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This is the Headline You Are Now Reading

September 5, 2011 5 comments

Joe Bodolai Posts New Blog Post

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

Joe Bodolai today posted a new blog entry consisting of 152 words[1] and two paragraphs beginning with this first sentence. Adding a quote in the second sentence, Bodolai said “I also added an image which greatly clarifies the meaning of the post,” deftly using the succinct quote to reference additional content as well as adding a seamless transition to the following paragraph in a regrettably long sentence which he hoped that in a few more words such as these might entertain the reader.

The second paragraph, in which you are now immersed, included a three word closing line. It directed readers to the image, sparking a potential grammatical debate over whether the words are a complete imperative sentence or a sentence fragment. Prior to typing the three words, Bodolai added perhaps another interrogatory sentence fragment to amplify the density of lack of meaning in the posting. The three words?  “See image below.”

The image of the yellow and black caution sign and message referencing danger added gravitas to the posting


[1] The word count does not include the headline, subhead, byline and copyright, photo caption, and this footnote.

If I Were So Rich…

August 19, 2011 1 comment

I’d autotune my life

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

If you know me, you know I can’t sing. That doesn’t seem to stop many of today’s pop stars from having the naive confidence to actually just go ahead and do it. Well, thanks to the technology of autotune I finally recorded a song that has all the symptoms of a smash. I expect to be touring major stadiums and arenas once I actually write some more songs and figure out how to lip sync. Or is it “lip synch?”

As you can see, the video’s production values are up to the quality of my amazing vocals.

Brittney, rights are available and I’ll sing backup and dance in some patent leather shorts.

I’m Sure I Speak for Lady Gaga and We Say: Be The Best Possible Version of Yourself.

May 21, 2011 1 comment

Suggestion in Above Headline May be Provided for My Entertainment

By Joe Bodolai © 2011, All rights reserved (except those owned by the video creators below)

Most Questions About the Universe Finally Cleared Up in Gaga Video

I admire Lady Gaga for her gagalosity, the amazing fearless personal dedication to the expression of the personal fearlessness that defies categorization and is so fearlessly personal in such a personal way… so fearlessly. She’s gagalicious. Her recent appearance to champion gay rights was done in the Pope’s back yard, and I truly do consider her a world spiritual leader.

The world is full of people expressing themselves in such idiosyncratic deeply individual ways that makes me realize we are all like fingerprints and snowflakes. You can not be duplicated; neither can the moment that goes by in which you are not yourself. Many artists find the confidence to unleash their personal wtf-ness only later in life; some blossom with the carefree confidence of the naïve. Some, like Michael Jackson or some teen stars, display enough confidence and commitment in presenting themselves early in life but become marionettes of commercial culture. Some later become controlled by financial decisions rather than the mysterious emotional and creative often unconscious lunges that speak no language but their own. Some never get the chance. Others let it pass by without knowing. Not all of this originality is great art, nor always even entertaining, but maybe it provides a singular spiritual purpose that it is not for us to know. It may speak from a place above the material and while Lady Gaga’s ideogrammatic characterizations are in step with the commercial, they are also very personal. I am not kidding when I refer to her as a “world spiritual leader”. I think I can speak for her when I say to those of you who speak your own language, leave your own fingerprints at the scene of your own crime, we love you. Which is why I love her.

Be the best possible version of yourself.

The videos below are two examples of what I mean about finding voices outside of the mainstream. Each is beyond easy articulation. Just flat out leave you speechless or “gaga”. First is a courageous, original, and funny comedy troupe from Norway. Comedian Jesper Odelsberg and his troupe: New Wheels on the Block, letting us know his balls are okay. He’s on the right track baby, he was born this way.

His Wheelchair is a Sex Machine!

The family below is European, I think. And from earth. I think. They have no self-consciousness about expressing their desire and divinely inspired determination to alleviate their collective bedwetting. The little kid brings the R&B funk to the funky bedclothes and the women of the family may or may not moonlight as Amish hookers. I hope you will sing “ain’t gonna pee-pee” aloud as you go on your way today.nkies

The Funky Bedwetter feat. the Amish Hookers



You may laugh at, you may laugh with, but just laugh so you can feel it.

When I talk about Lady Gaga’s originality, it has nothing to do with taste, or being “derivative of Madonna” or being in mainstream pop music. (Toronto artist Jana Sterback created a meat dress at the Art Gallery of Ontario in the early 70s, by the way.) Costumes are not who she is, but don’t discount the message she sends with what she wears. Some are bullied for what they wear and she sends a message to stand out. She is a major pop artist, with major talent, but she is a conceptual artist and moral force to me. A victim of bullying herself, she speaks for diversity, acceptance, choice, and respect and anyone whose bad romance can turn into a kickass dance groove. Right now, I’m just celebrating all those who gain the confidence from her to be themselves. The person you are best at being is you. Oh, and I have taken the liberty of speaking for Lady Gaga before, if you caught that irony, right here. She’s kinda busy being the she that she is.

Be Yourself, Be Your Own DNA-mazing!

Real artistic statement, even when wildly commercially successful such as Lady Gaga, can be a moral statement. I personally believe that Satire Can Help Make Evil a Bit More Uncool

For a long, casual and revealing interview with Lady Gaga, here is a link to her appearance at Google.

Miss Jamaica Keeps ‘Tings Ireal at Miss Universe PageantU

April 24, 2011 Leave a comment

When Miss Zimbabwe is White, Standards of Beauty Need Some Recalibration, But What’d She Say?

 By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

The Miss Universe Pageant is like a middle school cheerleader tryout and generally entertains us with a similar level of talent like baton twirling, American Idol audition screeching, and moving, passionate pleas for world peace coached by the off-screen pit crews of bimbo handlers. All the wheels come off when Maxine Livingston, Miss Jamaica, sashays onto the stage:

If you don’t understand patois, you’re missing out. This is from AFTER HOURS, which I produced with the great Kenny Robinson, who also hosted. Our audience always brought a lot of island flavour so the laughs were real and loud with no need to translate. Miss Jamaica is the human dynamo of comedy and smarts that is Trey Anthony. The MC is Second City’s Bruce Hunter, complete with Jersey Shore spray tan, and the “translator” is Jean Paul. I wrote this with the cast and Trey improvised the patois. Hint: ras claat and battybwoy are words you should be careful of using among your more polite Jamaican friends.

If you’re new here, please click on the links at the right and if you want to see more of my comedy videos, including more hilarious island-themed comedy, go to my YouTube channel and search for After Hours.

Pilgrims, Attentive Walmart Shoppers Flock to Graceland for “Shroud of Elvis”

April 21, 2011 Leave a comment

Bedsheet With King’s Likeness On Display From Good Friday Through Kickass Friday.

By Joe Bodolai (C) 2011, All rights reserved

The King of People Not Actually the King

By Joe Bodolai © 2011 All rights reserved

The controversial “Shroud of Elvis” will be exhibited at Elvis Presley’s home, Graceland, beginning today, Good Friday,for seven days until Kickass Friday, April 29th.Similar to the Shroud of Turin, which supposedly depicts the likeness of Jesus Christ, a popular religious figure, the Shroud of Elvis is imbued with the likeness of the King. “There is no doubt this is real,” said Jumbo Tuberville, curator of the Elvis Museum and Bait Shop. ”The King had enough Dilaudid and Twinkies in his system to sweat his portrait onto the sheet. The chemicals in his body just fused with the polyester, man. Sweet!“

Pilgrims Celebrate the Unveiling of the Sacred Shroud


The shroud is expected to draw over one million visitors more than the Shroud of Turin, which dates from the Middle Ages or a couple years ago and is being exhibited in order to deflect attention from the widespread pedophilia scandal involving the Pope and countless priests, but doubtfully this guy:

A Pilgrim Ponders Deep Fried Twinkies in Gift Shop  

While rumours flew that the Shroud would be available in replica versions at selected sacred Walmart locations, the Catholic Church and Graceland have refused to comment when asked if displaying the Shroud was an attempt to revitalize both Catholicism and interest in Elvis as a response to the rise of the world’s preeminent spiritual leader, Lady Gaga.

This Video’s Lyrics May be Inaccurately Translated for Your Enjoyment

April 15, 2011 3 comments

“Slumdog Millionaire” Paved the Way for “Benny Lover” But the Lyrics May Shock Some

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Once again, it took my team at Quality Shows Inaccurate Translation Service to bring an amazing new video to the public’s attention. Here’s just a hint of a brilliant new Bollywood video with dazzling dancing, stunning costumes, and lyrics that will have you snapping your head back in disbelief. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my Innacurately Translated version of “Benny Lover”.

This is just what it sounds like to me.

Leonard Cohen Live: “Closing Time”

April 3, 2011 2 comments

The Great Canadian Singer-Songwriter Receives the Glenn Gould Prize

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

To describe Leonard Cohen is an exercise in humility. He is a poet, novelist, singer, songwriter, and, from what I hear, quite the ladies man. I’ll take any of those. He was recently awarded one of Canada’s greatest prizes not named Stanley. This one is named in honour of pianist Glenn Gould, so you can pretty much guess what the name of the award is. (That’s so I don’t try to use the word “eponymous.”)

For those of you who don’t know who Glenn Gould was, or is because of his music, please look him up and listen to his recordings. The CBC’s prestigious studio in Toronto is named after him and his legacy to classical music is unique, significant, and “uncompromising.

That word was also used about Leonard Cohen. I had a the privilege of presenting him on CBC Television in the  remarkable live-to-air performance below. This version of “Closing Time” is, in my opinion, better than any of the recordings I’ve heard. Great lyrics demand a few listenings and the maturity of the music rewards it. One of my favourite lines” “she’s a hundred but she’s wearing something tight.” (I have a few more music clips on the site so please take a look around.)

Categories: Media, Music

Ask Your Doctor Which Side Effect is Right for You

April 3, 2011 1 comment

Big Pharma’s Ideal Drug: Treats Nothing, All Side Effects

By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved

Drug companies in recent years have continually improved their TTSR — “treatment to side effect ratio” — and poured millions into marketing new conditions, such as last year’s wildly popular “RLS – restless leg syndrome,” which returned millions more. They have finally come up with what they termed their “ideal drug”, one that treats nothing and has only side effects.

“This is a major breakthrough,” gushed Puppy Piper, head of marketing for Restless Leg Syndrome, “the list of side effects it creates is a gold mine for all the drugs we already have to treat side effects like infertility, short term memory loss, diarrhea and those goodies. It should create an infinite loop of prescriptions for drugs that create even more side effects. The market is going to look like piranhas on a feeding frenzy. This is great for the economy! What’s good for the drug companies is good for America, or at least for the America that consists of me. We just have to keep side effects from being called ‘front effects’ because… well, maybe we should add a new category. Sorry. I have to make a call…”

The company released a video of their new commercial, scheduled to launch later this month. I think. I have short term memory loss from taking it. Along with…. brb…

American Twilight Zone: What if Obama Had Won the Election?

March 20, 2011 3 comments

“It’ll be the first thing that I do. I’ll get our troops home, and bring an end to this war.” — Barack Obama, 10/27/07

THIS IS AN EDITORIAL I WROTE ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO BEFORE THE DEBT CEILING DEBATE

As President McCain Heads into His Second Year, What Might Have Been Different?

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved.

In the wee hours of election night 2008, the promise of change did indeed seem possible until Senator John McCain’s stunning last-minute surprise upset. While some were rightfully suspicious of the results, the McCain camp explained their triumph as “unpolled Americans came out in force and expressed their preference in the privacy of the poll booth rather than risk being called ‘racist’.

After President McCain’s first year, filled with angst, turmoil, and more of the same, I have decided to speculate on what America would be like today had Senator Obama won the election which so many assumed he would.

First of all, there is no way an Obama administration would have turned the economy into shambles with a massive bank bailout. ”His populist voter base would never stand for it,“ I wrote just a few short months ago. “Obama stands for change we can believe in, and this is far from it.” Senator Obama announced his alternative, which was greeted with huge enthusiasm, according to the 86% of Americans who “strongly approved” of his bold plan to pay off all consumer credit cards instead of money going directly to financial institutions.

His rousing speech at the Mall of America’s food court level with over 100,000 Minnesotans below him braving minus 23 temperatures and reminding Americans of the glory days of ”shopping. Not just for flat screen TVs or other necessities. My plan would relieve Americans of onerous debt while still providing lenders with plenty of profit and not to mention a real stimulus for consumers, with balances becoming zero balances, fresh new credit limits and rolled down interest rate caps to allow them to spend again, thus creating jobs for American workers, given my stipulation that all new credit card expenditures be spent within the United States for American cars, American products, and American vacation destinations.

Instead we have the McCain Administration’s failed “Cash for Clunkers” automobile buying incentive, which Senator Obama hilariously ridiculed on Late Night with David Letterman with his quip that “okay, I’ll admit the President did indeed give cash for clunkers, but those clunkers are the big banks and desperate failing automakers, lobbyists for special interest groups, and brokerage houses. Clunkers if I’ve ever seen one, and I should know. I drive a Pacer.” The video clip of Obama and Letterman driving around Wall Street and Harlem in the Pacer for the interview has been downloaded over 95 million times on YouTube.

Vice-President Palin, in one of her numerous gaffes since taking office, denounced Obama as “on the wrong side of the financial equation, like reparations for slavery there should be no free lunch!”

President McCain’s continuation of the Cheney-Bush foreign policy agenda is surely something that an Obama Administration would not accept. No Obama administration would consider sending more troops to Afghanistan such as President McCain has announced. While admitting “it takes some time to change the direction of a mighty cruise ship (but) I am committed to finalizing our presence in Iraq and Afghanistan and repairing our image with the rest of the world”. Likewise, President McCain’s continued unconditional support of Israel would be counter to a President Obama’s promise to strive for peace and a moratorium on settlements and saber-rattling toward Iran. McCain’s celebrated taunt to Iran regarding their supposed nuclear weapons program – “bring it on!” – would never be countenanced by a moderate Obama Administration where negotiation would be favored over confrontation.

Likewise, President McCain’s confusing health care initiatives, which are considered by most Obama supporters as more profit for the private sector, would never be tabled by an Obama administration. Obama won overwhelming praise for his much simpler, more clearly defined health care plan – “Medicare for All.” He won another huge swell of popular opinion by pointing out that the bonuses and salaries paid to 50% of the CEO’s of the largest pharmaceutical and health related industries would provide insurance for every man, woman, and child in the country while keeping their corporations profitable.

Democratic Senator John Conyers (D-Michigan) inadvertently aided the cause by being caught on tape aired on The Daily Show admitting that he had not even read the 1,000-page bill saying “who has time for that?” Stewart’s dry reply “I feel you bro.“ led to thousands of t-shirts, cardboard signs, and late night talk shows on an upswell of gratitude for a new catch phrase.

Of course, the scandal over the resignation of Vice-President Palin for her celebrated gaffes would never be made by the more experience Joe Biden. It is hard to imagine Biden saying something as stupid as Palin’s “send the homeless to Afghanistan. They need jobs. It’s a win-win.”

Finally, America today would not be so polarized. As 450,000 people marched on Washington last week, with countless taser arrests (15 of the 22 deaths attributed to controversial use of the 50,000-volt device, new weapons directed by SWAT teams to ”disperse unlawful assemblies“, aerial surveillance, and addition of thousands of innocent names to the ever-expanding terror watch list, Senator Obama said in his catalyzing speech at the Lincoln Memorial, “the First Amendment is the founding principle of the Bill of Rights and cannot be trampled by government. Behind me stands the symbol of the blood that was shed to keep this country free from all enemies, foreign or domestic.“ Clearly a President Obama would not approve the continuation of torture. The backdrop of the serene Lincoln was an ominous metaphor for the American divide, today not regional but along class and other lines.

Clearly had Senator Obama won the election, America would likely be a different, more benign place with a respect for the people and not for the oligarchy that the McCain Administration considers its constituency. And, as he promised in 2007, the wars would be over and the troops back home. And if you ask me “do I support the troops?” Yes, I do. The ones in the video below:

Video at poorrichard’s blog (http://poorrichards-blog.blogspot.com)

Are we living in an America not quite light and not yet dark? Are we in a “Twilight Zone” where one thing that looks different from the other but both are really the same?

Alas, in the words of the late Robert F. Kennedy, “there are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”

SECOND BY SECOND COUNTER ON THE COST OF WAR

The Insanity of Kardashianity, Random Thoughts on a Devolving Culture

March 2, 2011 2 comments

The Following Sentences May be Read in Any Order as Homage to Larry King

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

With Larry King’s departure from cable news and his entry into standup comedy, I will try to fill the void left by him as a columnist with randomness with some unresolved anger and whole bunch of  bewilderment.

If you’re following the “royal” wedding, help me out: what’s the income threshold where we stop calling inbreds “hillbillies” and have to say “your royal highness?”…I don’t know what I’d call her if I met her but you can’t go wrong with “Miss Gaga.” … She might just “bring a little too much gun for the hunt”… Gay guys: should I go with “Joe Fierce” or “Johnny Flawless?”… I’ve pretty much narrowed my options of avoiding homelessness to “marrying well”… Question for the ladies: After Patrick Swayze’s death, do you find yourself using your potter’s wheel a bit less?… I think I’m at that “awkward age”: I don’t feel old enough to hit on the mother, but don’t like

Women Using Potters Wheels Less Since Swayze Death

that “dirty old man” look for hitting on the daughter… Is it just me or does it seem like Pig Latin is a dead language too?… Hey, Department of Agriculture! I haven’t grown canola in years. Where’s my subsidy?… If you own the bait house on “To Catch a Predator”, does your real estate value go up or down?… Things Rihanna told me: “there’s a subtle difference being between being hit and hit on… You heard it here first: someday a focus group will win a screenwriting award… Those French doctors should be okay. They’re not Doctors without Barnes & Noble… Can’t help but wonder: what if the word “God” in the Bible is a typo?… “Oh my Gord?” Sure changes orgasms… I wish you would have told me: “Glee” is a comedy?… A. “never”. Q. When will the world have enough cat videos? … Definition of “gay”? an enigma wrapped in a Balenciaga… I think if Jeopardy wanted the humans to beat the computer, they

Most Questions About the Universe Finally Cleared Up in Gaga Video

would have used a Dell… Do zombies ever use the term “life of the party?”… If it were a sport: Madonna couldn’t carry Gaga’s jock…Try to say something bad about it: bacon…I don’t need to ask her: Snooki doesn’t have a “favorite Jane Austen novel.”… Hey eBay! Where is all the vintage Washington Generals memorabilia?… Guys, always a good excuse: “I just got outta the pool!”… They beat me to it: breast milk ice cream…. Miss Nicki Minaj: You may call it “Super Bass”, but the really smart people know you mean “Superb Ass”… You may not admit it but it’s true: some stock photo chicks are hot!… Who knew? The “A” in “A&E” used to stand for “”Arts”… Why has there never been a Pope named “Mel?”… Have to pass on “I Am Number Four”. I never saw “I Am Number Three”… You’re too old for show biz when: you think “Swifty” means Lazar not Taylor… Put this in the column marked “true”: nobody hot rides the bus…. Is it just me or is “afterparty” a little too close to “afterbirth”? … Religion can’t answer it: “who let the dogs out?”… I sometimes I wish I were rich enough to have my assets frozen – and topped with

Inflatable Semi-Sentient Polypropelene

whipped cream… I’m just keeping it real: 2011 Maybach smell like money to me lol, But ain’t shit unless equipped with Sleek by 50…. Rhetorical questions: Is the bear Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods?…. Was the Crucifixion just a “near death experience?” From what I read, dude was fine three days later… Maybe that’s why the Pope says the Jews didn’t “kill” Jesus. Soap operas do it all the time…I’m thinking of becoming a freestyle MC and bringin’ my mad flow to somewhere it will be appreciated… online… Brittney: “flash mob” is a group, not an item on your “to-do” list… Don’t ask me to invest in it: “Penis Reduction Clinic”… Do clowns drive those really tiny cars to compensate for their huge penises?…  And to end this on a serious analytical note about the state of semi-sentient meconium that is American mass culture today: After hearing her “song” released today, I am convinced that Kim Kardashian is either a slimy lump of infectious polypropelene and oily hair or a mentally deficient trained seal controlled by chimpanzees. Watching reality TV or even CNN means the terrorists have won.

THIS JUST IN: Rolling Stone now relaunches as cageliner housebreaking material — Snooki on the cover. Disturbance in the Force reported as Hendrix, Lennon, Cobain, Joplin spin in graves.

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