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If I Were So Rich…

August 19, 2011 1 comment

I’d autotune my life

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

If you know me, you know I can’t sing. That doesn’t seem to stop many of today’s pop stars from having the naive confidence to actually just go ahead and do it. Well, thanks to the technology of autotune I finally recorded a song that has all the symptoms of a smash. I expect to be touring major stadiums and arenas once I actually write some more songs and figure out how to lip sync. Or is it “lip synch?”

As you can see, the video’s production values are up to the quality of my amazing vocals.

Brittney, rights are available and I’ll sing backup and dance in some patent leather shorts.

I’m Sure I Speak for Lady Gaga and We Say: Be The Best Possible Version of Yourself.

May 21, 2011 1 comment

Suggestion in Above Headline May be Provided for My Entertainment

By Joe Bodolai © 2011, All rights reserved (except those owned by the video creators below)

Most Questions About the Universe Finally Cleared Up in Gaga Video

I admire Lady Gaga for her gagalosity, the amazing fearless personal dedication to the expression of the personal fearlessness that defies categorization and is so fearlessly personal in such a personal way… so fearlessly. She’s gagalicious. Her recent appearance to champion gay rights was done in the Pope’s back yard, and I truly do consider her a world spiritual leader.

The world is full of people expressing themselves in such idiosyncratic deeply individual ways that makes me realize we are all like fingerprints and snowflakes. You can not be duplicated; neither can the moment that goes by in which you are not yourself. Many artists find the confidence to unleash their personal wtf-ness only later in life; some blossom with the carefree confidence of the naïve. Some, like Michael Jackson or some teen stars, display enough confidence and commitment in presenting themselves early in life but become marionettes of commercial culture. Some later become controlled by financial decisions rather than the mysterious emotional and creative often unconscious lunges that speak no language but their own. Some never get the chance. Others let it pass by without knowing. Not all of this originality is great art, nor always even entertaining, but maybe it provides a singular spiritual purpose that it is not for us to know. It may speak from a place above the material and while Lady Gaga’s ideogrammatic characterizations are in step with the commercial, they are also very personal. I am not kidding when I refer to her as a “world spiritual leader”. I think I can speak for her when I say to those of you who speak your own language, leave your own fingerprints at the scene of your own crime, we love you. Which is why I love her.

Be the best possible version of yourself.

The videos below are two examples of what I mean about finding voices outside of the mainstream. Each is beyond easy articulation. Just flat out leave you speechless or “gaga”. First is a courageous, original, and funny comedy troupe from Norway. Comedian Jesper Odelsberg and his troupe: New Wheels on the Block, letting us know his balls are okay. He’s on the right track baby, he was born this way.

His Wheelchair is a Sex Machine!

The family below is European, I think. And from earth. I think. They have no self-consciousness about expressing their desire and divinely inspired determination to alleviate their collective bedwetting. The little kid brings the R&B funk to the funky bedclothes and the women of the family may or may not moonlight as Amish hookers. I hope you will sing “ain’t gonna pee-pee” aloud as you go on your way today.nkies

The Funky Bedwetter feat. the Amish Hookers



You may laugh at, you may laugh with, but just laugh so you can feel it.

When I talk about Lady Gaga’s originality, it has nothing to do with taste, or being “derivative of Madonna” or being in mainstream pop music. (Toronto artist Jana Sterback created a meat dress at the Art Gallery of Ontario in the early 70s, by the way.) Costumes are not who she is, but don’t discount the message she sends with what she wears. Some are bullied for what they wear and she sends a message to stand out. She is a major pop artist, with major talent, but she is a conceptual artist and moral force to me. A victim of bullying herself, she speaks for diversity, acceptance, choice, and respect and anyone whose bad romance can turn into a kickass dance groove. Right now, I’m just celebrating all those who gain the confidence from her to be themselves. The person you are best at being is you. Oh, and I have taken the liberty of speaking for Lady Gaga before, if you caught that irony, right here. She’s kinda busy being the she that she is.

Be Yourself, Be Your Own DNA-mazing!

Real artistic statement, even when wildly commercially successful such as Lady Gaga, can be a moral statement. I personally believe that Satire Can Help Make Evil a Bit More Uncool

For a long, casual and revealing interview with Lady Gaga, here is a link to her appearance at Google.

Pilgrims, Attentive Walmart Shoppers Flock to Graceland for “Shroud of Elvis”

April 21, 2011 Leave a comment

Bedsheet With King’s Likeness On Display From Good Friday Through Kickass Friday.

By Joe Bodolai (C) 2011, All rights reserved

The King of People Not Actually the King

By Joe Bodolai © 2011 All rights reserved

The controversial “Shroud of Elvis” will be exhibited at Elvis Presley’s home, Graceland, beginning today, Good Friday,for seven days until Kickass Friday, April 29th.Similar to the Shroud of Turin, which supposedly depicts the likeness of Jesus Christ, a popular religious figure, the Shroud of Elvis is imbued with the likeness of the King. “There is no doubt this is real,” said Jumbo Tuberville, curator of the Elvis Museum and Bait Shop. ”The King had enough Dilaudid and Twinkies in his system to sweat his portrait onto the sheet. The chemicals in his body just fused with the polyester, man. Sweet!“

Pilgrims Celebrate the Unveiling of the Sacred Shroud


The shroud is expected to draw over one million visitors more than the Shroud of Turin, which dates from the Middle Ages or a couple years ago and is being exhibited in order to deflect attention from the widespread pedophilia scandal involving the Pope and countless priests, but doubtfully this guy:

A Pilgrim Ponders Deep Fried Twinkies in Gift Shop  

While rumours flew that the Shroud would be available in replica versions at selected sacred Walmart locations, the Catholic Church and Graceland have refused to comment when asked if displaying the Shroud was an attempt to revitalize both Catholicism and interest in Elvis as a response to the rise of the world’s preeminent spiritual leader, Lady Gaga.

This Video’s Lyrics May be Inaccurately Translated for Your Enjoyment

April 15, 2011 3 comments

“Slumdog Millionaire” Paved the Way for “Benny Lover” But the Lyrics May Shock Some

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Once again, it took my team at Quality Shows Inaccurate Translation Service to bring an amazing new video to the public’s attention. Here’s just a hint of a brilliant new Bollywood video with dazzling dancing, stunning costumes, and lyrics that will have you snapping your head back in disbelief. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my Innacurately Translated version of “Benny Lover”.

This is just what it sounds like to me.

Leonard Cohen Live: “Closing Time”

April 3, 2011 1 comment

The Great Canadian Singer-Songwriter Receives the Glenn Gould Prize

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved

To describe Leonard Cohen is an exercise in humility. He is a poet, novelist, singer, songwriter, and, from what I hear, quite the ladies man. I’ll take any of those. He was recently awarded one of Canada’s greatest prizes not named Stanley. This one is named in honour of pianist Glenn Gould, so you can pretty much guess what the name of the award is. (That’s so I don’t try to use the word “eponymous.”)

For those of you who don’t know who Glenn Gould was, or is because of his music, please look him up and listen to his recordings. The CBC’s prestigious studio in Toronto is named after him and his legacy to classical music is unique, significant, and “uncompromising.

That word was also used about Leonard Cohen. I had a the privilege of presenting him on CBC Television in the  remarkable live-to-air performance below. This version of “Closing Time” is, in my opinion, better than any of the recordings I’ve heard. Great lyrics demand a few listenings and the maturity of the music rewards it. One of my favourite lines” “she’s a hundred but she’s wearing something tight.” (I have a few more music clips on the site so please take a look around.)

Categories: Media, Music

TSA Makes Lady Gaga Flash Her Nude Snooki to College Football Cheerleaders!

January 1, 2011 Leave a comment

Pointless Sensational Headline Optimized for Search Terms, Explained Below

By Joe Bodolai © 2011, All rights reserved

Ambigutastic!

You Binged This Poof-Coiffed Guidette

I found out that I could see what search terms people used to find or happen across my blog. Surprisingly, it wasn’t “brilliant writing”, or “funny”, or “smart”. It was Snooki. Yes, people were on the prowl for something to read about the diminutive poofed guidette from a “reality” show called Jersey Shore. Immediately following in her spraytanned wake was the magnificent meatdress majesty of Lady Gaga, even more closely followed by those probing for TSA. I am not making this up. So I decided to combine this holy trinity of interest in things Say It Ain’t So, Joesian with my most popular subject, college football with a topping of always popular cheerleaders.

So, for those of you who have found your treasured word within, welcome. Unfortunately, I have no story or analysis to reward your googling or binging. Please feel free to combine these search terms in your imagination. Should this article somehow become my most read item, despite being empty of any insight, information, or entertainment, I will consider getting a lobotomy and dumbing down my life even more and apply for a job in internet SEO keyword marketing, or better yet, politics. Like the Obama Administration or the Tea Party, may you be rewarded with all sizzle, no steak.

Pedophiles, Priests Urged to Apply

In the meantime, should you have found your way here because you searched for me, I wish you a Happy New Year, filled with substance, joy, success, love, and peace for all.

Here are some of the articles that seemed to generate Snookified Gagalicious TSAhole probing during the past year:

Snooki to Host White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Lady Gaga Admits “I’m Not A Hermaphrodite But That Would Be Cool!

TSA Introduces New “Hot or Not” Naked Body Scanners

TSA Recruiting Pedophiles on Craigslist for Holiday Travel Season

Lady Gaga a Hermaphrodite? Let’s Ask TSA!

November 21, 2010 Leave a comment

By Joe Bodolai (c) 2010, All rights reserved

Ambigutastic!

Sometimes seemingly random associations given to us by the world may hold the answer to those troubling

What You Searched For Last Week to Find Say It Ain't So, Joe!

questions. For those millions of you curious about Lady Gaga’s ladyality, here’s a simple way to get to the nuts and bolts of it. Just ask TSA! Your own search queries here show you’re way ahead of me.

Okay, so nobody found me by searching for “clever funny writing”, “erudite Joycean analysis”, or “he hate Boise State”. Fine. To make your Gagalicious/TSA search mashup, here you go…

Lady Gaga: “I’m Not A Hermaphrodite, But That Would Be Cool!”

TSA Introduces New “Hot or Not” Naked Body Scanners