiction umbrella, you really don’t know how, at times you feel worthless, self-depriving and devastatingly lost.
I lost my way…..lost my friends and family. Isolated myself from the world. Had severe depression and left a very successful career. From 100k/yr to poverty in the blink of an eye. All because of the disease called addiction. Maybe you are reading this story and are in the same place. If you are….there is help.
As hopeless as you may feel, there is always someone, somewhere willing to help you. Friends, family, a social worker, a guidance counselor, a kind soul who opens a door for you, a support network, a friend you meet on the internet. NEVER give up hope. If you need someone to talk to who has been there, if for anything else a sounding board, let me know…
i could use a little help…
I stopped drinking 4years ago it was a sudden decision it was the single best thing I ever did for myself. 11month Hangover but worth it without alcohol sloshing round my body even when I was sober it took that long for my brain to readjust. I reasoned every 12months every cell in my body would be replaced, every strand of DNA replaced in a decade so why be terrorized by Ghosts? Those memories of shame,humiliation and self hatred literally happened to someone else. It gave me the permission to start afresh. All those sad times were an education so I could value Happy times when I found them. People that stop drinking are so much luckier than people that never drank at all we know the unstoppable power of the Human Will. Make your decision to reclaim your soul and trust me you’ll be rewarded a thousand times over. Good Luck Sanquar.
With respect to other poster’s if you don’t trust in others help (after all I didn’t trust myself!) do it alone. It was the only way I could do it. Break ALL habitual cycles. Put your shoe on the other foot use your left hand if you used to use your right. Eat the opposite foods to your normal diet. Lots of sugar fat and protein to feed your starved brain (forget calorie counting for a year ok?) drink lots of still water too. Throw out your beer glasses there must be no reminders. Avoid TV,Movies and Music you feel will make you emotional. No drugs or any potential substitutes. Your body and brain must heal! Read to educate yourself,learn a new language or an instrument. Your cognition must be rehabilitated. You are allowed to be self congratulatory,smug,arrogant,triumphant,self serving and overconfident after all you have defeated your worst enemy and found the secret of life just for the sake of others keep it to yourself ;). Be ultra disciplined and accept zero chances of going back. What if’s do not exist you live each second to create the next. Worrying,Speculation and Daydreaming are fantasies for idiots you are no longer an idiot. Karma is going to hurt you,accept it, you are no longer on vacation you must tackle everything head on. The punishment WILL stop. Be ready for people not to recognize you the change WILL be total! Good Luck Sanquar ENJOY IT!
I met Joe a few times. Nice guy. Man, this is no way to go. We all had a thought or thoughts about ending it. But you wake up and try to make it better. I feel for his family. One more day Joe. Just one more. RIP
RIP
Joe, May pure unconditional love be with you on your journey always.
R.I.P Joe.
Peace Joe
“Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep. He hath awakened from the dream of life” – Shelley
Thanks for saving ‘Kids in the Hall’.
Joe, thank you for the smiles laughs through the years and I hope you have found some peace!
Coward.
Idiot.
Uninformed.
Brilliant writing, too bad there’s such little irony.
RIP
-The Eye
http://theeyeoffaith.com
I didn’t even know you, but this is sad. I never saw a suicide blog before, and I hope I never do again, but I was moved. RIP.
So sad.
Just another anti-Semitic asshole. Too bad, since some of your other comments were right on the money.
It’s amazing all his comments didn’t go over your head since you can’t even understand what anti-Semitic means.
My Condolences to Sons. I hope you have some great memories with your Dad.
I am so sad that you are gone. You touched the lives of so many (funny) people.
Your vision, your style and your own incredible talent. Your parting words and final thoughts will haunt me forever. I will remember you Joe – Rest in Peace
To the trolls on here
There is no lower form of life than those who would attack a mans memory as soon as news of his death comes out – and as a comment to his suicide letter. None.
It’s really too bad that such a nice man has died while scum like you carry on.
I hope you all receive the same respect as you have given Joe and his family here. You RICHLY deserve it. You take the top prize in the ‘Fucking Pricks’ category.
If you didn’t like Joe, or you have nothing nice to say in his memory…. fuck off. The world needs more people like Joe and a lot less of you. Remember that.
Well said!
Who wouldn’t trade being rid of all the trolls on here for the rest of eternity to get back one more day with Joe? Sounds like a bargain. Sadly, that’s not a deal we get to make.
Another wacko conspiracy theorist bites the dust, and nothing of value was lost.
This is the best you got? Back to troll school with you.
More dead cowards? I think you’re just an opportunistic mortician.
Seriously, dude: Yawn.
We who are creative and sensitive. We who think of others. We who are imperfect and don’t lie about it. We are fucked by a world of assholes whom have all the power and non of the heart!
Yes, you are right. Just be glad and proud that you are the way you are, and you don’t look to hurt anyone or add to anyone’s pain. Just live your life the best way you can, being the most decent person you know how to be, and that alone is more than a lot of people are willing to do. Hang in there.
Ever find yourself insulting a deceased person?
RIP Joe,
Although I would be really depressed if I was Lisa…
If you are prone to depression, you should stay off the sauce. Actually, everyone should stay off the sauce. Someone with 1600 on their SATs ought to know better, but then again addiction is a nasty mistress. I can recommend a great book for Kindle readers. Shuksan Descent.
so very very true Rick.. O:)
Actually I have thought about this quite a bit.. If you’re 57 you really start wondering.. I ‘spose
I would try to have all my ducks in a row… been living in the same house for 21 yrs… lost my hubby in 2006. Hmmmm. what would I do.. I would welcome any angels that came to me telling me they are gonna help me cross over.. ‘spose I would prepare for my final time here..
I want to be creomated.. I would thank God for all my pluses in life.. thank “IT” for all the good and the bad. Lessons learned..hoping to move on.. to a sort of heaven.. don’t want to hang around this earth plane. I have loved and been truly loved in this life.. what else is there? It’s all good. Guess thats about it. I’ve had a good life.. not wealthy.. not necessary. It’s only money.. and at the pearly gates… we will be told.. It was Never about the MONEY. So much more to learn in life. I will ALWAYS thank God for all the lessons! Don’t want to be here for the devastation that is coming to Earth.. I think I can help more souls from the “other side”. Anyhoo, thats my take on it.. As John Lennon once sang.. “Love is all there is”.
“not wealthy.. not necessary. It’s only money.. and at the pearly gates… we will be told.. It was Never about the MONEY. So much more to learn in life.”
So true. I’m glad you posted this. Thank you and Happy Holidays/ New Year to you 🙂
RIP Joe! My heart goes out to your sons.
You did good by me Joe. You made me laugh, and the world is in dire need of people who are gifted enough to make us laugh. May you rest in peace, you will not be forgotten.
You will be missed. Thank you.
What a funny, interesting, genuine man. Brilliant, tragic post.
Rest in Peace, Joe! Thanks for the laughter, and I choose to remember the good you did…and the good you intended.
On Christmas day I tweeted a link to a blog post by a man who tried to talk people out of suicide. I thought there was probably someone out there who needed to read it. I can’t believe it was Joe.
To his children and Bianca and Cherie, he was a terrific human being who was funny and determined to make life work. You have lost a wonderful person in your life and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Never heard of the guy, but I’m always sad to hear about another celebrity-type who kills himself. I suppose chasing fame and fortune isn’t worth it after all. He never had peace and he hid his misery behind the comedies he wrote. People thought he was a funny guy when in fact he was a sad guy.
He harbored hate and resentment, especially toward Jewish people.
Thank you so much, Joe, for all that you did for me and the guys. You were a lovely man. Rest easy, you were gold. I’ll see you later and I’ll buy this time.
You sounded like a real faggot. Good riddance.
…says the biggest faggot named “horatio” pffffff
Sure thing “Ano!” Is that short for Ano-ther dick in your mouth?
RIP Joe. Your insight into the world will be greatly missed.
RIP Joe. Your unique insight into the world will be missed.
RIP Joe
Where can I book the boat trip with the French girls?
I was really moved by your writings and agree with you on many of them, but seriously Joe, what you did was not funny. Not to mention nasty. Ewwwww. Gatorade and antifreeze, say what?
Joe, Joe, Joe … loved ones left behind, having experienced this before with my friend Jay Moloney in 1999, we always think of youse dammit. Forever more you will be a thought that saddens and still shocks long after the event.
Rest in peace Joe. Take care you and I hope it’s better now.
May God Bless your Soul and comfort your Family and Loved Ones. I hope we cross paths one day…in another life…
Selfish prick
Then why didn’t you offer him help when he was suffering? You’re the selfish one, prick.
Thanks so much Phil. It is responses like your’s that oft time are the reason people choose the exit door to the continuation door.
Selfish is what you just wrote. Honest is what this man has done for himself. He realized what had to be and had the courage to take the path that lead him there…
I wish you peace Joe and peace to your family and those who have shared your life….
Blessings
RIP Joe – really hard to fully understand why you did this. You are incredibly talented, had children, and still had much to give the world. That makes me sad, but kudos for what you did with your time on earth. For anyone in Joe’s shoes, keep your head up and don’t do it.
Death is only experienced by those left behind. Many people have said this. Mark Twain hated copy write laws. I guess he knew we would run out of things to say once we started watching Television. SNL seems to have been a jewel of cursed brilliance. So much talent that has come through to remind us all of the fragility of life. I have appreciated writers more. Though I didn’t know him…boy did we all know his work. Laughing at this horrific comedy. He was a brave man. He took stands. He took falls. He was a human as any of us. The best thing we can do, at times is to barely have the strength to turn the page when things are not exactly the way we want them to be. This is one of those moments, where we realize once again, death is only experienced by those left behind. It doesn’t make it easy, it reminds us only of our own mortality.
Thank you for this lovely post. Joe was an old friend in his Toronto days. I have been shocked by the many nasty posts. “He was a brave man. He took stands”. Thanks for those words.
Things I Regret
My inability to conquer my alcoholism
The things I did because of it.
Alcoholism kills. This suicide occurred on the same day I celebrated my 20th year of recovery. I celebrated sick with the flu for the 7th straight day. Damn. But for the grace of God there go I. There is another way. Suicide is a Selfish act. A permanent solution to temporary problems. Call Suicide Hotline. If addicted or alcoholic. There is another beautiful way to live. I could blow smoke up my ass by listing accomplishments. It would serve no-one. The one I will stress. I used Alcohol and Drugs massively, I did what I thought was permanent damage to my family and business massively. Today, happily married for over 8 years. Wonderful relationships with my 4 kids. One currently stepping up to help run my business. From the pit of near homeless and staying at a dive motel to the life today. AMAZING. Their is a cure.
Look up Alcoholics Anonymous in your area. Work the 12 steps. Get a Sponsor. Go to meetings. Do not drink.
Family accidents, a divorce, a damn near bankruptcy, a career ending back injury. Yep all occurred while the program worked to help me stay sober one day at a time for 20 years. Avoid suicide, There is a much better alternative. Your family will love ya for it. Better yet. In time you will love your self for it.
Yes, I’m replying to all of your well meaning, but scientifically, statistically inappropriate posts on this…if humanly possible, please do not take it personally, as you are far from the only true believer/testimonial-ist beating the unfortunate drum of “AA.”
Please, do not look up or go to AA- their rates of recovery are WORSE than NO TREATMENT AT ALL (ie, so called “spontaneous recovery” rates are BETTER than the results AA produces). There are other treatment models that have demonstrable success rates. Sadly, many well meaning people (including judges and doctors) do not understand the science behind determining statistically effective treatment outcomes, and advise people to go to AA. If you or a loved one are suffering from alcohol dependency, DO NOT GO TO AA (or any “12 step” program)….seek out some form of rational behavioral therapy, or even just the support of a spouse or loved one (so long as they are not pushing you towards an AA/12 step program).
Sleep, sweet man, sleep well.
You will be missed dearly! R.I.P! You were such a great talent! I will always love you!
Condolences to those who knew him.
I am really sorry I did not get to meet you Joe. Maybe soon.
Hang in there..
R.I.P. Joe
I see a very broad text he wrote which is positive and upbeat. if his assessment of the U.S. mirrors that of the two retired four star general U.S M.C, officers and most of the public, he knew he had a lot of friends. I see insufficient indication of despondency. The guy just wrote up a storm of well communicated ideas. he did not know who his friends were nor how many needed him around. Did somebody suggest he write up all of this?
My condolences are sincere.Bless his loved ones.
My heart goes out to Joe’s family and loved ones. I would think some of them may read the comments here. I regret I made one earlier attacking Joe’s decision to end his life. I’m sorry, it’s bothered me all day.
Then at least you learned something. It’s good to have a conscience.
Joe was not thinking very clearly if he thinks that Israel is USA’s boss. Someone should have told him it’s surrounded by 20+ muslim countries that force Pals to stay in camps for 60+ years. Israel gets rockets rained on it from Gaza and Lebanon but USA tells it it cannot defend itself. If Israel existed in the 1930s-40s we could have avoided the Holocaust.
If your problem is Natanyahu, then what about the last 5 leaders? How come Hamas could not make peace with any of them?
It’s easier to blame Israel than to blame the 20+ surrounding countries who BTW grossly discriminate against women, Christians, minorities, and any one else not a muslim male.
Gatoraide and Antifreeze? Seriously? There has to be a less painful way to go. I can’t even imagine the pain someone has to be in in order to guzzle down antifreeze, poor guy. I hope he finds eternal rest in heaven and the glorious embrace from God.
I also am saddened to read these comments, but moved by the blogging. Joe, such a fine, articulate, talented, sincere, deliberate man who had much to offer, but yet received not enough to survive him. I am saddened by the pain that you suffered, Joe, and God only knows how long you “hung in there” with this pain. I’ve walked down this road, over & over & over & over again myself. I’ll spare all the details but can say I do understand. Joe didn’t take the cowards way out, it takes quite a lot of bravery actually to follow through with the plans he had, articulating it so eloquent & deliberately. Genius, genius Joe. I never knew you but believe you were loved very deeply, as we all are. We all have a place we’ve come from, whether that is the perfect place we’d of wanted to be coming from, probably not. Does it matter? Probably not. But what does matter is the suffering of a man…many men…& many men I see here that choose to be so ignorant of life, suffering & pain that they would write such hardhearted messages as: coward, faggot, etc…Coward? Jew-hater? Perhaps you are exactly the people that Joe has escaped this physical life from. Is he really the coward? Or is it you that chooses to sit behind a screen & type judgmental, narcissistic, sociopath comments towards someone you have no idea about & have never met. Feel good about yourself? I didn’t think so, for you, are really lower in pain, suffering and living in hell more than Mr. Joe, because, you see, at least he was intelligent enough to know it, & knew why & could spell it to a T. You, the evil one, will reap all that you have sewn in your angry & bitter life you live. Perhaps that’s why you sit & write behind a computer & lash out at anything, it’s safer for you there, you think, all along, you don’t even realize….that you’re really just showing how your suffering, painful, hellish life & existence you really live is. Karma’s a bitch…don’t think it won’t come back on you!
when you have kids you have to think about their well being too. Joe’s decision will screw them up for decades to come.
Watching their father suffer and self-destruct could also screw them up, for all you know he could be estranged from his children because of his alcoholism and he may have felt he was doing the best thing for them.
I know my children would welcome my demise as they both hate me and don’t mind telling me every chance they get. Some families are not all love and harmony and there is not always a solution to the problems in the family. I love my children with my entire being, but they don’t feel the same about me and nothing I do is ever going to change that.
It’s his decision and his alone and I don’t think it’s right for anyone to judge him.
Have you ever heard of copycat suicides? In my State they come in 4’s typically. This man is dead. Gone. His death can teach a lesson about suicide and Alcoholism. The family and friends of this man will suffer tremendously as do most families and friends of suicides do. This is a cowards way out of suffering that inflicts tremendous pain on those around you, while stopping yours. The alternative works. It is the heroes welcome. The family is not harmed in any way. The suicide becomes a serene happy member of society. Sometimes the truth is not a feel good truth.
I am not sure this could have been articulated any better. A person that has not felt suffering at the hands of life, and the blows it can inflict has simply been….well…lucky. Compassion and perspective allows us to see things thru another person’s eyes no matter how skewed that may be from our own reality. To those that have chosen this tragic event to lash out have chosen the wrong forum. Or maybe you have forgotten the dark places your own mind took you when you were suffering.
Never knew you. Loved your work.
Hated loving your suicide note.
Lame… If he is gonna go on and on about how he was a fighter and “resisted” against Nam, it makes you sound like a pussy to kill yourself. Maybe if his friends and family would have given him more support he could have kicked his drinking – which would have helped him see through all this bullshit he ranted about. Everyone needs it to suck it up, quit bitching about stuff and do something to make a real difference. Seemed to have some hate to jews too… Truely a lost soul, for that reason God will still embrace him. God loves you all.
Wrong. Success when determined by those outside the program. We count just one day at a time as a success. Relapse is not full time failure. It is failure for the one day only. For instance: I called someone back I had not heard from in a year out of the program. He returned the call. The alcoholic progressed to where he was now in a hospital with 11 skin absesses, type c positive, and a needle broke off in his leg. He was now an alcoholic and addict. He got out of the hospital. He puts on 6 months of successful days sober. He relapsed for 3 failing days. He now has 2 months and is working and living a sober life one day at a time. Sadly those that do not understand the program project failure upon things that they have no clue about. The gentleman who wrote this article could have used the program and antidepressants to change his families life.
I know you mean well and truly believe in the AA model, and there is probably literally no evidence that I could present to convince you otherwise, but well designed, peer-reviewed, controlled scientific studies (ie, actual evidence) do not bear out any success rates for AA. I’m sorry that you make the unfounded, incorrect assumption that my derision of AA for it’s lack of results are due to my “not having a clue about it.”
RIP Joe and thank you for all the laughs. I disagree with the sanctimonious posters who say that life will get better and suicide is never the answer. How do you know that someone’s life will get better? Sometimes a person just knows there is nothing left to live for and makes the decision to end their pain. That takes more strength than slogging it out and faking it every day. Alcoholism can be a symptom and not the real problem. A person can be depressed for very real and good reasons that a pill is never going to help. Sometimes a person is just useless, unloved, unwanted and unappreciated and anything is better than one more day of the bullshit. So I think he was brave and I hope he is finally at peace.
That takes more strength than slogging it out and faking it every day. No it does not take more strength to simply drink a glass of antifreeze that tastes like koolaid. How do I know? From working with dual diagnosed Alcoholics. Most do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Suicide Hotline and Alcoholics Anonymous works and outside help for depression.
Just because you got a few people not to kill themselves doesn’t mean you are right, Suicide can be the right thing for some people and all you holier than thou do gooders don’t help. In all your work you’ve never met anyone that was truly committed to suicide because those that are don’t go looking for therapy, AA or suicide hotlines. Honestly there is so much of a stigma about suicide that if you’re really going to do it, it’s not a good idea to tell anyone about it beforehand.
anonymous i agree with you completely. suicide happens when a person is in so much pain that it becomes unbearable. and the act of suicide takes an incredible amount of courage, because we can’t be sure that what comes after death is any better than the pain we are trying to escape. i agree with joe’s list of things he feared would happen….including israel pushing us into another war. all you need to do is read some of the hateful comments on this blog…written by people who did not even know joe…and you can see why he wanted to check out. hate, violence, corruption….9-year-olds bludgeoned to death with a brick and dismembered with a hacksaw….parents killing their children on christmas day….wake up, people. this world isn’t all that.
Rest in peace, Joe. You made me laugh for years and I didn’t even know it.
Welp, it’ll be a long…long…(who am I kidding?) Cleveland, Indians…hell, Cleveland anything won’t win squat.
So sorry this was where you had to go. I didn’t know much about you. But I love you and I love your kind. I’m sorry, be at peace.
God Speed Joe. God Speed.
The reality is keep adjusting your program until you find something that works. You know the way meds work. They keep adjusting them until they find the proper combination for ya. I have sponsored and know people that needed them. You relapsed. Does not matter. We keep score one day at a time. I make a comitment each morning as part of the 10th and 11th step. At the end of the day I do likewise. If I stayed sober that day. Alcoholics Anonymous had a 100% success rate that day in my life. I am granted a daily reprieve based upon my spiritual condition. NOTE: Not a lifetime reprieve. The program is based upon one day at a time. My prayers go out to Ya! Call some numbers, hit some meetings, pray, adjust meds, adjust your program, Suicide is the cowards way out.
Thanks … I will do my best!
Yes alcoholism is treatable. However the treatments do not work equally for everyone and for some they do not work at all. Some people can not be “fixed” that way while yet others choose to not act.
It is unfortunate but it is also true.
Yes it is true. Not everyone responds the same way to AA or medications. I have witnessed someone hearing voices, alcoholic and drug addicted. Mom controls the money and provides modest housing. This person takes meds and hits meetings. He also has the occasional relapse. No suicide. Another person. Does meetings. Did not work the steps. Took meds. Relapse. Suicide. This has been my experience.
Ah Joe.
Thank you.
I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend.
Next cycle through of the universe, it’ll all work out. Promise.
Bullshit: The other treatment programs only count long term sobriety as success. In AA relapse is not counted as a failure. In the big book it says we are granted a daily reprieve from alcoholism based upon our spiritual condition. An alcoholic who relapsed 30 times for one day a piece across 30 years was sober for 29 years and 11 months. This is hardly a failure when before the program he was a daily drinker. In the other treatment programs continuous recovery for the full 30 years or you are a failure. We work it, because it works.
Good luck with that other treatment method. If it works. Work it.
The statistics and evidence unfortunately do not bear out what you are countering with…..but I’m not going to get into any more of what the evidence actually demonstrates, as it seems extremely unlikely that you could ever be convinced.
It has not stopped you yet. Give me one scientific journal. Just one double blind study in comparison against AA. They do not exist. Good luck with that other treatment method. If it works. Work it.
there is plenty of darkness in life sometime it seems easier to cross over, when you feel like there is no place left in the world for you…Like your place in this world is just not what you thought it would be….this is when we all must reach out…take a step and connect to someone or something….It only takes a moment, a glance, or a brief encounter to change your perspective…I wish you held out Joe….Rest easy
best
john
It appears he was PROUD of alot of things he did. That was the largest section of his blog. He seemed pretty selfish to me. Anyone who has kids and does this is an idiot and horribly selfish!
I agree @kendra
I am grateful to be a comedy writer myself and to be celebrating 15 years of sobriety soon. I am glad that suicide is not the only way to bring about change. Peace.
Gotta disagree with ya on AA not working. I have 20 years of recovery. Numerous friends with more than 20 years of continuous recovery. Got others with 20 years + of non continuous recovery. None less than Dear Abby said if you want to find a great husband go to AA and marry a man with more than 10 years of recovery. The lessons of the program. Self forgetting. Helping your fellow man. Thinking about how you can be of better assistance to your fellow man. Make for better men. Study the Oxford Group and Washingtonians to educate yourself. However, If your method of recovery works for you. Work it.
Things works (AA/Programs/etc..) if you want them to work and if you stop blaming the world for everything and grow up, commit to a program, system or whatever and get your shit together.
Exactly.
I know you really care, and that is why you are posting….but anecdotal evidence is not scientific evidence (the way you are presenting it qualifies it squarely in the logical fallacy category). But is really caring, or having anecdotes and personal testimony really sufficient when there is compelling evidence contrary to what you are suggesting? I am simply saying “no.” With an issue like this, scientific evidence is all that matters (ie, people actually getting better at demonstrable, statistically significant rates….we don’t want to just “feel good” about the model sans effectiveness, we want it to work). The scientific evidence tells us that AA treatments have an effectiveness rate of 0% (please note, that doesn’t mean that you or others have not gotten better while undertaking an AA regimen), and yields death rates that are statistically significantly higher than other treatment modalities, and indeed no treatment. I have nothing at stake by posting these things beyond “Helping my fellow man. Truly thinking about how I can be of better assistance to my fellow man.” If the evidence suggested that AA was an effective treatment modality, you can bet your ass that I’d be behind it. You sound like a good, well meaning, caring person, and I wish you all the best.
Again show your source for “Evidence”. Give me a double blind scientific study. If you have no study you are doing the very thing you accuse AA of. I on the other hand have seen hundreds of people get healthy. Remember totality of days sober while going to AA in comparison to the other solution. Sadly the “Scientific studies” do not exist. They are measured by continuous sobriety only.
Joe is on to something else now. Probably the realization that he has to face it all, again. Somewhere, someday. Sorry for his two boys. I’ve been there. He has left his sons with having his death be the first thought they have every single day for years to come. But then, alcoholics think mainly of themselves 24/7…and I’m sure his kids knew that.
Grateful to be four years sober and counting. RIP Joe, I am sorry you couldn’t find your way out.
Your statements are completely false when applied upon a non long term sobriety model. In your double blind studies not paid for by a treatment center. Scientific. Across a 20 year period. How many DAYS total was the recovering alcoholic sober while attending AA meetings, working with a sponsor, and working the steps. How many DAYS total was the alternate therapies alcoholic sober. Remember : If it is measured by continuous daily sobriety, the study is flawed. Remember : One Day based upon our spiritual condition.
No, my statements are not false in any regard…..sigh. All the best to you sir.
Site the scientific study you obviously hold in such high regard. Likewise the best to ya.
I know my children would welcome my demise as they both hate me and don’t mind telling me every chance they get.
Yet as long as you are still alive, there is a tiny hope for improved relations and the possibility for reconciliation. Not so for Joe and his two sons who he admired.
Very sad to read. I’m a recovering alcoholic and the saying from AA rings true ” poor me, poor me, pour me another”, it warps your brain into thinking everyone is out to get you!! Get your big boy pants on and get help!! Your worth it!
Wow, I thought the same thing when I read this blog.
Look at this…conspiracy theorist whining, and a fake recap of his proud moments that amounts to “look how much smarter I was than everyone else even though I’m a drunken idiot who is about to off himself.” Sorry, but the world’s better off without people like this.
You have no business judging anyone except yourself. You’re projecting on to him and nothing more.
I wonder if there was a local dry-out program for him…and whether there was a mental health clinic that he could access. Sounds like he was broke.
I thought California was full of programs.
Typically AA meetings are free. The social net usually catches the dual diagnosed. Meds and meetings for all.
Help is everywhere, but far from where you are, if you don’t have people who love you enough to intervene.
To both of the anonymous, I couldn’t agree with you more. I pray God’s peace for Joe is at last. I also feel that, his children have already been hurt tremendously throughout his drinking days & he could have felt he was doing the best thing for them. I just felt a ton of pain in Joe’s writing & am saddened that it has been silenced, that he didn’t take another route, as I have.Anonymous #2-The conclusion I came to was, there’ll always be haters, insecure, jealous, evil people on this earth. Why would I stoop to their level when that’s exactly what they thrive on, destruction? It fueled my fire to burn on & prove them wrong & I say, the best revenge, is success. I also, have made my life a successful one. That’s the gold at the end of the road. Has nothing to do with how much money you have, where you live, what you drive, how well you dress, or who you know. We can’t look to these temporary things to fulfill us or bring us happiness. They will always fall short, just as we are human, we will always be disappointed in another human. Nobody can live up to another’s perfect world or perfect view of what life should be all about. It’s up to us to choose, & it’s our choices we make, nobody else, ours. It’s that simple. & Nobody has a right to judge that, because they haven’t walked in our shoes for one moment. Grace to all, never ending. ❤
Good fucking riddance. Jesus.
He is probably just down in the basement playing guitar
What really struck me is that Joe’s joy and life highlights were mostly decades in the past. He must have been brilliant–and so his life started off big and then became smaller over time. The alcoholism surely didn’t help, but the tipping point for him was that he could no longer financially afford to live. This was a man who had once made a very comfortable living, believed in his talents, tried to help others when given the chance, yet was faced with moving into a shelter. He was an idealist and grew up in a time that was full of infinite possibilities. I doubt his pride or even his mind could fathom that he was facing homelessness — he scored 1600 on his SAT’s, he went to Cambridge, he was a mover and shaker in the profitable television industry. Now, as he faces getting old, he is broke and considered irrelevant and unemployable? Despite the alcoholism he could still write.
I’d bet everything I have that if Joe could have found work and been able to live a life that was even remotely like the one he had in terms of security and comfort and employment, that he’d still be alive. Back in the day, my husband’s dad had a blue collar, regular job and no education but was still able to support a wife, 6 kids and own a home. So here’s Joe–well-educated, smart and talented–yet he’s living in a hotel on his way to a shelter. That’s happening to many people in our country today whether they’re an alcoholic or not. And it’s happening more frequently to men Joe’s age. This is why he wishes he had never left Canada, and why he wants people to turn off the Kardashians, and why he starts his suicide letter with the photo and post he did. I think the promise of our country let Joe down.
Joe let Joe down. He made some bad choices and they were drugs / alcohol they will destroy the best in people.
Joe *did* find work; I worked with him, and he was working there right up until this. It wasn’t in his field, and it wasn’t a career, but it was a good company (with benefits!), and his bosses and coworkers cared about him. We were all shocked and saddened, and we’re all–casual acquaintances and close friends alike–combing through our memories wondering if there was a time we should’ve asked him if he was okay or called him or just told him we were looking out for him.
i don’t know if I failed him, or if we failed him, or if his pain was just too much for anyone to help with. But I am terribly sorry to see that he hurt so much, and I hope that there will be some sort of peace that comes out of this.
Reality Check. Canadian comics have perpetrated a cultural shift in that country which is just as destructive as this suicide note. The man who wrote: ” I don’t believe in a ‘loving God.’ I perhaps believe in one sick superfuck evil” – that man didn’t have a clue. Clueless. I am thankful that after spending years on Melrose Avenue drinking up “The Comedy Store” back in the 1970’s, the original, one-and-only start of it all, that even then I started to taste the bile in my throat. I moved to Canada also, in a personal protest against American actions in Central America, probably a few years after Joe went up. But I left the dirt of West Hollywood behind. I didn’t take it with me. And I didn’t spread it like manure. No, there’s no RIP for Bodolai. It’s not assured for anyone. The damage done to a whole generation of Canadian youth will never be known.
Good thing he’s gone. What a screwup
Now to you Karma….I mean Anonymous…it’s your turn!
Joe was a very special man whom I was blessed to know. To those of you who make judgements on someone you don’t know, please stop.
No truer words said….
Rest in Peace, Joe. I know I will never forget you. Though I wish I could remember you for a longer life, let me say that I will remember you for a meaningful and thoughtful death. This has truly moved me. My love and high hopes for your loved ones, who are undoubtedly those most affected by your tragic decision. But it was yours to make. I can only hope that you now exist in the peace you struggled so valiantly throughout your life to attain.
There’s no way to quantify that, actually – it’s one of those “facts” that gets tossed around so often it gets unthinking acceptance. AA is anonymous, doesn’t collect data, doesn’t keep records or track success rates. No outside entity has access to such figures, either. Any stories of success or failure are anecdotal; self-reported information is notoriously unreliable.
It’s one thing to point out that AA isn’t for everyone, and that some don’t recover with it, others do recover without it. But that’s light years away from “For the love of god, don’t do it!”. It’s worth a try.
Alcoholic depression? Part of it, yes, no doubt. Inferiority? Some. Hateful? Spiteful? Or just…plain bitter? Overwhelmed by the inconsistencies of noble concepts and lack of complete justification for tragedy. Yes. Evidently, it seems. Beyond words? No. Just not beyond pain.
This man screamed the silent prayers of suffrage, of secreted torment. It saddens me to have seen the reasons for his fury…the fury he caught…and didn’t know it in time. And the disease that lived in him…and died with him. I didn’t know him personally, of course. I’ve only garnered what I could from the writing here. But I have known other “Joe”‘s…personally. This Joe…by his words it seems he suffered for a long time. The hatred of the world must have settled on him with vicious consequences, and helped engulf him…along with the inescapable harshness of his disease. Here…here was a wonderful soul…a person…real, loving, compassionate. Afraid and distraught…I wish he would have screamed out loud so everyone could have heard him…and someone might have helped.
As for the negativity I’ve read? I will only hope and pray that when evil talks to you…you, my friend…you will not listen too closely.
I hope you found heaven quickly, Joe Bodolai…I truly do.
My condolences to all of his loved ones…wherever in life they may be.
D Edward Hughes
Marion, NC
PLEASE! Torment?!?!? This man took every gift given to him and turned it into self-loathing bullshit…and when that wasn’t good enough, he made sure to drag his ex-wife and kids through it.
He never found Heaven, I can assure you of that. “No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6
fuck you and your Father.
lol
May God forgive you and have mercy on your soul…
We’re often told that life is what we make of it and that we should make the most of it. Yet, all too often life seems a cruel mistress. Delusion, despair and depression sets in. You wake up and can’t discern the slowly fading dream from the ill-begotten nightmare of reality … some of it of your own making and some of it thrust upon you. On those bleak days, seek out someone you love … and ask them to pinch you.
My condolences.
It saddens me to see someone so obviously gifted and talented lose their fight against the dark tide of depression. To all of you out there who feel entitled to condemn this man for his actions: If you can make those sorts of statements then you don’t know depression and the burden it brings. I’m 56 years old and have dealt with pretty serious depression for most of my life and I will tell you that chronic depression is not an illness, like a head cold or the flu. You can’t treat it beyond a certain point nor can you just ‘ride it out’ forever. You pay an endless toll just to stay alive and on the planet, and there is no time-out from it. Ever.
For me, and I suspect for Joe, depression is something that wears away at you pretty much every minute of every day, all day, non-stop. You can lessen it’s affects somewhat by altering your behaviour or changing your diet, or by adopting anti-depressants or other medications, but (at least for me) you can never make it go away completely. This is one of the reasons that drugs and alcohol claim so many – it’s a simple way to hide from the pain, though it comes with a horrible price of it’s own.
Look at the Grand Canyon, that mighty rift in the ground. It wasn’t created overnite – it took eons of time while the light touch of water carried away soil and rock, tiny bits at a time, until one day you have this monstrous canyon, something impossible to fill or smooth away. After enough time, a persons heart and mind and life begin to look and feel that way, with yawning rifts and holes where the steady flow of dark mood has eroded away your life, your family and your friends.
So before you feel entitled to critique or comment on this poor fellows passing, consider the burden he carried for all the years of his life. Suicide is not a cowards act – it is the final act. It is where you end up when you have nowhere else to go and lack the ability to carry on the daily fight. That ‘permanent end to a temporary problem’ line may hold true in some instances, but not all.
Joe, I hope you are care-free and soaring with the stars now.
HS, Rocklin, CA
So true – Depression is a constant battle!
R.I.P.
Joe accomplished and experienced more than I ever will. Yet, he was still depressed enough to leave it all behind, and kill himself. Makes me wonder if my life is even worth living when it is utter shit compared to his.
If anything, this illustrates how the juvenile and the cowardly find their voice in the comment sections of the world wide wasteland. JOE, I didn’t know you, but knew of you, peripherally, and now I know something of your torment. The sadness of your posts aches me here in Toronto. Perhaps now you are eternity and it doesn’t hurt…at all. RIP. Let’s love each other.
Thanks, Joe.
good riddance, you anti-semite. joe knows nothing about israel and u.s. policies. did joe expect israel (with only a few million jews and millions of arabs living in israel among them) to fight 1 billion arabs without a single ally?
also, hollywood doesn’t hire people over 40. if you are stupid enough to choose the entertainment business, make enough money retire by 40 so you can be your own boss or fall prey to fickle hand of fate.
Washed up at 40? – it’s certainly true in Hollywood. The big corporations rely on ‘young blood’ as if they have to rediscover the wheel. Movie attendance is going down, and has been on a decline for many years. Experienced and capable show business people are thrown away as a matter of routine. Anyone watch the Canadian Gemini Awards anymore? No. They don’t know how to produce a special up there anymore. Bodolai’s work puts them all to shame now. No, Joe wasn’t wealthy. He ended up at that Horror Hotel off of Hollywood and Vine because he had nowhere else to go. Why did he drink antifreeze? I really hope he was stoned out of his mind at the time so he didn’t feel the agony much. A writer like he was surely would have done the research to know how bad that would go down. Did he want to punish himself? Yes, probably. But he also punished Ivan Fecan, the former CBC honcho. Now that is worth crowing about, even in hell.
ur an uneducated dumbass….
Women probably didn’t like you because you were a big whine baby. The rich and famous can’t handle real life. RIP
this is so sad,
Joe, I didn’t know you, but I am so sad you gave up on life. Suicide is not the answer, especially for the ones that love you. They are now asking themselves what they could have done to save you.
What a waste of a brilliant mind. Antifreeze and Gatorade doesn’t sound like a very good last meal. I hope you were not in pain during you final minutes. You deserved better.
Sorry, but I believe if someone really has put intelligent thought into it, and has come to this conclusion, who are we to demand that someone live when it is their choice not to..? RIP sir and I admire your courage.
Randy
Courage???? Did you say Courage???? It is a Coward who commits suicide! It takes Courage to Live! Get what you need…..join and most of all commit to a 12 step program, get medication for your depression, make amends to those you’ve hurt….and Move On! Spend some time in a Cancer unit and speak to the unfortunate people, who pray for another day, another hour, another minute! They would change places with the physical healthy you in a “heartbeat”! Yes, it takes Courage to live! Cherish the Life you have!
It’s not the destination, but the ride.
‘waisting your life worrying about extending it as long as possible’ seems silly to me … at some point down the road it will get scary to the lengths humanity will go to extend life, or cheat death.
just live ur life…. the cancer patients u speak of,.. need to accept their mortality… as we all someday… that is the beauty of life.
I applaud Joe. He lived his life experience, and said good bye on his term.
12 years sober and grateful! I was suicidal prior to sobering up. So glad I did NOT jump. Life is worth living. So sad Joe couldn’t see this….He seems to have done quite a bit in his life.
Maybe your depression isn’t crippling enough, then.
ahhaha
wow. what a coward.
God’s love be with you and all of us, always.
coward ? no….just in his wake a lot of people who cant comprehend his decision. Really, only those who have been or are in such a dark place in their lives can understand it. Its so easy for people to utter “This is never the solution” That is for people who have never felt the despair, the hopelessness, and the feeling that there is only one way out of all this.
Therapy..? Consider someone who has given that a lot of thought and have decided that it doesn’t work for them, or they simply do not wish to for their own reasons.
Again, this is apparently intelligent man who has thought this out very carefully.
Ask yourself, who is it that you really mourn for…?
Randy
There is a message here. I think it is good practice to call yourself into account each day, and write your obituary once a year. When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging…
Life is change–
Growth is optional–
Choose wisely —
Joe you were so kind and so wonderful to work with.
My heart is heavy.
I had read your tweets everyday and laughed.
Take care , hope you have found peace, see you on the other side.
Or in AREA 52..
Rick
I’m so sorry Joe. Not only that you felt compelled to leave this life by taking your own, but because of the torture you must have felt. You speak so well and highly of the good in your life. I am so sorry it was not enough to sustain your life … and to help other tortured souls to live theirs. May you rest in peace.
THIS scares me so much. Nobody could imagine how/why.
I feel so bad for this man. I do. Hard to wrap your head around someone’s suicide and relate. Condolences to Joe’s family and friends. Wherever you are Joe, I hope you found peace.
So sorry, Joe, that your game was rained out. The bottom of the ninth could have been such a sweet turn over. I’ll miss your voice.
My father is 65 years old and to this day has worked hard manual labor 40+ hours a week in freezing winters and 100% humidity with triple digit temperatures. He was also drafted to Vietnam, he didn’t have the means or money to move to Canada, but was lucky enough to become a part of NATO in Germany instead of going to war. My father is very anti-war/military/government to this day.
My father was never a wealthy man, he was never a rich man, but he will work and sacrifice is body for his family until the day he dies. He doesn’t complain about the grind or let things bother him. He gets a job done and cares about keeping his family fed.
To read about this man who was wealthy and successful bitch and complain about stupid shit that doesn’t matter makes me sick. He is leaving behind a family who will be hurt because he is selfish and full of himself. So many people struggle to find food or a keep warm at night. Do you know what it’s like to be cold and hungry? Yet this guy has it all and still finds ways to feel awful and hurt others.
I guarantee you if this guy hung out with me for a couple of weeks I would have had him living and loving life to the fullest. Climbing mountains and making people happy. Especially with all of his money and access to cool shit. Man, what a waste of life, to throw it all away when you have everything.
See, this is what you fail to understand. Not everyone is wired in the same way that you and your father are. People are different, and just because one finds strength in certain things, others simply cannot.
You are way out of line little girl. Save it till you’ve grown up. In the meantime, do not post on blogs like this.
Sorry for your confusion. I do know atheists in the fellowship. How did that lack of a recovery program work for Joe. Email him I am sure he will reply. There is nothing more imprtant than letting the sick and suffering know there is a cure. Suicide Hotline. Alcoholics Anonymous.
I’ve been there…. it’s s scary place. I feel for his sons….. they have to deal with their dad’s suicide for the rest of their life…….
Ah shit, Joe. I would have liked one more chat… You made a group of half-talented Alberta comedians feel like we could take over the world. And then, when it didn’t happen, you stayed in touch. You were pretty much the only one who did that. Love you, you dummy,
People accept without question that every part of the human body can malfunction, become unhealthy and have consequences, sometimes fatal, for the possessor of any given body — except the brain. What makes anyone think that the brain is the ONLY organ than cannot become unhealthy, malfunction, and cause serious problems?
Depression can be caused by environmental factors (losing one’s job, going through a divorce, experiencing physical or emotional trauma of various sorts, etc.), and/or it can be organic. Most often, the type of depression that results in suicide is a combination of the two.
Such vitriol (“…he is selfish and full of himself,” etc.) is a reflection of your ignorance of these facts. (Please be assured that I don’t intend to insult you by saying you are ignorant of this issue, but mean it in a purely descriptive sense, just as I am ignorant of organic farming techniques, or Spanish history.) Spend a little time online researching depression, its causes and treatments — it is readily apparent that it is a genuine health issue, not a failure of will or lack of character. No one would berate people because they have diabetes or glaucoma or cancer, and tell them to “just snap out of it!” (Believe me, I’ve tried to snap out of my terminal cancer since I was diagnosed last year, but so far — I still have it.) But when someone is depressed, those ignorant of mental illness all think themselves fully qualified to diagnose the problem, and say “Snap out of it! You’re just being selfish. Start living and loving life to the fullest. You just need to climb mountains and make people happy.”
That your father has weathered so much adversity, and worked so hard during his life, is admirable. And that he has not suffered depression is lucky, just as he is lucky that he has’t had a heart attack, or be run over by a pick-up truck, or blown to pieces when he served in Vietnam. You are also very lucky you’ve not suffered depression. May your good luck continue.
I didn’t know Joe, but having read the news story about his passing made me more curious about his last post.
Having struggled with some of the same issues that Joe had (inc. depression and the need to find ways to keep from enacting a “final solution.”), I feel for what he must have been going through and the need to alleviate the pain he was feeling.
My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and to those who continue to struggle with this issue.
It’s hard to see the light when you’re surrounded by darkness, but by the Grace of God, i’m still here.
R.I.P – Joe.
May you finally be at peace, brother Joe.
Rubbish.. Anti-Israeli politics is not “anti-Jew” .. just like being against Individual African dictators is not hatred against the people. You could be anti-African dictators while devoting your life to aiding the people of Africa.
This has been a righteous and cathartic experience and here is what I have learned: most of us do not acknowledge that when you come to the end of your rope, sometimes the best thing is to just let go.
The number of people provoked by this act, this post, who jump on their hobbyhorse of AA or Suicide Hotlines and start the go! team! go! chant are more interested in salving their consciences or confirming their life choices than they are about this poor, dead man.
Joe would not have made it nearly as far as he did without the benefit of alcohol.
Suicide is always the escape hatch of the artist.
We each choose the manner of our living; we each choose the manner of our leaving.
Do not judge me until you know what I know, feel what I feel.
All Jews are nervous because it could happen again. The proof of this is to ask a Jew if it’s possible that 6,000,001 were immolated in the ovens. “Yes”, he will immediately say.
Then ask “Is it possible that only 5,999,999 were killed? Watch for the hesitation.
We all drink our own Antifreeze. The question is: which flavor?
This may be one of the longest and best suicide notes ever written. This man is telling us to pay attention to what is important in life. It’s so sad that he was overwhelmed by the daily pain we live in.
A review of some of the writings in his blog reveals extreme paranoia, self-aggrandizement and elitism— signs of probable mental illness and social isolation. His braggadotia re:his academic creds, etc. is juxtaposed with ill-conceived definitions of social and political terms, other self-serving mischaracterizations. This was an isolated, deluded man. I was not surprised re:his alcoholism; the above-ref’d symptoms are common in alcoholics. His self-touted intellect did not help his plight- quite to the contrary it would seem. As sad as it may be that he killed himself, individuals like this— with their misguided pseudo-intellectualizations and self-isolating, hate-driven elitism— can do great disservice or harm to both loved ones and the gullible at large. Hopefully his family and loved ones can find perspective and will focus on their good memories of him.
He was thinking VERY clearly and that’s what disturbs you. Imminent death will do that to a person. Israel has discriminated against everyone who is non Jewish, it’s the reason why Israel lobbies the U.S, Government for intervention in endless middle east wars and will continue to do so. Remember,Israeli citizenship and the rights associated with citizenship are only granted to jews. That is not a democracy.
your ignorance is disturbing. Israel has over 1.5 million Arab citizens and its’ Knesset-congress includes many israeli Arabs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israeli_Arabs
you must be thinking of the 20+ muslim countries like Syria, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Yemen who kicked out jewish communities that lived there for over a thousand years. It’s sad that you are so misinformed.
What a shame. For every person “saved” by religion, there’s another who is done in by it. I read here the tortured thoughts of someone who couldn’t understand why God would allow so much evil and suffering to exist, without apparently grasping the concept that God is just a fictional character that “got legs.” So many people living their lives in fear of this cosmic “Santa Claus” who knows when we’re sleeping and knows when we’re awake, but all too often gives us nothing but a lump of coal. Or does He?
But then, there’s also that saying that true humor comes from pain. Would Joe have been as funny and contributed so much if he hadn’t been so tortured? Hard to say. Surely there are other comic minds who managed to make us laugh without succumbing to depression.
Alcoholism is a killer, too; although my father didn’t die from suicide, he too was tortured by his addiction. And although he ultimately beat it and was sober the last five years of his life, the damage was done.
Rest in peace, Joe. I never knew you, but I mourn your passing.
Jesus christ people, give the man a break, he was rock bottom! The man checked in to a roach and prostitute riddled motel otherwise known as the Retan just off of Hollywood BLVD, downed a concoction of antifreeze and Gatorade, then died what was likely a long painful death. Look up antifreeze poisoning, it ain’t pretty.
Does this sound like a person who was mentally effing spent? Yes, I believe it does. There are many less excruciating ways to take yourself out. This is just one indicator on how bad off he was mentally. I don’t at all understand the trolling going on the comment section here.
I get Joe’s dilemma to a degree. We’re in the same business, we have a few of the same problems… the only difference is i’m half his age and learning his story has opened my eyes that if I don’t get shit in check, it could be me at the Retan in 30 years.
That’s what I’m taking away from this story. Thanks Joe, for the food for thought.
the man simply asked for no comments. please respect his wishes.
Hear Hear.
This man found the figure of a woman – carrying her dying child and asking for life so heart breaking that he pointed it out in his note – when he – living in the part of the World that has it all – he chose death. Wonder what she would have thought of his predicament?
I’d like to think she’d have a big enough heart to feel for him, and say whatever sort of prayers for him that are appropriate in her culture and faith.
there is a lot of bad in the world but also a lot of good. if you give a dollar to a suffering homeless person, then you have made your life worth something. that’s because it made his life a bit better, if even for a moment. so DO NOT KILL YOURSELF because if you have a heart, you still have love to give and get in this world. truly, you do.
Joe, you were a good friend. I looked up to you and loved our talks at the Coffee Bean on Main Street. Wish I knew more.
And I’ll miss you,
– Charles
What a crybaby loser. On and on how badly he was treated in his proud list. Poor Victim. Reality was he was an hopeless drunk that caused all his own misforturune. Only a fool blames others for his own flaws. I doubt this last gasp for sympathy at xmas will get the forgiveness he seeks for the harm he caused so many others due to his lifelong substance abuse. He’s in hell now; no religion promotes you to heaven for suicide: probably explains his parting shots at God too.
JUST STOP IT, this board is not the place. Put your feelings on your own wall, or own blog. *THIS* is not the place.
Report:
No truer words said….
Corey James (@CJ_Politics) :
To the trolls on here
There is no lower form of life than those who would attack a mans memory as soon as news of his death comes out – and as a comment to his suicide letter. None.
It’s really too bad that such a nice man has died while scum like you carry on.
I hope you all receive the same respect as you have given Joe and his family here. You RICHLY deserve it. You take the top prize in the ‘Fucking Pricks’ category.
If you didn’t like Joe, or you have nothing nice to say in his memory…. fuck off. The world needs more people like Joe and a lot less of you. Remember that.
Sorry, the world is already filled up with too many drunks – no shortage there.
Got a 1600 on his SATs and got accepted to the Ivy League, yet somehow not bright enough to avoid buying into 9/11 / Zionist domination conspiracy theories. What a retard; I’m not sad to see you go.
Smarter than you, bro. He’s smarter than you. I guess Robert Kennedy wasn’t murdered either, huh??
I pray to G-d, you have found peace. I lost my best friend to suicide in 2008. It’s a very complicated thing to understand. Especially for loved one’s who NEVER dreamed of such things. May your family find the peace they need during this most trying times of life.
May G-d bless your soul.
RIP Joe
Wayne’s World… party time!
Yeah, a high IQ right there… NOT!
RIP JOE. It didn’t have to be this way. But in your mind, it was.
How unbearably sad this is….as many posted, there is always a better way…. and always a better answer… I too am an AA success story with 9 years clean, despite losing the love of my life, my father 10 years ago after taking care of him as I was watching his body fail him for 8 years, a 7 year bitter and brutal divorce after suffering 25+ years of abuse, only to emancipate myself… I spent 11 years caring for and suffering alongside my mother who was being ripped away by the ravages of Alzheimer’s, endured the death of 5 people in 6 weeks including my cousin’s suicide. I am now the only one left- with my two children in college and a broken back which has derailed my entire life for the past 3 years. I will never be the same, I will never be able to do what I was once able to, and ANY one of the above (there are more than I care to list)…could have driven me to suicide, fallling off the wagon, whatever… there IS ALWAYS HOPE….. I am by no means a religious fanatic, but I believe FAITH, HOPE & LOVE are the foundation on which we continue to live….
AND….
The Serenity Prayer can be applied to ANY AND EVERY ONE OF LIFE’S OBSTACLES!!!!!!!! Just think about it….
Grant me the Serenity to ACCEPT the things I can not change
(we can not change other people- they have to want if for themselves- we CAN change ourselves)
The COURAGE to change the things I can
(yes we each have within us the power to change the paths we are on)
And the WISDOM to know the difference.
(simply put- doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is the definition of crazy- you can’t fix other people- so fix you… no around you will be ok unless you are ok)
The holiday season has a historical record of high suicide rates…. when we notice that someone seems down, depressed, in a rut, a slight funk… that risk is always there, it’s very real and there IS NO taking it back… we’re left with the shoulda’, woulda’, coulda’s… but we bottom line is….. we didn’t.
Moral of the story… no matter where you are, how mad, how happy, how sad…. tell those around you what they mean and that you love them… you may never get the chance again… or those around you may feel the way Joe’s family and friend’s feel right now…. all those who expressed regret in their posts…
“I was going to call, but…”, “I meant to email ….”, “I was thinking about you…” – all a day late and a dollar short… Someone YOU love may just need to hear your voice, read your email, know you care … reach out RIGHT NOW and tell those around you how much they mean to you. DO NOT WAIT ONE MORE MINUTE!!!!! It is a FACT………. if someone becomes that desperate- when they are about to commit suicide they have 30 SECONDS….. 30 SECONDS… that’s it…. to change their mind….. Who knows… you may save someone one day, maybe today, maybe tomorrow…. That love might very well come back to you in return…. what’s if it was YOU….
PRACTICE COMPASSION….it’s not that hard…. really…..
RIP Joe and prayers for your family….
Damn. Just… damn. RIP Joe, we’ve lost a good one.
Does anybody have any idea of who “Lisa” is on his ‘regrets’ list? Perhaps a character? I hope it’s not a real person who has to live with this shame….
Either way…R.I.P. Joe!
So sorry. RIP Joe.
No one know s anyone elses pain.there are a lot worse things than death!Chronic physical pain.for example.Whats to stay alive for?Yo not ruin someone else;s day and a half as you writhe in eyecrossing acute pain for an entire life/shame on those who think they know others hell/\.It wont always get better.Ignorance must be bliss,but for those of us who know the truth,Suicide makes a lot of sense.It’s not like everything can be fixed.Take care,end pointless suffering and don’t feel guilty to those who dont begin to get it!
RIP Joe. The world misses you.
Rarely do we read this kind of honesty from a person who had live it through. I learn a lot reading from the things you regret in life. Something I must watch out myself.
Hi Joe,
I regret seeing your final words turn into a free-for-all by strangers on how you ‘failed’ to live up to the Standards and Practices for Living an Approved Life.
If you were in a much better place, you would have written a wicked skit on this facile sentiment.
But you descended to a very dark place, after many years of accumulated pain and made a very serious and final choice.
I do not, cannot, judge you for this.
I am heartbroken for the pain you endured and I feel deeply for Bianca and your boys.
Thank you for being a wonderful mentor to me, 25 years ago, as a young director in Canada. Even then, I would catch fleeting glints of sorrow in your twinkling eyes. But that is also what made you observe, write, laugh, love and push you to try and see your way through the cluster-fucks.
It was an honour to know you, to be taken care of creatively by you when I was young and struggling — both you and Bianca were very, very kind. You were a good and decent man Joe Bodolai. That is a rich legacy. Nobody is perfect. You knew that.
i don’t understand why people think that a person who want’s to kill themselves will call someone to stop them…. duh.
When circumstances demand it, early termination of life is acceptable. To the moralist religious, nothing but nothing lasts forever.
DITTO
I am really surprised that this could happen to a person with such a misunderstanding and hatred for God. All bow down to the smarter-than-thou atheists.
said the jew.
I know the pain of Suicide. I lost my mother this way and have lost friends in the same manner. A lot of people I know suffer from depression as well if I could do something for Joe and others like him I would start with a rant about the failure of the Christmas message but I will save that for another day.
Mental Illness can often end in this result and yet people suffering from it are still social outcasts it makes me sad and pisses me off that people will shun you if the subject is broached. Sadly not much in that area has changed the mentally Ill are treated as if they somehow wanted this or had a choice. It stigmatized as a taboo subject these men and women are often discriminated against in the workplace more then a lot of other minorities. This crosses racial, sexual and religious barriers and affects us all. I don’t know if Joe was suffering from clinical depression or bullying or age discrimination or whatever it was Lets get it together and help each other out more this new year. Anyone not just people you know. Anyone who reaches out. We are all struggling but let’s support each other and worry more about these issues and less about Mayan calendars etc
Joe you did a lot in your field and clearly touched a lot of people who will morn your passing. And you will be missed.
said the uneducated fool. sorry to be rude but c’mon…. wake up
I wish I had been at work, when you watched the sad videos about brothers and sisters who have the least and, yes, who need our continued help. So, here is a hug, and I’m sorry it’s late, from a fellow worker among workers. We know the terrible pain of alcoholism, of suicide among us. But, no one dies in vain. And, now your spirit is released. I wish you a blissful elevation, as I thank you for this blog.
that was a beautiful post… thank you for uplifting my spirits just as i’m logging off.
🙂
Joe and I will be pleased when the despicable state of Israel is wiped off the Earth.
Chose his own way.
We’re stupid! Joe wrote on December 24th on his Twitter: “When people tell you to ‘dream’ to make my life better I’d say 99.9% of them have never been beaten and robbed.” How could we all have missed it? Already depressed, flirting with suicide in his mind — and then he got robbed and beaten. Is that why he ended up at the Horror Hotel and probably didn’t even have the money at the end of the week to pay his bill? Also, to the rest of you people who are commenting about ‘he chose his own way’, and that killing himself when he was in mental pain was OK, and that maybe someday you might want to take the same ‘way out’ — We’re stupid! Suicide is the darkest side of the dark side. There is no “blissful elevation” after drinking antifreeze and turning your insides into a slaughterhouse. Joe was a crime victim. A victim of show business (incidentally run by Jews, most of them with changed names), which is white-collar crime; and finally a victim of a thug. But he was also the victim of a morally and financially bankrupt State of California, where police are to be feared, not asked for help, and where social services for people who have been mugged and impoverished simply do not exist. If there are lessons to be learned here, old friends or wannabe friends of Joe, it is this — Do not encourage other people to share the COMFORTING ILLUSION THAT THERE IS NO GOD, who, guess what, has a right to judge how we have lived our lives, because He made this world and then gave it to us, and gave us free will to mess it up, and who stands by waiting while we spit on His Son. And finally, make sure you are the kind of person someone can call when they are really in trouble and have reached bottom.
Very observant of you. This poor man was assaulted and robbed just before Christmas (of all times) and the slope suddenly grew even steeper and more slippery for him, sending him on a path towards self destruction. Cause and effect, abominably so.
there is a, what you would call God… It exists, but it’s not what you think…. i could try to explain, but my time would be ill spent.
there’s no difference of someone killing themselves in a selfless act to save someone else’s life…. a soldier taking his life in order not to be captured and tortured…. an elderly person deciding not to go through with a treatment that can extend his/her life and letting go, and taking his or her’s own life due to mental anguish. The fact alone is that a life on earth no longer remains. Our own reasoning to “why” , is our own conflicts in our own minds that we all need to deal with.
God luck Joe.
Rest in Peace, Joe. Only you and God know the deal. When you both talk, you will find that he is pretty decent.
RIP Joe.
This made me really sad – struggling with alcoholism. I wish he could have found a little bit more strength…
I hope he rests easy as well.
What a shame to have lost him.
Poor guy. But those political positions alone scream “mental disorder.”
I think the Television industry emotionally scarred him or something. He is obviously holding some kind of grudge at former bosses.
R.I.P … The Kids in the Hall was a great show. Thanks for the comedy!
Killing yourself was the best career move you ever made, you Jew-hating conspiracy theorist whack job. No wonder you didn’t get The Comedy Network gig….you’re a talentless, unfunny hack. Go to hell
Guys…come on. If someone’s mind is twisted to believe in hating others, why are you lowering yourself? Why not write something like….”It’s too bad that you didn’t get the chance to know me and my loving family & all of the wonderful things we do for mankind. Perhaps we could have shown you the kindness that you were missing in life and that there are good people in all walks and races”? Spewing hatred only enforces the stereotype of each other for both sides. Let’s be bigger than that! Be the change you want to see in the world….what do you have to lose!!?!?
You’re right RIP, my comment was a little harsh. Thanks for the wise reply!
Love you, my brother. Peace…..
I had no idea who this guy was before he suicided… so ya i agree with the great career move
OMG RELAX EVERYONE I’M JOKING
r.i.p
Somewhere above (can’t seem to find it now) someone mentioned that he used to work on a suicide prevention hotline and he knew from experience that it saves lives. I’d like to support that conclusion, since I know from experience at the other end of the line — as a suicidal caller — that it helped me get through an especially rough night about 25 years ago.
I am chronically suicidal, don’t know why, but thoughts of death — oblivion — are almost always obsessively running through my head. I’ve come pretty close to ending my life on several occasions, and the things that stopped me at any given time have have usually been small — once, the first time I really came close, I had lined up enough pills to kill a horse. I got up from the sofa to get a beer to wash them down. On my way to the kitchen, I looked out the window and noticed that dawn was breaking. The sky behind the trees was just beginning to grow pink. I started to cry and thought, “this looks like the beginning of a beautiful day.” I put the pills away, fully planning to do the deed “soon” when the time was right. The time was never right — not yet — but I’ve had an extra 25 years, just because I saw the sun rise one winter morning in the mid-1980s. The point is, the world is full of potential suicides. Some will do it, others won’t. For most, it is like quitting smoking — they try, or lay out a plan with the intent of trying — several times before they actually succeed. Contact with others, activity, have a pet that depends upon you, the feeling of being needed, respected and loved, being out in the world, a caring voice at the end of a suicide hotline, exercise, LOVE, all of these things can help prevent, or at least postpone a suicide. Do what you can for those you may know who are depressed and potentially suicidal. That said, it is never anyone else’s fault, so if someone you know and love commits suicide, please do all you can to forgive yourself and real or imagined slights, forgive the dead, and try to live your own life with as much joy and love as you can find. Peace.
Very well put and thoughtful, Beenthere. We are all connected beings and would love to talk to you anytime. Whenever you need someone to listen, please email me: daze_at_the_beach (at) hot mail dot com
I hate when people get to that point where they are suicidal and hopeless. However, haven’t ever reached that point (yet), won’t comment on it. As far as, if he got to heaven, if there is such a place, NOBODY FN KNOWS, I will not comment on that either.
What I will comment on is he must have been sick. Who chooses to commit suicide right prior to Christmas and proclaims to love his sons and ex-wife YET saddles them with that kind of GLOOM AND DOOM on the holidays for the rest of their lives?
To answer my own question…A SICK HOPELESS BROKEN MAN DOES.
Therefore, RIP Joe B. Heartfelt condolences to his family, loved ones and friends.
Life truly can be a bitch.
And that is your opinion. We all get to have our own opinions.
all these opinions ultimately mean nothing including this one. take care, Joe.
Did you notice that there is zero instead of o in title ( Y0UR , not YOUR ). God bless y0u all.
did you know I think you are ONE.TOTAL.MORON ILKKA? yes i do.
AA works if you work it. Low rate of recovery? This old chestnut really speaks to people’s basic ignorance about the program. The “anonymous” part is the cornerstone of the whole thing. It’s not just a cute idea — it’s in practice all day, every day. We don’t keep attendance records. We don’t chart people’s recovery. We don’t keep statistics. We meet and share experience, strength and hope. We see the results — the saved lives, families, the joy and absolute restoration of people. But we don’t write about these results, or quantify them, or distill them into numbers. We just feel really, really grateful and keep coming back. Simply put, people rarely fail when they are genuinely ready, and genuinely work the steps with honesty. The recovery rate of people who don’t do this is probable quite low. The recovery rate of people who do is, in my own experience, extraordinary.
What the heck is RIP? Sounds like crap.
I’m so sorry that this man felt so much pain that he felt that death was the only way out. I’m so sorry for his family and friends who are hurting.
As I read this post, what screams at me is his use of the word vagina in the first sentence and his bragging about screwing hundreds of women in his suicide note. It looks like it was something he was proud of as if he had won 292 baseball games.
What a jerk.
Sometimes alcohol is a self prescribed drug. The real problem is not just a temporary one that goes away with time. Demons fill us and wear us down. They have names. I think Depression sucks.
When I think of people on these famous shows, I automatically think they are mad with money. Sometimes, it would seem, they are mad with loneliness, another terrible Demon. Laughter tends to drive away those awful beasts, so Joe had the whole world in stitches.
Being alone for the holidays, brother do I understand. Rest well Joe, your demons are finally gone.
I hope that you find the peace and validation in death that you could not find in life…..rest in peace eternal……x
Joe was a friend of mine.. used to serve him coffee daily and we’d chat. Beautiful soul. Rest in peace JB. 😦
So sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and yours.
Every single day is you’re last day alive… until the next one.
see you somewhere…
Joe would have loved the gallows humor of some of these comments and the counter-comments of those so very offended which are even funnier. Oh, the irony of gallows humor on a blog of a comedy writer who has committed suicide!
And the sublime juxtaposition of serious and thoughtful comments about suicide with comments about AA, Hollywood, Canada and Israel!
There is a heaven – it is this blog’s comments. Thanks for the memories, Joe.
And for the life lesson – marry a rich chick when you are a happening 28-year-old instead of crapping out at 60 like Joe.
Dear Family and especially sons whom this will be hardest on … much love and hope for peace in time for you. Speak of him often. He was just done, it appears. The sad thing is that if he had been an angrier man it might have been better. Sometimes the anger gives you a reason to keep going. But he was a peaceful, loving, funny man who just wanted to be nice and kind and live a life of laughter and helpfulness. I guess L.A. is probably the worst place in the world to do that. I know he seems to be damned good at making friends. I’d have liked him a great deal and regret very much that he is not here to help others as he thought he was unable to do .. but just talking to others HELPS THEM SO MUCH. A very handsome man with a lot ahead of him chose a permanent solution to something that might have resolved. With intelligence like his and how much I agree with his thinking I do truly regret this and take it personally….. AND we loved Wayne’s World. May you rest in Peace, Mr. Bodolai. I see you have sparked a discussion here. See you some day or another. Tell my loved ones hello and hug them for me. I miss them sooo much.
Hey Joe
I hope you are reading all of this. I found one the most important thing to have in ones life, is LOVE. So wherever you are, you can see all the people truly love you & will never foget you.
Thanks 4 sharing a part of your life with me.
Clarence
Sorry for him but how can anyone with so much money take their lives? Let me elaborate:
I am 26, completely broke and as a result I cannot go and study stuff at college, go see places or even date. I got fired last month and have to think twice before eating a meal. I am depressed and in all honestly have thought of just ending it. I don’t think suicide is bad..Tolstoy said it wasnt bad and he almost committed it- after writing his world famous novels- which means a well off, world famous author realizing that life ultimately is senseless.
That is correct people….life is senseless and there is no inherent meaning. We try not to think of life and death but ultimately it creeps up to us. Why anybody brings a child in this world is beyond me. Life is a struggle…the good parts like watching the ocean or observing butterflies come at a price- your stomach’s growling makes everything else redundant.
Trust me…I am no teenage kid romanticizing life and death. I am 26 and have seen and experienced life.
Who says he had “so much money”? And even if he did (which, hey, you have no way of knowing, do you?), money doesn’t act as a shield against alcoholism, or depression.
You’re 26 fucking years old. You haven’t “seen and experienced” jack shit yet. That’s not a bad thing, per se, but you have no right to assume that you know what Joe was going through. I certainly hope that as you get older and *do* experience life, you’ll gain empathy for others, because you certainly don’t have an abundance of it right now.
My last colonoscopy will be my rectum filled with balloon animals?!
“As I read this post, what screams at me is his use of the word vagina in the first sentence and his bragging about screwing hundreds of women in his suicide note. It looks like it was something he was proud of as if he had won 292 baseball games.
What a jerk.”
Yeah, tell me about it. I’d rather brag about decorating my penis with x-mas ornaments and prancing about the room rubbing my bottom with a large pink towel while kicking myself in the balls with clown shoes.
Every penis has a history, why not make it a decorative one?
Alcohol. nuff said.
There are so many things I wish.
I wish I had noticed how unhappy you were. Even though all I had to go by were your words, now that I go back and read over them, I see that you were declining steadily. I wish I had seen it.
I wish I could have just one more conversation with you. I’m going to miss our verbal sparring.
I wish you could have seen a light at the end of your tunnel. There were so many people who loved you; if only you had seen that, and realized that you were worthy of that love.
Most of all, though….I wish you peace, my friend. I will never forget you.
So long, and thanks for all the laughs. ❤
Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel goes off. Be sure of that!
No, people who are depressed are very good actors and actresses: they, we, are laughing and happy while talking to you but the moment you leave…
back to the torment.
There is a good book by William Styron “Darkness Visible”. It is tiny but he explains how he went to the hell of depression and how he succeed to come back.
Alcoholism was one of the problems.
Some people cant come back.
We have to accept it as part of being human. Suicide is around human beings since ever.
Wayne’s World.. Wasn’t that the dark comedy of two basement dwellers who gave each other hand jobs and blow jobs and their fake wigs fell off so they had to have anal sex on the kitchen stove?
The saddest thing ever…when someone this brilliant that makes us laugh….leaves.
Some people think suicidal people all kill themselves for selfish reasons but that’s not true. I know how it feels like to be suicidal and how you can full heartedly believe that everyone is better off without you there and if you killed yourself their lives would be better. You can feel like a burden and every mistake you make only proves to yourself that you’ve failed everyone, even yourself. I do believe in the end YOU have to pull yourself from the brink. Everyone needs help to make it through but YOU have to talk yourself out of it and find some hope to live for. You have to think about everything and everyone you love and decide, even if I think they’re better off without me maybe, in reality it’s better for them to see me get better. It’s possible that even if you feel no one loves you that you can believe in the best of yourself. You can say to yourself that there’s a light in me that I want to share with the world and I haven’t gotten that chance. there’s always more to give, and create in this world even when it seems dark. I hope that helps someone because all I have is my own experience and I know in my heart that I have more to do and give and share.
Then you just haven’t been deep enough.
Anyone calling suicide “selfish” and “cowardly” just hasn’t been deep enough and cannot understand.
Wish the positive inner voice was a stronger one Joe, stronger, and would have talked you off the ledge. Couldn’t have been easy. No judgment passing here – if only it could have been different.
You’ll be remembered, you’ll be missed, and you’ll be loved by those who knew the best of who you were. More loved you than didn’t Joe. We should have made it known.
Love and light to all.
I have read through most of the comments from friends, fans, colleagues and newcomers. For those who want to use Joe’s blog to impress your belief about suicide and dare to pass judgement, I would implore you to keep your opinions to yourself-at least in this forum. I spent many hours on the telephone with my friend talking him off of the ledge and I doubt I was the only one. His depression had nothing to do with fortune and fame- he wasn’t that shallow. His depression had to do with losing his dignity, his purpose, his art. Joe was an artist. In the end he was literally a starving artist-another tragic story. If every person who read his blogs had paid to read them…who knows? Rest now Joe b. I know you were tired of being tired and weary. I know your sons were everything to you and the many regrets of losing your marriage. Thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me, for sharing your writings with me and respecting me enough to blue my opinion and for pulling belly laughs out of me with your brilliance.
Thank you for your comment about Joe, the artist. I am an artist friend of his in Toronto. Losing Dignity, Purpose and Art and staring down the maw of why to go on. This I understand. The fears of aging without a perch, this I face daily. I often think, I wish I could just be exploited, to be able to share what I know with the younger generation. To be useful and with some money in the bank, not a lot just some.
There is such a divide between us oldsters and the young ones. Sometimes even a joke in the coffee line is not appreciated. And I see awards and money heaped on the victors, people I gave a hand up to in decades gone by. It’s a hard world now and once it was our easy playground. Ice flow anyone?
I have been on the getting sober track for over a year now, and I am winning that battle, I hope. Reading Joe’s final blog was a great shock, a warning and a lesson. Thanks Joe!
If you want to be exploited, there are people out there that would love to hear what you have to say. I have to admit that I had never heard of Joe before this awful tragedy but I have been thinking about him A LOT ever since it happened. I am 26, extremely scared of this world and have no idea what I can do to make it better.
I just read an interesting book about money and food. You might enjoy reading it.
The book is called “Lost and Found: Unexpected revelations about food and money.
Marion, thank you for your suggestion. You said you were a friend of Joe’s. I’m sorry for your loss and I want to say that reading his blog has been both heartbreaking and important. (That goes out to any friend of Joe’s that reads this.) I only wish I could’ve known him or reached out to him. I want to listen. I want to learn. Like I said before, if you have things to say, we’re here to listen. Thank you for hearing me out.
We all need a friend to share the bus ride with and sounds like Joe had that in you, but ultimately it’s our own voice that convinces us what to do with life’s ledges. There’s no right or wrong about it, just what is. It’s of little use to judge someone else’s decisions simply because they may or may not line up with our own but there’s always an opportunity to reflect and see our likenesses, the pretty ones and maybe not so pretty ones. I’ve learned something here, and am grateful.
Wow. You clearly fire people up even after you leave. No blame. It was brave and honest and good to review the years. Some people have a shelf life. I’d prefer to go stale but stay. For other things beyond career. Because the more I disappear from the target sales demographic, the more outspoken I become. We are the paunchy warriors and we will be heard. Hey, to each his own, Joe. Eternal Respect, Kisses. Kashy
Hi Joe,
I just want to tell you that it takes a lot of courage to do what you did thou some people think that it is like this:
“Hmm… I’m a little bored. I have some reasons to dislike my life, my family members are adorable but… I don’t care. I will kill myself. Yes, that is a nice solution to all problems and I’ll free myself. Tired and bored of the road to work. I’ll get the gun…. bang”
And they judge, and judge… immoral, amoral, sinner, weak, and all the names we have seen and heard many times.
I know it was in excruciating pain you took your life and for numerous times you’re tried with no success because of the numerous things that went through your head, the memory of your family members and their pain, the fear of the unknown, “what is going to happen after I die?”, it aches so much the doubts of what comes next.
It take years till the resolution and months for the suicide.
Unfortunately people don’t understand neither suicide or depression.
“Take a walk” when the person, in depression, have all the answers, know very well what is good but cannot do anything because it seems that there is a detachment from the world and so many feelings and emotions that simply make things impossible, living is impossible.
I wish you all the peace and for your family that understands you but is in pain I hope that time, time will help them all cope with your lost.
But they understand you. This is good for you, surely you’re somewhere…
Thank you for being such a great human being!
Loren Michaels and the SNL curse continues to chew them up and spit them out. He is awful. Just awful.
RIP Joe. You did good. You contributed to this fucked up world.
No regrets Joe.
Only love.
Ana, have another fkn drink. Jesus Christ. WTF is wrong with you?
And you know what Ana. You.DO NOT KNOW fK ABOUT JOE. GO ADOPT THE UGLIEST DOG IN THE KENNEL, do something with your life besides talking pity BS.
MAKE A DIFFERENCE ANA. Shut your mouth.
coward.
You took your life because you refused to let Jesus into your heart. I weep for non Christians- they really are an unfortunate lot. Remember- the only reason we exist is because God intended us to. He created us in his picture and he here we are daring to challenge him. Look at the number of atheists and agnostics. This world is going to hell. You should have attended church every Sunday and maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t need to resort to substances.
@Ron Hudson: Please, i think it is “distasteful” to use such an event to promote religion… Claiming he died because he didn’t accept Jesus… Jesus ressurected again and killed him or what? Scary shit…
Seriously, it just not apropriate, i doubt you would have scored points on that account, assuming god was real.
@ Ron Hudson, et al: When you introduce christian beliefs to this story it really complicates matters.
Think about this: God calmly watches a pack of blood thirsty humans nail his screaming son to a cross. Jesus begs his father for help. God ignores him and he dies a slow, painful death. Then –just as he said he would — jesus comes back to life 3 days later, scares the shit out of everyone, then goes to heaven. Once there, God presumably says something like, “that whole crucifiction thing looked pretty bad, son, and I heard you cussing me out, but I had to do it. You understand, don’t you?” To which Jesus says something like, “Sure, Pops. Course I’ll never play tennis again, but you did what you had to do.” Jesus forgives his dad, his dad forgives Jesus, they forgive themselves, they forgive all of mankind, but then, 2,000 years later, Joe kills himself. Sorry. All out of forgiveness. The poor schmuck get sentenced to an eternity in hell because — what? — He killed himself? That’s it? That’s all? Really?
And what of this notion (borrowed directly from pagens) that killing one person somehow washes away the sins of others? Let’s take this seriously, just for a moment: for all any of us know, God’s spending the afternoon in Hollywood, meets Joe, and they fall into a deep conversation. “It’s my son’s birthday again day after tomorrow,” says God. “It’s really got me thinking. Lot of bad shit going on these days. Sin everywhere. Yes indeed. It’s been 2,000 years, for me-sakes! I’ve been pretty slack about this, havent I?” What’s more, God says, “I don’t have any more kids — didn’t think I’d need another one — but here we are are again! So… who do I kill?” And Joe says, “Things are pretty crappy for me these days. Why not do me?” God thanks Joe, buys him a drink, and hangs him on a cross of antifreeze. Who really knows? Is it any less plausible than loaves to fishes, water to wine, or rolling away the stone 2,000 years ago?
Who are you, Ron, to judge anyone or anything? Who are you to pitty non-christians? Seriously, I mean no disrespect, but how can you, or anyone else, be so certain about the way this cosmic comedy is playing out and why?
this is so incredibly sad.
“Who are you, Ron, to judge anyone or anything? Who are you to pitty non-christians?”
Who are you to judge an all powerful all knowing creator and his son’s sacrifice for our sins? It doesn’t even fall under the illusion of being smart, to recreate a fantasy of truth in theology and history. Pride comes before the fall, remember that!
Farker, go fuck yourself.
It leaves a very bad taste, that the only people he criticizes and blames are Jews and the state of Israel. I will refrain myself of saying something negative about a dead man.
You know maybe he wasn’t in a depression but hated the dynamic of life and wanted better for himself. Why does everyone think when someone commits suicide, they hate themselves or are in a depression? This life sucks. God rarely shows up and it’s run by Satan at the moment in case you haven’t noticed. It’s a healthy mind that commits suicide in my opinion since they just want to stop the nonsense.
Some very likely and insightful words to ponder Mary. My take, doesn’t matter. I am sorry to of lost such a humorous, caring individual in an unhumorous, uncaring world as this. ✌
<i´m leaving this world also.. soon. It´s just too hard to live your whole life, without love. See you soon Joe…
-Janos from Finland- 5..4..3….2……..1……………………
Replying my self… People don´t know what loneliness is… It is the time when you drink your last drink, alone, and you hope that you never wake up… See there, be good, bye bye!
For the last time Janos from Finland…
Wow. I’m blown away by the comments in this thread. I didn’t know Joe nor had ever heard of him. But I find some well thought out, passionate comments about suicide as well as some hatred as well.
I’m not religious—something that scares my very religious sister who is afraid I’m going to hell. But (here’s the cliche) I am spiritual. So I don’t have a problem with suicide and don’t think Joe is going to hell because it sounds like his hell was here on earth for at least some of the time.
I was especially touched by message 379 by Msmelissa about not waiting to contact people you know and love. Like Joe, I’m 63. This is the age in life that a lot of people I know have already died. Any delay could be the last opportunity to talk to them.
I read this newspaper column about 12 years ago about much the same thing. The columnist wrote about a reporter hearing about a former boss, down and out.
The man had lost his job. So the person wrote the guy a letter, something about how sorry he was to hear about the job loss and how much he had always respected the man and enjoyed working for him.
According to the story, the guy had been planning to kill himself that day when the letter arrived. And he didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t save the clipping because I’ve often thought of it.
I’d like to second what Msmellisa said—go have a fierce conversation with somebody—tell them how much they meant to you. Or how much you love them. Or just that they’re not forgotten. To some, it may be just another phone call leading them to think “wonder what he wanted?” But to somebody else, it could be a life saver.
Well, damn I would have l would have loved to have known you, sir.
Thank you for leaving perspective and I hope you’re at peace.
I knew Joe a little at Allegheny college. He was different and sort of eccentric. Sorry to hear of his demise, all I can say is tomorrow’s another day in an imperfect world Joe.
Love and drugs: two things characterized by presence in the early stages, and absence in the later. I feel Joe’s loss.
Joe, I knew you, laughed with you, loved you in New York in the early 80s. Can’t believe you are gone. You had a place in my heart all these years. So sad you weren’t at peace. So sad you are gone. So sad.
You have truly led an amazing life. I hope you have found the peace you were looking for.
At this moment there are husbands and fathers battling terminal illness for one more week, one more day, one more hour with the people they love. There is no amount of pain that would would allow me to hurt my family like that. The selfish act of a self-absorbed person.
Suicide is not painless for the people left behind.
It is generally speaking a selfish act.
He will be missed and remembered by all of those who loved him. Sometimes with anger sometimes with love.
I think that he left this world with all the things he mentioned as his reason, but the main one which is in his picture at the top and his last section is the state of the world.
I hope you are at peace whatever that may have been for you.
I was very fortunate to have known you for the short time I did. While I wish things turned out differently, I can’t imagine how bad it must have been. Rest in peace my friend.
When this guy touches on philosophy he sounds like a 15-year-old. It really weakens the overall final impression.
Gone but never forgotten.. R.I.P
Joe, this is so sad you seem like a nice man well educated and talented. I am sorry you felt like this. I get down too sometimes so I understand. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Joe – I keep coming back here to check the comments.
We were very close and we both screwed that up.
I miss you. I say good bye to you where I first met you, online.
Much love, but not enough.
I, I, Me, Me, Me.
and then I kill Myself.
Its the ultimate selfish act.
Dave, Did you know Joe. If not, please don’t post…Joe was a kind, warm and funny man and this is SAD, so sad.
For people who try to relate their experiences or judge this man, it seems they fail to realize this isn’t about them. He decided to fold his hand…we all die. He choose his own way. Why heap ugliness on top of the sorrow people who love him feel? Suicide is more about the living. Who knows where he is, but its not suffering here anymore. Like Hunter S Thompson, and so many others, made their choices and lived life on their terms.
Dave – I agree with the others. A really ugly, insensitive remark. Would you say this to his surviving friends and family? You have oversimplified this issue by thinking that suicide is simply a selfish act – which indicates that you absolutely have NO understanding of this issue. I’d try to explain it to you but you are probably incapable of grapsing what it means when someone reaches this point in their lives where they feel that the only alternative to ending the pain they are feeling is to take their own life. They absolutely see NO HOPE!!
I’m embarrassed for you. Normally, I think name calling is rather low-brow and somewhat juvenile, but in this case I would have to say that frankly you are an insensitive jerk.
debt
The age of miracles is previous
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Actually, Joe can’t answer you because he offed himself around the first of the year.
On Thu, Oct 25, 2012 at 6:03 PM, Say It Ain’t So, Joe! wrote:
> ** > fashionsnoops.com commented: “Wow, awesome blog format! How lengthy > have you been blogging for? you make blogging glance easy. The overall look > of your website is excellent, let alone the content material!” >
Dear Joe,
I always loved you and would have done anything I could do to keep you alive. Still sad about it, but understand. The bastards let you down, especially the bastard inside.
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Over a year and a half and it still resonates with me. God, Joe, I wish I could have spoken with you. I’m sorry you felt you had to do what you did. I’m sending this out into space… maybe somewhere you’ll feel good. Feel something. Feel loved. Please know this.
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You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
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Joe committed suicide after writing this. He was an amazing man and an old friend and I miss him.
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Thank you, Joe, for such a beautiful letter and for all that you contributed to our world. I wish I had known you. You come to my mind periodically and I find myself re-reading your final post every few months. Each time I visit your final notes, I cry, laugh and pursue different ideas, some that break my heart, some that inspire me, some that make me laugh. I continue to find new great things every time I visit your missive. I hope you’ve found peace on the other side after leaving what you eventually found intolerable here. I wish you had stayed because you have so much much to offer with all your intelligence and experiences and mostly because you’re so smart and funny and God knows the world needs that. But I respect your choice to leave this existence and I’m sure you enjoy much love and beauty on the other side. I’m sure you’re loved and respected for all that you accomplished physically, spiritually, psychically. I hope this blog stays up forever as it somehow gives me hope and shows me there’s proof of beauty, intelligence and love in this life. With gratitude and love, I thank you and wish you well!
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Joe, I was thinking about you today so I thought I would read this post again. I miss our chats, emails, etc. I still have the draft of the comedy show you were writing. I was and am so flattered that you valued my opinion and felt comfortable enough to share a work in progress with me. I shall cherish it.
I wish you were here, I can only imagine the brilliance you would unearth out of this election year. Jeez!
XO
Kathleen
While I don’t think anyone’s gonna come across this for a while yet, I think this is one of the best things I’ve read in a while. I can’t explain it. RIP Joe Bodolai.
Being critical of Israel in any way, shape or form (in Hollywood, no less) is strictly verboten. Wouldn’t be surprised if Mossad offed him.
Did you even read the piece?