Archive for the ‘pharmaceuticals’ Category

Alien Admits: “We Live Among You!”

April 13, 2010 Leave a comment

Several Prominent Aliens Announce: “Time to Stop Hiding”

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Zontar, Thing from Venus, admitted to Say It Ain’t So, Joe! reporters today that he, and many other aliens are living on earth undetected. “My earth name may be Amy Winehouse, but I am really from a dive bar on the Venus equivalent of Buffalo.“

Zontar, Thing from Venus aka ”Amy Winehouse“

When reports leaked that Thing from Venus confessed, numerous other aliens also spoke up. ”It’s time we stopped the charade,“ said Angelyne, whose alien name was revealed to be Morp Flepnop. ”I’ve been spying on earth in earthly form with a realistic (sic) human body but I have also disguised myself as a billboard on Sunset Boulevard.“

Moop Flepnop aka “Angelyne” and “a billboard”

When asked about her alien name, Flepnop replied ”on my planet Moop Flepnop is the equivalent of your ‘Dave’.“

Other aliens who have come forth include Glipfung J. Fuppletit (aka “Snooki”) who said “I was wondering how long it would take for my unearthly orange skin and the black fern fronds growing from my cranial surface would be cause for your suspicion. Ironically, I do love Nati Lite.”

Glipfung J. Fuppletit (aka “Snooki”)

Aliens have been particularly successful at disguising themselves as “celebrities” on reality shows, said Vupflargo Bellyputz (aka “Bruce Jenner”) “After all, our appearance is reality showlike and is unnoticed by anyone with an IQ under 80. There are others who have not come out, it added, “but I think if you look for signs such as oversized plush Milky Way asses and an overabundance of annoying space lichens, which appear to be body hair. Others of us should be easy to spot. We often live among you as real housewives with simulated protoplasm so real it’s actually an otherworldly gel of hormones, pig semen, and the meconium of the Sacred Infants of Beetelgeuse, it cryptically concluded.

Vupflargo Bellyputz (aka “Bruce Jenner”)

More revelations are due to come in the following days. Stay tuned to Say It Ain’t So, Joe! for more on this breaking story.

BREAKING! Suspected Synthete Heidi Montag” body analysis revealed to be 96% synthetic materials 4% sodium benzoate added as preservative. .

Ask Your Doctor if “An Increased Risk of Death” is Right For You”

February 7, 2010 4 comments

Seroquel XR® ? Now that’s Depressing!

Quetiapine fumarate is Seroquel XR. Is My Description of Risk of Death So Wrong? strong>

By Joe Bodolai © 2010, All rights reserved
An Increased Risk of Death?

The pharmaceutical industry loves side effects because they create needs for more drugs to treat side effects. The new commercial for a supposed anti-depressant drug called “Seroquel XR” leads off its litany of side effects disclaimer with “some safety information you should be aware of.”  Like “Seroquel may cause an increased risk of death.” If I wanted an “increased risk of death” there are other equally wise risk-enhancing choices, like sharing a needle and having unprotected sex with chimpanzees while mainlining heroin with drunk Ice Road Truckers in an Iraqi minefield while juggling live chainsaws with Jeffrey Dahmer on a PCP run while you’re slowly sipping on Gin and Clorox and jumping into a shark tank while having your period or suffering a bleeding head wound. Who knows, they might provide the same amount of relief from…what is it this is supposed to be taken for?

And Now For Something Completely Different

Drugs have side effects and I’m just glad that I can relate to the guys in this remarkable Norwegian story of courage, recovery, and relief:

Damn, I’ll just have to ask my white coated drug dealer if Seroquel is right for me or more right for him.