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If I Were So Rich…

August 19, 2011 1 comment

I’d autotune my life

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

If you know me, you know I can’t sing. That doesn’t seem to stop many of today’s pop stars from having the naive confidence to actually just go ahead and do it. Well, thanks to the technology of autotune I finally recorded a song that has all the symptoms of a smash. I expect to be touring major stadiums and arenas once I actually write some more songs and figure out how to lip sync. Or is it “lip synch?”

As you can see, the video’s production values are up to the quality of my amazing vocals.

Brittney, rights are available and I’ll sing backup and dance in some patent leather shorts.

I’m Sure I Speak for Lady Gaga and We Say: Be The Best Possible Version of Yourself.

May 21, 2011 1 comment

Suggestion in Above Headline May be Provided for My Entertainment

By Joe Bodolai © 2011, All rights reserved (except those owned by the video creators below)

Most Questions About the Universe Finally Cleared Up in Gaga Video

I admire Lady Gaga for her gagalosity, the amazing fearless personal dedication to the expression of the personal fearlessness that defies categorization and is so fearlessly personal in such a personal way… so fearlessly. She’s gagalicious. Her recent appearance to champion gay rights was done in the Pope’s back yard, and I truly do consider her a world spiritual leader.

The world is full of people expressing themselves in such idiosyncratic deeply individual ways that makes me realize we are all like fingerprints and snowflakes. You can not be duplicated; neither can the moment that goes by in which you are not yourself. Many artists find the confidence to unleash their personal wtf-ness only later in life; some blossom with the carefree confidence of the naïve. Some, like Michael Jackson or some teen stars, display enough confidence and commitment in presenting themselves early in life but become marionettes of commercial culture. Some later become controlled by financial decisions rather than the mysterious emotional and creative often unconscious lunges that speak no language but their own. Some never get the chance. Others let it pass by without knowing. Not all of this originality is great art, nor always even entertaining, but maybe it provides a singular spiritual purpose that it is not for us to know. It may speak from a place above the material and while Lady Gaga’s ideogrammatic characterizations are in step with the commercial, they are also very personal. I am not kidding when I refer to her as a “world spiritual leader”. I think I can speak for her when I say to those of you who speak your own language, leave your own fingerprints at the scene of your own crime, we love you. Which is why I love her.

Be the best possible version of yourself.

The videos below are two examples of what I mean about finding voices outside of the mainstream. Each is beyond easy articulation. Just flat out leave you speechless or “gaga”. First is a courageous, original, and funny comedy troupe from Norway. Comedian Jesper Odelsberg and his troupe: New Wheels on the Block, letting us know his balls are okay. He’s on the right track baby, he was born this way.

His Wheelchair is a Sex Machine!

The family below is European, I think. And from earth. I think. They have no self-consciousness about expressing their desire and divinely inspired determination to alleviate their collective bedwetting. The little kid brings the R&B funk to the funky bedclothes and the women of the family may or may not moonlight as Amish hookers. I hope you will sing “ain’t gonna pee-pee” aloud as you go on your way today.nkies

The Funky Bedwetter feat. the Amish Hookers



You may laugh at, you may laugh with, but just laugh so you can feel it.

When I talk about Lady Gaga’s originality, it has nothing to do with taste, or being “derivative of Madonna” or being in mainstream pop music. (Toronto artist Jana Sterback created a meat dress at the Art Gallery of Ontario in the early 70s, by the way.) Costumes are not who she is, but don’t discount the message she sends with what she wears. Some are bullied for what they wear and she sends a message to stand out. She is a major pop artist, with major talent, but she is a conceptual artist and moral force to me. A victim of bullying herself, she speaks for diversity, acceptance, choice, and respect and anyone whose bad romance can turn into a kickass dance groove. Right now, I’m just celebrating all those who gain the confidence from her to be themselves. The person you are best at being is you. Oh, and I have taken the liberty of speaking for Lady Gaga before, if you caught that irony, right here. She’s kinda busy being the she that she is.

Be Yourself, Be Your Own DNA-mazing!

Real artistic statement, even when wildly commercially successful such as Lady Gaga, can be a moral statement. I personally believe that Satire Can Help Make Evil a Bit More Uncool

For a long, casual and revealing interview with Lady Gaga, here is a link to her appearance at Google.

Pilgrims, Attentive Walmart Shoppers Flock to Graceland for “Shroud of Elvis”

April 21, 2011 Leave a comment

Bedsheet With King’s Likeness On Display From Good Friday Through Kickass Friday.

By Joe Bodolai (C) 2011, All rights reserved

The King of People Not Actually the King

By Joe Bodolai © 2011 All rights reserved

The controversial “Shroud of Elvis” will be exhibited at Elvis Presley’s home, Graceland, beginning today, Good Friday,for seven days until Kickass Friday, April 29th.Similar to the Shroud of Turin, which supposedly depicts the likeness of Jesus Christ, a popular religious figure, the Shroud of Elvis is imbued with the likeness of the King. “There is no doubt this is real,” said Jumbo Tuberville, curator of the Elvis Museum and Bait Shop. ”The King had enough Dilaudid and Twinkies in his system to sweat his portrait onto the sheet. The chemicals in his body just fused with the polyester, man. Sweet!“

Pilgrims Celebrate the Unveiling of the Sacred Shroud


The shroud is expected to draw over one million visitors more than the Shroud of Turin, which dates from the Middle Ages or a couple years ago and is being exhibited in order to deflect attention from the widespread pedophilia scandal involving the Pope and countless priests, but doubtfully this guy:

A Pilgrim Ponders Deep Fried Twinkies in Gift Shop  

While rumours flew that the Shroud would be available in replica versions at selected sacred Walmart locations, the Catholic Church and Graceland have refused to comment when asked if displaying the Shroud was an attempt to revitalize both Catholicism and interest in Elvis as a response to the rise of the world’s preeminent spiritual leader, Lady Gaga.

This Video’s Lyrics May be Inaccurately Translated for Your Enjoyment

April 15, 2011 3 comments

“Slumdog Millionaire” Paved the Way for “Benny Lover” But the Lyrics May Shock Some

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Once again, it took my team at Quality Shows Inaccurate Translation Service to bring an amazing new video to the public’s attention. Here’s just a hint of a brilliant new Bollywood video with dazzling dancing, stunning costumes, and lyrics that will have you snapping your head back in disbelief. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my Innacurately Translated version of “Benny Lover”.

This is just what it sounds like to me.

Leonard Cohen Live: “Closing Time”

April 3, 2011 2 comments

The Great Canadian Singer-Songwriter Receives the Glenn Gould Prize

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

To describe Leonard Cohen is an exercise in humility. He is a poet, novelist, singer, songwriter, and, from what I hear, quite the ladies man. I’ll take any of those. He was recently awarded one of Canada’s greatest prizes not named Stanley. This one is named in honour of pianist Glenn Gould, so you can pretty much guess what the name of the award is. (That’s so I don’t try to use the word “eponymous.”)

For those of you who don’t know who Glenn Gould was, or is because of his music, please look him up and listen to his recordings. The CBC’s prestigious studio in Toronto is named after him and his legacy to classical music is unique, significant, and “uncompromising.

That word was also used about Leonard Cohen. I had a the privilege of presenting him on CBC Television in the  remarkable live-to-air performance below. This version of “Closing Time” is, in my opinion, better than any of the recordings I’ve heard. Great lyrics demand a few listenings and the maturity of the music rewards it. One of my favourite lines” “she’s a hundred but she’s wearing something tight.” (I have a few more music clips on the site so please take a look around.)

Categories: Media, Music

TSA Makes Lady Gaga Flash Her Nude Snooki to College Football Cheerleaders!

January 1, 2011 Leave a comment

Pointless Sensational Headline Optimized for Search Terms, Explained Below

By Joe Bodolai © 2011, All rights reserved

Ambigutastic!

You Binged This Poof-Coiffed Guidette

I found out that I could see what search terms people used to find or happen across my blog. Surprisingly, it wasn’t “brilliant writing”, or “funny”, or “smart”. It was Snooki. Yes, people were on the prowl for something to read about the diminutive poofed guidette from a “reality” show called Jersey Shore. Immediately following in her spraytanned wake was the magnificent meatdress majesty of Lady Gaga, even more closely followed by those probing for TSA. I am not making this up. So I decided to combine this holy trinity of interest in things Say It Ain’t So, Joesian with my most popular subject, college football with a topping of always popular cheerleaders.

So, for those of you who have found your treasured word within, welcome. Unfortunately, I have no story or analysis to reward your googling or binging. Please feel free to combine these search terms in your imagination. Should this article somehow become my most read item, despite being empty of any insight, information, or entertainment, I will consider getting a lobotomy and dumbing down my life even more and apply for a job in internet SEO keyword marketing, or better yet, politics. Like the Obama Administration or the Tea Party, may you be rewarded with all sizzle, no steak.

Pedophiles, Priests Urged to Apply

In the meantime, should you have found your way here because you searched for me, I wish you a Happy New Year, filled with substance, joy, success, love, and peace for all.

Here are some of the articles that seemed to generate Snookified Gagalicious TSAhole probing during the past year:

Snooki to Host White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Lady Gaga Admits “I’m Not A Hermaphrodite But That Would Be Cool!

TSA Introduces New “Hot or Not” Naked Body Scanners

TSA Recruiting Pedophiles on Craigslist for Holiday Travel Season

Lady Gaga a Hermaphrodite? Let’s Ask TSA!

November 21, 2010 Leave a comment

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Ambigutastic!

Sometimes seemingly random associations given to us by the world may hold the answer to those troubling

What You Searched For Last Week to Find Say It Ain't So, Joe!

questions. For those millions of you curious about Lady Gaga’s ladyality, here’s a simple way to get to the nuts and bolts of it. Just ask TSA! Your own search queries here show you’re way ahead of me.

Okay, so nobody found me by searching for “clever funny writing”, “erudite Joycean analysis”, or “he hate Boise State”. Fine. To make your Gagalicious/TSA search mashup, here you go…

Lady Gaga: “I’m Not A Hermaphrodite, But That Would Be Cool!”

TSA Introduces New “Hot or Not” Naked Body Scanners


Letterman Doesn’t Ask: Lady Gaga Admits “I’m Not a Hermaphrodite but That Would be Cool!”

September 19, 2010 8 comments

“Madonna Can’t Carry Lady Gaga’s Jock!” — Joe Bodolai”

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Forget comparing Lady Gaga to Madonna, even if you mean the BVM and not the pop star. Gagaloo lands a swift kick to the nutsacks who are freaked out by those who challenge old school female role models. Like the new wave of female comedy stars and styles, such as the hit Bridesmaids, she proves women don’t need balls to be ballsy. Her recent appearance with David Letterman did not dispel any of the rumours surrounding her as she ate the host’s notes and questions. So, in an exclusive interview with me, despite rumours to the contrary, World Spiritual Leader Lady Gaga denied that she was a hermaphrodite in an interview I claim was with fellow near-hermaphrodite Barbara Walters. Say It Ain’t So, Joe! Executive Editor Joe Bodolai explained her explanation on his imaginary nationally-televised current affairs program “What They Meant to Say Even if They Didn’t Actually Say It.”

Meat and Two Veg AND a Spicy Taco?

“Gaga meant to say “I know people think I’m packing meat and two veg AND a big taco, which would be so truthy and artsy! So if they think it, it can be true. I empower my little monsters’ minds in a sexy, androgynous, way and the bullies are scared of her, I mean me…oh just watch her, I mean, my videos…”, articulated Bodolai. “Having sex organs of both popular kinds has its ups and downs and ins and outs,” she would have continued. “The reality of having a pathetically undersized penis combined with huge flappy labia would be the worst of both worlds… in reality I mean. But for me, it’s cool! I have a chance to win more awards, like Best Male Vocalist, Best Female Vocalist, and, of course, “Best Male AND Female Vocalist”. Besides, if people tell me to “go fuck myself”, I actually can!”

ON ANOTHER NOTE: While it may appear that by making fun of some of the media sensations that Lady Gaga has been in the midst of, there is no doubt that she is a major talent, a truly important spiritual voice for equality, acceptance, and diversity. In the clip at the link below, she reveals how she was bullied in high school and how that has influenced her songwriting. A true major talent:

Lady Gaga Recalls Being Bullied

Alien Admits: “We Live Among You!”

April 13, 2010 Leave a comment

Several Prominent Aliens Announce: “Time to Stop Hiding”

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Zontar, Thing from Venus, admitted to Say It Ain’t So, Joe! reporters today that he, and many other aliens are living on earth undetected. “My earth name may be Amy Winehouse, but I am really from a dive bar on the Venus equivalent of Buffalo.“

Zontar, Thing from Venus aka ”Amy Winehouse“

When reports leaked that Thing from Venus confessed, numerous other aliens also spoke up. ”It’s time we stopped the charade,“ said Angelyne, whose alien name was revealed to be Morp Flepnop. ”I’ve been spying on earth in earthly form with a realistic (sic) human body but I have also disguised myself as a billboard on Sunset Boulevard.“

Moop Flepnop aka “Angelyne” and “a billboard”

When asked about her alien name, Flepnop replied ”on my planet Moop Flepnop is the equivalent of your ‘Dave’.“

Other aliens who have come forth include Glipfung J. Fuppletit (aka “Snooki”) who said “I was wondering how long it would take for my unearthly orange skin and the black fern fronds growing from my cranial surface would be cause for your suspicion. Ironically, I do love Nati Lite.”

Glipfung J. Fuppletit (aka “Snooki”)

Aliens have been particularly successful at disguising themselves as “celebrities” on reality shows, said Vupflargo Bellyputz (aka “Bruce Jenner”) “After all, our appearance is reality showlike and is unnoticed by anyone with an IQ under 80. There are others who have not come out, it added, “but I think if you look for signs such as oversized plush Milky Way asses and an overabundance of annoying space lichens, which appear to be body hair. Others of us should be easy to spot. We often live among you as real housewives with simulated protoplasm so real it’s actually an otherworldly gel of hormones, pig semen, and the meconium of the Sacred Infants of Beetelgeuse, it cryptically concluded.

Vupflargo Bellyputz (aka “Bruce Jenner”)

More revelations are due to come in the following days. Stay tuned to Say It Ain’t So, Joe! for more on this breaking story.

BREAKING! Suspected Synthete Heidi Montag” body analysis revealed to be 96% synthetic materials 4% sodium benzoate added as preservative. .

Crime Rate Drops as Florida Legalizes Murder

January 10, 2010 Leave a comment

Zero Percent Murder Rate is Lowest in the Country</strong

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A MORE RECENT VERSION OF THIS WITH RELEVANCE TO THE CASEY ANTHONY VERDICT PLEASE GO TO MY MAIN PAGE HERE
By Joe Bodolai © 2010 All rights reserved

Ocala, Florida — “I can’t believe nobody has thought of this before,” exclaimed Ocala, Florida police chief Phil Procopio, as he showed off charts and binders full of slick graphics to indicate a 100% drop in the murder rate to 0%, the lowest rate in the country. “Legalizing murder has not only eliminated it completely, making our community unique in the country, but has also improved our ranking on Parade Magazine’s list of the 10,000 Best Places to Live in America — up two places to number 9,997! That’s a community effort we should all be proud of.”

You call them vigilantes, but Batman was the founder of "citizen patrols".

Citizens have applauded the move enthusiastically. “I used to worry about being murdered whenever I went downtown or to a ballgame, “said Gus Cherniak, a private security consultant for the Golf Manor Estates (a gated community on the north side of the city), “now we really don’t have to worry at all. This new law has taken away the fear our citizens used to have.” Now, if they feel unsure about someone, Floridians can just shoot them with an assault rifle or kill them with a taser first, “but we can rely on our police for their taser expertise in snuffing shit out. This has made life for our neighborhood citizens’ patrols much easier, instead of always worrying about legal grey areas.”

What in other communities might be called “vigilantism”, in Florida it’s called “preventive vigilantism — not that vigilantism is a bad word around here. After all, let’s remember that some of America’s greatest heroes are vigilantes. Batman, Superman, Bernard Goetz, Jack Ruby, all of them. We’re just following in what we think is a heroic American tradition”, added Cherniak.

Police Chief Procopio suggested that the program should go beyond Florida. “I’d like to see this law be extended nationwide, especially into communities where there are lots of prisons and Democratic voters” said the much-decorated law enforcer (a winner of the local Crime Dog Man of the Year Award from Governor Charlie Crist).

Yet, the new law really comes down to street level common sense, and increased social benefits, say advocates. “Floyd here once shot a guy messing with his satellite dish and  when he AK’d the (exrement) out of him it caused Floyd all kinds of legal trouble, red tape, paperwork, phone calls to the Governor, and money for lawyers before it got taken care of. Now, think of the millions the government is saving by not having to incarcerate the perp! The benefits to the taxpayer are already starting to show. We’re getting new blocking sleds for the high school football team, and, for the first time in three years, new band uniforms!”

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